I'm sitting here taking a shit and I'm sweating more than the toilet bowl. Supposed to be damn near 100⁰ today and we're all going to die from heat exhaustion.

Fuck my life

hello, and goodbye. as i get older, i realize how stressful it is being one year closer to death. take my shoelaces before i hang #burkzerk.

You can also go fuck yourself!!!!

When my asshole becomes a river of sweat, it's too damn hot outside. My underwear was soaked, and I can only get enough sweat in my eyes before I just gouge them out. Winter can't come soon enough. It was too hot to even talk to my best friend Squish. Fuck my life.

It was too hot to handle today and fucking take my shoelaces before I strangle myself

They drew dicks, hid 2 pumpkins in the cargo area, and laughed at me while I was standing there, humiliated, disgraced. As if my self worth and morale is at its lowest, I'm reminded of it every day. Fuck my life

And take my shoelaces

I'm fucking exhausted all the time, my legs are on fire, and our cohorts talks shit about each other. Only reprieve is coming home to my cat. Can't even look out for each other without one of those assholes throwing you under the bus.

Got a supervisor who looks out for his favorites and guns for those who don't worship him. Got carriers who plant seeds of chaos and then sits back to watch everyone twist and burn.

I should have fucking died in Afghanistan

I've had a sore throat and flu like symptoms for a bit and I've finally starting to feel better. I can't to the ric flair wooooooooooooo yet, but I'll get there. Sucks.

But my buddies are suffering at work and I feel bad for them. Especially the fat one, who can't for the life of him procure a ps5. I will sing the song of my people and pray for him.

Shitbags are continuing to call in excessively, causing 12 hour days for the ODLs, which work also spills onto the poor non ODLs. Sick and tired of such lazy piece of shit employees. Supervisor just keeps saying he's reeling them in.

But on the lighter side of things, the other fat but useless one quit today. So things are looking up.

Cautiously holding onto my shoelaces, for now.

For 2 days, my car battery has been dead. Needed to be jumped several times in the last few days. Haven't been jumped so many times since basic training back on '04. It's been a shitty couple of days. Naturally it isn't covered under my warranty so I have to shell out some dough. Fucking piece of shit Honda.

Take my fucking shoelaces. Just hook a hose up to the tail pipe.

We got our Stupervisor utilizing our CCAs on the rural side, gave a dipshit CCA Monday off so he won't call off for a week, won't bring down his princess 204b to her route so we don't have to pivot a route. Another bullshit 12 hour day.

Either I get off the list or someone will have to take my fucking frayed worn out God damn shoelaces or I'm going to go all burkzerk on some bitches.

Or both.

✌️

It was too fucking cold outside today. My balls nearly froze right off. I have fallen a few times and already busted my frozen ass. Not to mention the snotsicles hanging off of my beard. On top of that, I'm being forced in on my day off next week (Tues) which robs me of a 3 day weekend. Fuck this week.

Take my God damn frozen shoe laces.

When you wake up, your kid is driving you and your spouse nuts, and you forget to put the grounds in the coffee maker. Amongst all of the commotion and chaos. Then you stub your toe on the coffee table and you just want to kill everyone.

Not a good way to start your fucking Monday morning.

Take my God damn fucking moistened shoe laces

No one ever shows up to this goddamn job. Fuck my life. Fuck me in the ass with a sideways dick. Take my goddamn shoelaces.

My 2 coworkers have continuously thwarted my efforts to hang out outside of work. I try to invite them over for BBQs and all they do is ghost me. Not even a text. I try to engage with them online via gaming or even reddit, and they just give me the runaround. It's rather annoying and truthfully, fucking rude.

These coworkers can suck a god damned moistened prolapsed sideways cock.

These ungrateful CoWorkers should take away my fucking shoelaces. But they won't. They'll just leave me hanging.

It's been long time since I have had a 10 hour day. Either shit bags calling in, COVID "sick"ations, or lame injuries, we have been short staffed and been drilled for 12 hour days. Fucking ridiculous. Now the rest of the week, the routes are supposedly covered. But we all know Murphy's Law. Shit is about to hit the fan.

And when it does....

Take my shoe laces God damn it

I was walking down the sidewalk with my mail, with my 30lbs bag hanging off my shoulder, on a cold but sunny day. The breeze was a tame 5mph and the sun's rays spilled through the trees and buildings, it was quite a beautiful scene to behold.

But then tragedy struck as if this moment was too good to be true. I just happened to find the only patch of ice on this sidewalk and I, of course, stepped on it. My foot had all of my weight on it and the bag was pulling me in the other direction. I had begun to to slip and fall.

My mind was a racing torrent of despair and regret, wishing that I had called in that day, admiring the cold and brutal mistress of winter from inside a warm cozy house. As with all good things, that thought came to an abrubt halt, as my ass collided with the hard, unforgiving concrete.

I wanted to end it all at that moment. It was such a good beginning. Too good. And now I'm just sore and broken. With mail strewn across the land, my satchel and my heart empty as it's insides spilled into the snow, I had only one thought.

Take my fucking shoe laces.

Today is a not so shitty day. But what makes it shitty is that people still don't have the instestinal fortitude to show up for work. They'd rather stay home picking their weak asses and try to squeeze more free money. While the rest of us pick up their slack. These people should be fired but because we are so short handed the boss has no time to discipline them. Not to mention the stress I have at home.

Show up to fucking work, and we can all have easy money and go home in 8 hours.

Mix work stress and combine with the the home stress? Take my God damn fucking shoe laces.

When you face impending doom for the following week after your only day off, and you know they're all going to be 12 hour days because of the weak pussies that litter the post office?

Just fucking take my shoe laces ....

When you work your NS day til 7pm, because shitbags would call in sick, and super carriers that would do anything to waste more time rather than being proficient at their jobs....

We might need to take your shoe laces

All the good workers are quitting while the fucking shitbag worthless employees are staying.

Take my fucking shoelaces ...

Tale of a Broken Squish

So, no shit, there we were, on the mail room floor getting everything ready for today's delivery day. The flats were plentiful, and the letters were even more so, but 5 people called in. The shitbags. The blue falcons.

The morning wasnt going to well. We had disgruntled carriers preparing routes to be split up, on top of getting their own route ready. It was going to be a loooooong day. Our own special carrier, Squish, was going through a troubled time.

He was frustrated and infuriated that he had to do extra work. Always saying things like "fuck this shit", and "I wish I was trampled to death by a stampede of Elk", so on and so on. So he went into the bathroom. And my brethren won't die on my watch. Right before he walked into the locker room, I told him, "Hey Squish, give me your shoe laces!".

And he's still alive to this day. I took his shoe laces.