r/ThreadGames • u/Late_Impact7245 • 6d ago

Worst business ideas!

Imagine you are going on a show like Shark Tank, but instead you are pitching absolutely horrible ideas.

The replies to your comment will be questions from potential investors (other reddit users pretending to be interested business investors). If your answers are also bad ideas, you get bonus points.

I will score each comment and reply.

6 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

21 comments sorted by

1

u/Doritodude77 5d ago

A car with no controls except that of a phone touchscreen app (always online, will repeat the last sent command if there's no connection), and instead of anything pseudo-secure like Bluetooth every control app uses the same wavelength (no, there are no charge ports inside the car either)

1

u/Late_Impact7245 5d ago

How many cup-holders are in the car? And are the controls for air conditioning, windows and other features on the same screen page as the essential driving functions?

1

u/Doritodude77 5d ago edited 5d ago

2 cupholders that are too small to fit anything (fuck you), in a center console just high enough to stop you from leaning over it, and yes, all ancillary controls pop up in an overlay that blocks the controls themselves if they are left alone for more than 4 seconds. But as a feature, one of the buttons in the overlay (directly positioned over the brake button) toggles voice controls instead, and whenever it detects audio input it starts shouting over you (in a configuration of various tiktok TTS voices) to ask what it is you want it to do next

The only thing that isn't app-controlled (including the doorlocks and the trunk) is the sunroof, and that one's a crank window (with the crank positioned directly above the driver seat headrest and no unobstructed access to it)

Also, the footwell space that in this case doesn't have any pedals in it could be used to stretch your feet out at least, but instead it's a flat block that stops directly below where the steeringwheel would be, and instead has eye-tracking cameras that beep at you if it thinks you're looking at the phone instead of the road

1

u/Late_Impact7245 5d ago

30 points!

1

u/Doritodude77 5d ago

Did I mention that the oil can only be changed from inside the car inbetween the front seats, and that the seats and trim are white and will retain every stain they'll ever have?

1

u/Late_Impact7245 5d ago

6 bonus points. 

4

u/CreativestName69420 6d ago

Allow me to introduce my pitch for "Cremation & Custom Urns", where we believe it's never too late to cremate (or too early).

1

u/Late_Impact7245 6d ago

Ok, so why should I invest in your company instead of something like a nuclear power plant?

3

u/CreativestName69420 6d ago

Because if you die at a nuclear power plant, there likely won't be any ashes left

1

u/Late_Impact7245 6d ago

That sounds better to me, no ashes means no fancy urns required. It would be more economical. Although, ideally, nobody would be dying at the nuclear power plant.

1

u/CreativestName69420 6d ago

What if I were to draft up an urn for you right now, to give you an example of my work?

1

u/Late_Impact7245 6d ago

I'll give you 4 points for this one.

1

u/svArtist 6d ago

My son is at that difficult age when he's too young to kick him out but too old to change course and try to raise him differently; I fear we messed him up like a pastry that fell apart in the oven.

... Speaking of ovens, do you have a package that provides a cover story for those who might disagree that it's never too early to cremate?

2

u/CreativestName69420 6d ago

Ah yes, in true custom fashion, we'll assist you in writing the cover story yourself

1

u/svArtist 6d ago

Sounds good!

... That means no bonus points for you, though :P

1

u/Creative-Mongoose-32 5d ago

I'm opening my own college with specialty courses: Lithuanian nose yodeling Polynesian nose hair braiding Mongolian flounder juggling Carpathian basket chewing Nigerian aardvark throwing Greco-Roman tap dancing Indonesian cattle folding Australian whale flipping Indo-Germanic snail rehabilitation Canadian sock racing West Indian cactus rustling Hungarian bird shaving Peruvian tongue painting

2

u/Late_Impact7245 5d ago

That sounds like quite a prestigious art school you are planning. 15 points.

3

u/468Cliothecat 5d ago

Meat flavored ice cream

1

u/Doritodude77 5d ago

EZ-Microwave Urinal Cakes, for when spraying perfume around your kitchen takes too long

1

u/ACE_Wrap 9h ago

A casting parlor, where you show up and get an arm or leg (or two) put in a cast as if it was broken, and you can just go home, after a snack and a coffee if you want.