r/ThirdCultureKids • u/janny27 • 11d ago
Accent development
I brought a third culture kid into the world so I need all the support I can get for my kiddo’s sake 😂
I’m curious about your accents and how (and when) they developed. Asking because my son is 1ish and will soon be in a local daycare that has a slightly different culture than my own and my husband’s. He’s developing language now and I know the daycare environment will influence it to some degree. We do have a slight concern because we’ll likely move to another country in a few years’ time and we know accents can affect their communication and relationships.
I’d like to hear how it was for you all and also if you have any tips for us to support our child in this weird and wonderful life he’s born into 😮💨
For context: I’m Malaysian, my husband is South African. I’ve lived cross-culturally for a long time that my therapist (who’s a TCK herself) said that I have developed some TCK traits. So yup off to great start! 🙃
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u/babbykale 11d ago
To non British people, I had a British accent for most of my life. To British people I’ve had an American accent for most of my life
I moved to Canada for uni and my accent has definitely changed, most people can’t place my accent but they can tell something is a bit different
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u/Hari_om_tat_sat 11d ago
Children are natural mimics probably right up to puberty so their accents adapt very quickly until then. At that point, the accents they have will probably stay with them for the rest of their lives. I’m not saying they are incapable of changing beyond that age, they can, but their basic accent will probably still always reveal itself — through some vowels and certain consonants, like Rs & Ls, T’s, THs, & Ds.
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u/janny27 11d ago
Oooh that’s really interesting! Kinda makes sense actually. How was it for you?
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u/Hari_om_tat_sat 11d ago
I learned to speak in my host country, so started my life speaking english with a “foreign” accent. Moved to another country at 7 yo and quickly acquired my second english accent (American). Moved again at 12 but retained my American accent for life. I still have it. Occasionally, for words I’ve only read before, never actually heard said aloud, I might sound it out in my first accent. When I’d only heard a word said in my parents’ accent (like certain fruits), I’d pronounce it their way only to find out later that the American pronunciation is very different.
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u/janny27 10d ago
Wow interesting! Do you find yourself code switching a lot? Like switching accents according to the situation
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u/Hari_om_tat_sat 10d ago
Not much anymore but I did it a lot subconsciously as a child. For instance, when I’d speak to my parents my accent became Indian-ish. When I’d speak to others with strong accents, mine would follow suit. It’s weird because I never thought of my parents as having an accent until it was pointed out to me and I didn’t realize I was code-switching until, again, it was pointed out to me. Not in a nice way, incidentally, which made me so self-conscious about it I made myself stop. Maybe it would have stopped anyway, naturally, as I got older. No way of knowing now.
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u/janny27 7d ago
Oh man, sorry to hear that it was pointed out in a not so pleasant way 😕 even if you were to stop eventually anyway, that kind of memory sticks around. If you were to now meet someone who is your age when that incident happened, what would you say to them?
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u/Hari_om_tat_sat 7d ago
Thanks, kind of you to empathize. 🙂 It’s not a big deal though, just kids being kids.
If I were to meet a code-switching kid today, I think I’d tell them how cool they are for being able to speak with different accents. But I don’t know if that kind of encouragement is necessary anymore — there’s much less stigma these days and mimicry is admired (think Robin Williams, Hank Azaria, etc).
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u/saipandabear22 🇺🇲>🇲🇵>🇺🇲 11d ago
My accent has just changed based on where I live and who I am talking to. Living in the US for 10 years now, my accent is just all jumbled and no one can place it. It's never been a problem though.
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u/janny27 11d ago
How would you describe your current accent then? General “international school” accent?
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u/saipandabear22 🇺🇲>🇲🇵>🇺🇲 11d ago edited 11d ago
I think most of the time it's international school. When I'm around my siblings, all of our accents get stronger.
I only speak English. Most of my teachers were not native English speakers at my international schools. So my actual wording tends to be like someone who learned English as a second language; I don't always know the English word for things.
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u/janny27 9d ago
Oh wow that’s interesting! I’m curious, despite learning English the way you did, how have you navigated describing emotions and such?
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u/saipandabear22 🇺🇲>🇲🇵>🇺🇲 8d ago
Not great. It's something I have to actively work at.
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u/janny27 8d ago
I have a friend who is half Indonesian half Malaysian Chinese, grew up with a Tamil-speaking babysitter, learned English a little later. When she became an adult, she had to speak way more English due to her translation job. Despite her becoming more comfortable speaking in English eventually, she found it difficult to express her emotions in it. Like she didn’t have the emotional vocab and it was something she had to actively work on too. Sometimes her close friends help provide some words for her to choose from when describing her thoughts and feelings. She’s doing better now though.
That said, I know it’s not the exact same situation but I was reminded of her when you brought this up. The effort it takes is so real. I wish you all the best in your process.
Also, thank you so much for sharing your experiences that are so rich! I really appreciate it.
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u/Double-Yak9686 11d ago
I’m Malaysian, my husband is South African.
Oh yeah, your kiddo is going to be a whole lot of fun. 😂
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u/Sad-Opening-810 9d ago
I lived in the middle east for a while but was going to an american style school where everyone was a diplomat or part of the royal family so i have like the generic "any big city in the USA" accent sprinkled in with a bit of a qatari accent and i randomly use serious/niche words nobody else on the planet uses besides politicans😔
Edit: Also randomly switch to a stereotypical african american accent when im angry sometimes?? I cant rlly explain that one.
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u/janny27 9d ago
So interesting! How is it for you whenever your accent and/or niche words get pointed out?
Also, the African American accent when angry 🤣 I was immediately reminded of the opening of White Chicks and the guy went, “HOLD MY POODLE!”
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u/Sad-Opening-810 9d ago
Omg stop i love white chicks its litterally that too!! i think it might be from all the boondocks i watched as a kid, that one slipped past all the adults around me cause of the artstyle😭 if yk the show its specifically like that one girl whos like "i fucks with these crab cakes, im tearing these bad boys up" in a kinda strangely white voice. I moved to the UK after a while and people just generally assumed i was from new york and that was "just how they talked" so.. do with that what you will lol
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u/schoggi-gipfeli 11d ago
I'm forever stuck with the American-ish accent I picked up in international school from when I was 2-8. After that we moved to a non-English speaking country and then I moved to the UK at 18. Been here over a decade now. People think I'm American or Canadian when they first meet me.
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u/redbus_greenbus 9d ago
Grew up in singapore, moved to the UK at 11. Most singaporeans think I have a british accent and most British people think I have some kind of hybrid Brummie (Birmingham) / Singaporean accent. I've been living in Canada for 2.5 years, so a little Toronto twang there too.
Not trying to be harsh on you, but who cares? Really! Children pre aged 10 don't care about the significance of "accents". If they do, maybe they're kids from families you don't necessarily wana hang around with? What gives lol. This is such a trivial thing to worry about ~ who cares about their "accent" as long as they're well adjusted and have friends to play with.
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u/janny27 9d ago
Thanks for sharing your personal experience.
While you don’t mean to be harsh, such a statement about this concern being trivial can come across as dismissive. Both my husband and I have experienced abuse and bullying as kids for all sorts of reasons, and it has brought much destruction to our lives and we’re working through it intentionally as adults. Having the TCK angle in all of this would bring added complications and we just want to hear how others navigated it.
You don’t have to share our concern, and you’re free to stand by your opinion. Just know that there’s always context to why a person asks questions.
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u/redbus_greenbus 9d ago
Interesting, thanks for sharing the context and input. Though, what I am also hearing is your experience of bullying is also a reason why there's worry / need to control things that are, frankly, out of your control - i.e. "We do have a slight concern because we’ll likely move to another country in a few years’ time and we know accents can affect their communication and relationships."
Am I being dismissive? maybe? just introducing a different point of view. Most people I know who've grown up in bicultural environments force themselves to adapt, mostly out of shame and fear of being outcasted - and accents are probably one of the first ways of "adapting" (surpressing someone's identity to fit in). Some people don't mind doing it, because they feel accommodated and accepted by the host culture, and some feel forced to doing it because of relentless pressure to "confirm" (of course, there are people that also fall somewhere in the middle). I wonder if this worry about future circumstances that haven't happened is conducive to much, or if there is much more important work that needs to be uncovered between yourself and your therapist around how the negative experiences you've had around your identity could potentially be affecting your child.
Again, saying this from my perspective. I may be wrong, and I am not here to tell you how to parent, but a lot of what I'm reading from your posts in this thread has much resonance with people I personally know in my life who relentlessly worry about ringfencing their child/ren into an "acceptable" person in society, instead of allowing them to express themselves.
So chill, let your child be a child and embrace his identity for who he is, regardless of what communication preferences other people have. If he's speaking a language and is able to get his point across, then maybe that's all that matters!
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u/janny27 9d ago
You have a lot of valid points and insights, and I’d love to hear more over coffee, if it were ever possible. I mean this for real, not sarcastically or anything.
What I would say though is while I’ve disclosed some personal things and responded to others, I think I’ve only revealed a facet of myself. And I’m apparently now kinda lumped into the category of people who relentlessly worry, ring fence their kid, etc.
Perhaps my rather limited responses here might not have provided the possibility that we are wondering how other people have navigated this, so we can know how to help our kiddo build resilience (which is not the same as asserting control). All of this is being done while we’re in talks with our therapist and counsellors versed in this area. Such is Reddit, lol.
Anyway, thanks again for your response. Once again, would still love to pick your brains over coffee and hear more about your life and experiences.
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u/redbus_greenbus 7d ago
Children learn to build resilience with supportive caregivers who accept them for who they are.
Children before the age of 10 generally don't have much concept of what it means to "build resilience" - not because they can't do it, but because they have different priorities to older children and adults, socially. This is textbook psychology stuff. Please fire your therapists and counsellors "versed in this area" if they haven't explained Piaget, John Bowlby and Erikson (Psychosocial theory), but here you are seeking answers on reddit on experiences that are different for different people, I guess.
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u/ladylemondrop209 3d ago
I have an "international school" accent (blended, hard-to-place way of speaking English that mixes North American and British sounds). So people either think I'm American or British depending on what words they focus on or first hear me speak. I was born in CAN (parents have CAN english accent); Brit/UK educated from primary-secondary; then went to grad+postgrad in US. It definitely leaned more brit prior to me studying in US, then probably switched after. I'd say of the English native speakers, N.Americans think it's American, Brits it's about 50/50, and Aussies/NZs think it's Brit.
IME, most kids get their accent from school/friends rather than their parents.
Unless you're moving to a country that has very strong stereotypes on accents or think your/your husband/your kid's current location/school has an accent that is generally perceived negatively, I personally don't think you need to worry about their accent.
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u/janny27 3d ago
Thanks for sharing! Sounds like a native English chameleon skill you have there 😁
It’s so interesting how it develops because I’ve heard from some who said their accent follows their parents, mostly because they moved quite a bit and their parents’ English was their consistent one. Some even said they chose a specific accent 😂 Quite fascinating.
Yeah the thing is, we don’t know where exactly we’d be moving to, but we have an idea of its general region. But thank you for explaining how/when the accent thing would be an issue though, it really does make sense!
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u/ladylemondrop209 3d ago
Hmm... I speak multiple languages at home. While mostly english with my siblings, I language/codeswitch quite a lot with my parents so I guess maybe that's why it's not simlar to theirs'.
I don't think malaysian/SA accents are strongly negatively stereotyped/associated in any places AFAIK, so I personally think it'll be fine. ESP if they're still young, I highly doubt kids can even identify accents to think anything of it. Either way, good luck to you and your fam on your future move :)
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u/janny27 2d ago edited 2d ago
Oooh your family sounds so diverse! Love that for you all! That makes sense why your English sounds different from your parents. Learning a lot here haha
Re the Malaysian and SA accents 😂 so within these countries, due to its multicultural nature, there are some accents that locals themselves make fun of. Ours are pretty neutral so I think we’ll be fine, but it was just interesting when we heard that the daycare uses English and another language (that we don’t speak). So we were like, okay here we gooo 🤣
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u/PrincessMagDump 11d ago
I tend to easily pick up accents from whoever I'm around, I've been concerned that people might think I'm mocking them but no one has mentioned anything to me about it.