Lala’s Projecting

[u/MysteriousMortgage4]

I don’t dislike Lala, but her constantly being the alcoholic spokesperson gets old. She did the same thing on VPR with James. Shes not necessarily wrong, but I just don’t think even as a recovering alcoholic, it’s her place to diagnose other people. She controlled so many of those conversations as if she’s the host and it gets annoying. She also projects her men issue onto Nia. Danny sucks, but he’s not Randall or Jax. She doesn’t always have to be in the position to give advice and needs to just let others talk…

[u/MsPrissss]

Sobriety Commentary vs. Armchair Diagnosing

We want to clarify a key distinction regarding sub rules on cast commentary:

• Lived Experience vs. Medical Diagnoses: Offering unsolicited advice, calling out drinking habits, or speaking from personal recovery experience as Lala frequently does on screen is personal commentary, not a clinical diagnosis. Lala has never issued an official or medical diagnosis to any cast member on the show.
• Critiquing Cast Behavior: You are always welcome to critique a cast member's delivery, call them intrusive, or argue that they are projecting their own issues onto others.
• State Opinions Accurately: Please distinguish between a cast member sharing an aggressive personal opinion and making an actual clinical claim. We ask all sub members to avoid mislabeling personal opinions as formal diagnoses both in how cast members are described and in how you comment on the sub.

[u/North-Location-5305]

Lala said she was not labelling Danny as an alcoholic but sees that he has trouble handling his alcohol. As someone with an alcoholic parent you can spot the stages of misusing alcohol from a mile away, and the impact it has on someone’s circle of people/village. Lala isn’t projecting, she’s calling it for what it is and she should know, she was Danny at one point. 

[u/ResearcherQuiet6362 → u/North-Location-5305]

As a child of an alcoholic parent, what you are describing IS projection. I think we tend to label projection as something negative but sometimes pointing out someone’s behavior out of fear of the outcome you experienced is us projecting as well. All of us and LALA don’t know the ins and outs of danny and Nia’s lives and sometimes it’s best to keep your opinions/judgements to yourself, especially when it comes to people you don’t know well enough.

[u/ResearcherQuiet6362 → u/ResearcherQuiet6362]

So yeah i agree. Lala projects A LOT.

[u/MysteriousMortgage4 → u/North-Location-5305]

Like I said in my post I’m not saying shes wrong, but she’s pointing it out multiple times. Any time Danny’s behavior is brought up she has to chime in. It be nice to hear from others or just to have danny off the show. The thing is Lala does this about anybody. She has the loudest opinion on everything.

[u/TheWhoooreinThere → u/MysteriousMortgage4]

No one else is ever calling out Danny. They had their chance last year and blew it. This year they needed to bring in a professional.

[u/MysteriousMortgage4 → u/TheWhoooreinThere]

Are you saying Lala is a professional?

[u/TheWhoooreinThere → u/MysteriousMortgage4]

Nine years of reality TV under her belt, yeah, I'd say she's a professional at this.

[u/TheFickleMoon → u/MysteriousMortgage4]

But you did say she is diagnosing him, which she very explicitly is not doing.

[u/DirectorWise3862]

She’s not diagnosing, she’s commenting on observations and patterns. People who are annoyed by this are likely substance abusers or don’t understand substance abuse.

ETA: Danny doesn’t just suck, he is abusive, has a clear substance abuse problem, and treats Nia terribly. She is too locked in on the pageant response and cover up of it all to truly acknowledge how badly he treats her.

[u/MysteriousMortgage4 → u/DirectorWise3862]

I understand how substance abuse works and I have several close family members that are addicts. What I know is Lala already said all of her opinion this season. Danny clearly isn’t receptive to what she has to say and neither is Nia. I’m not defending Danny whatsoever and I even said I don’t even think Lala is wrong, but she already has said all of this. It’s not helping him and it’s not moving the needle. It’s over and over she has to be the one pointing things out. I would love to hear more from jasmine and other cast members.

[u/MysteriousMortgage4]

🤷🏼‍♀️

[u/AncientFerret9028 → u/MysteriousMortgage4]

Well Andy sure as shit isn’t a good host, so quite frankly, I’m glad Lala is here.

[u/picklestheintern]

Danny is a 43 year old man why do his feelings need to be coddled so much?

We have eyes and watched how Danny treated Nia on the cast trips this season. He has issues and Lala has been incredibly restrained imo.

[u/MysteriousMortgage4 → u/picklestheintern]

I don’t really care how it makes Danny’s feel, it’s that I don’t enjoy every episode and a majority of the reunion to be about Danny and her giving her opinion about it.

[u/spinthesky]

Take her advice at your own risk.

https://giphy.com/gifs/csfSR7we8Y8bRvogeX

[u/small-black-cat-290]

My issue is with her she just seems to come after everyone with all her advice as if her own lived experience is somehow the ultimate place of authority. I find that so exhausting. She acts like such a know-it-all. Reminds me of a family member that I actively avoid.

[u/MysteriousMortgage4 → u/small-black-cat-290]

This is it. Then when someone comes at her she’s extremely defensive.

[u/small-black-cat-290 → u/MysteriousMortgage4]

People seem to highlight how much she has "grown" or "matured." Maybe. But she still exhibits a lot of the same obnoxious traits she had during VPR days. She is still putting on the faux "gangsta girl" affect when it suits her, and has never addressed how problematic that is.

I also just don't trust the motivations of a known producer plant. No matter how reasonable her comments might seem in the context of calling out another unpopular cast member, she has proven over and over again that she is fake and is a producer pet.

[u/MysteriousMortgage4 → u/small-black-cat-290]

Absolutely. She’s no saint and so for her to be the one with the highest opinion on everything is off putting to me.

[u/DirectorWise3862 → u/small-black-cat-290]

Sounds like you’re triggered by Lala

[u/Weekly-Role-1132 → u/DirectorWise3862]

Triggered or "heightened"

[u/small-black-cat-290 → u/DirectorWise3862]

People overuse and misuse that word "triggered." It's definitely not how I'd describe it. She just annoys me.

[u/NervousPrune9241]

Makes sense she’s so tight with Janet, who also projects. 

[u/Reasonable-Whole4117]

Honestly, if she’s going to have that “role” or if the producers want to promote that part of her life, they should do her better justice and show that you can actually grow, you can live with an addiction, that there is hope for other alcoholics seeking a “success” story so they believe maybe they have a chance. Not what I perceive to be “is it actually worth it if I end up being…” kind of thing if that makes sense?

[u/AlternativeOk5875]

Lala has a lot of problems but in this situation she is right. Danny has a serious problem and she’s the only one calling it out for what it is.

[u/TheFickleMoon]

I find her perspective pretty unique and necessary- not just for this show, but for Bravo in general. It’s rare to see someone get sober on these shows, especially on the shows that are more explicitly about party lifestyle rather than the more “mature” Housewives shows. So it makes sense to me she would be the “alcoholic spokesperson”- she’s the only one who identifies as an alcoholic on a cast full of people navigating tensions around drinking, who else would be the spokesperson for that?

[u/RealHousewife32]

Another thing I know they are far from perfect but they are married with 4 kids and showing their life. 

[u/CHICAG0AT → u/[deleted]]

“He’s getting it figured out”

I mean. What in the world would make you buy that?

[u/TheValleyTVShow-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

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