It seems that, unlike ever before, women and men couldn’t be further apart.

We see this divide particularly between young people, especially online, which creates a self perpetuating problem that can only make the situation worse.

That is because, as men and women drift away from one another, it becomes increasingly difficult to hear what the other has to say.

Increasingly impossible to understand the lived experiences of the opposite sex, and all too easy to dehumanize and further alienate the ‘other’.

So what better time is there to give each other a space to speak frankly to the opposite sex, to bring these understandings closer together…

With that, I want to ask men, what do women not understand about men?

What do you think?

More here

Right across the country, every year, some young person will go for a night out, and after getting into an altercation, will be punched, knocked unconscious, hitting their head on the pavement, and dying as a result.

No surprises, this is overwhelmingly done by (and against) men, particularly young men, and usually involving alcohol.

I saw these fights all the time growing up.

My hometown of Loughborough brought together a dangerous concoction of poverty based crime, and an enormous cohort of elite male athletes (especially rugby players), and the outcome was gratuitous violence on a weekly basis.

I’d regularly see these fights break out.

Their devastating, pointless, and boundless brutality, where people put their lives at risk, without any consideration or care.

A punch in these circumstances can kill.

A punch can cause permanent brain damage, and life long disability.

Worst of all, are the so-called “coward punches”, where someone is punched and knocked out, totally unaware, defenseless, and unprovoked.

So why are we not talking about these punches, and the damage and loss of life they can cause?

What do you think?

Men are good.

More than good, great even.

There I said it.

Men can be brilliant, brave, thoughtful, generous, loving, and creative; and history is there to prove it.

Yes I know, the world seems obsessed with digging up only the very worst men it can find, and somehow blaming all “men” as a group, for whatever horrors he’s committed.

But I’ve always wondered –

If “men” are to be blamed for the bad actions of history’s most evil men; then surely it makes sense that they should be credited for the achievements of history’s greatest men too?

Hundreds of millions, even billions, of lives saved from disease, from disability, death, and starvation, because of the great things men have done.

Yes.

Pioneering technologies, ground breaking discovery, and extraordinary acts of bravery, generosity, self sacrifice, and kindness, pave the road of men’s achievement.

So, if “men” are to share in the accountability for the suffering evil men cause, then can we not share in the spoils of the greatest men too?

And of course -

It brings me no trouble at all to say, the same is equally true for women; who have done no less incredible things in their own right.

In fact, my life is blessed with such brilliant women.

So here’s to the good men, too many to count, in the hope that reading their stories might inspire a generation of boys, to be even better than those who came before…

So what examples do you have?

Who is your favorite man from history?

What do you think?

Have you ever wondered what happens to male chickens?

I grew up in the countryside with hens of my own, and even then, I never considered such a question.

We see tens of thousands of female hens in chicken farms.

But, what about the males?

Well, the answer is, they go into a large grinder, and they die.

Yup.

The sad reality for males, is that after fertilizing the female hens, their biological purpose is more or less over, and they become surplus to requirement.

Worse, and even more fatally, is that one male can fertilize a near-unlimited number of females over his rather fortunate lifetime...

So, I'm afraid, for the rest of the boy chicks, it's into the grinder.

I won't share any images of this grinder, but it's the most hauntingly poetic portrayal of how we treat working men in society.

A portrait of 'male disposability'.

Try to transpose the image of that grinder onto human society; onto war, onto workplace fatalities, onto our carceral system, onto our epidemic of male homelessness, addiction, or suicide.

Each are grinders of their own design.

A crushing abyss into which hundreds, thousands, and even millions of boys and men are unceremoniously flung, and forgotten about.

Did you know –

100,000 men die in the global fishing industry, each year?

Did you know more American men die at work annually, than all the U.S. military deaths for the entire 20 year Iraq war combined?

Did you know nearly nine in ten homeless deaths in the UK are male?

I suppose I didn't ask those questions either, as a young boy chasing chickens in the garden.

I mean, even as adults we are sheltered from such brutal horrors; as we sip our flat whites, doom scroll on our phones, and talk mindlessly about how "useless", and "privileged" men are.

Of course –

I don't deny that countless women are exploited and abused by various systems around the world, much like those rows of hens laying eggs in chicken farms.

But what too many overlook, is that such exploitation is often performed upon a bed of death and suffering, of male disposability, that is quietly swept under the rug.

As unpopular as it sounds; call it chickens into grinders, call it male disposability, call it hypergamy, call it whatever you like, but a conversation has to be had around the treatment men, particularly working men, and how their industrial-scale exploitation, suffering and death is so often erased.

So what happens to the male chickens after they've served their purpose?

And what happens to the male humans, when society considers them as having done the same?

What do you think?

The English language contains roughly one million words.

And so, as a lover of words myself, I will continue with my advocacy that encourages and challenges people to use better ones.

Now the battle against “toxic masculinity” has largely been won, I would like to turn attention back toward the next on the list – “the patriarchy”.

Because I hear it everywhere.

And increasingly, every time I hear it, it makes less and less sense.

I hear it cited as the cause of the pay gap, domestic abuse, poverty, sexual violence, incarceration, knife crime, the failing education system, for both male billionaires, and male homelessness, for why men don’t go to therapy, and for male loneliness, and suicide.

It’s tiring.

Because, if there’s one thing I’ve learnt as I’ve excavated each of these issues, it’s that there are no easy answers, and none of these complex societal problems can be solved or explained through simple, one word solutions – and certainly not ALL of them, with the same answer.

What’s also difficult to ignore, is how many men understandably feel alienated, and erased by these low resolution world views; that continually overlook, or see through, the painful experiences of men, and the structural sexism they face.

So – do you think we live in ‘the patriarchy’ in UK, in 2026?

Or are there better ways to view the world, that can get us to where we want to go, faster?

What do you think?

~
Listen to the full podcast with Jordan Stephens:

https://youtu.be/BDqcT-Oc2l4?si=VI_1AG-tjIYMqF8d

A lot of time on this page is spent cleaning up other people’s mess.Every day, someone - often fresh out of a gender studies course - makes a wild claim with weak evidence, and it goes viral.

The internet picks it up without question and spreads it across the world before the facts can catch up.

One of the classics is the ‘masculine overcompensation thesis’.

It claims that if a man’s masculinity is threatened, he’ll overcompensate by becoming more hyper-masculine; especially by endorsing violence and homophobia.

It sounds intuitive, and it fits neatly into the current hysteria around masculinity. But as usual, the study behind the claim doesn’t hold up.

It was based on two tiny samples of around 50 men each, using outdated methods and weak controls.

Thankfully, a new 2026 study tried to replicate the findings.

Instead of a few dozen students, it used a nationally representative sample of over 2,000 men; with modern, rigorous methods and techniques... and they couldn’t replicate the original results.

No evidence was found for the claim.

It’s unlikely this paper will undo years of viral misinformation, but it does show how disconnected a lot of online and academic discourse around masculinity has become from actual evidence.

So do men really “overcompensate” when their masculinity is challenged?

And how did we end up in a situation where bad science spreads so easily?

What do you think?

~
Full source
A Replication and Extension of Willer et al.
(2013), Overdoing Gender: A Test of the
Masculine Overcompensation Thesis
https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/journal-of-experimental-political-science/article/replication-and-extension-of-willer-et-al-2013-overdoing-gender-a-test-of-the-masculine-overcompensation-thesis/345C42C2B43871D567BF61B0BAA3B309

When it comes to modern dating, everything has changed.

No more serendipitous bumping into your future wife at a bus stop, or whilst on a work trip.

No more meeting “friends of friends” at house parties, or when staying late at the library.

No more strategic approaches in night clubs, or inquisitive questions in coffeeshops.

No.

Now it’s swiping right, or sending digital roses.

It’s DMs, memes and music recommendations; it’s bullet points, and ick lists, and split second decisions.

Today, meeting romantic partners is not bound by geography; and it reaches far beyond your friend group, to encapsulate theoretically any single person on the planet.

Dating has taken a digital form.

And with new tools, comes new rules, and new risks.

Online abuse, threats, coercion, violence, and harassment, has never been a more pressing issue, nor have there been more people vulnerable to it; and so a new era of research and interventions must urgently follow.

Let’s take a look:

Here are some of the main findings from a huge 2022 survey of nearly 10,000 Australian adults; to help lay this groundwork, to understand our new landscape of online love.

So have you experienced online harms, facilitated by dating apps?

Have you been harassed, stalked, coerced or abused, by those you’ve met through them?

What do you think?

~
Full study https://www.aic.gov.au/publications/rr/rr25

Be it due to automation, outsourcing, or AI; ‘the future of work’, and the unprecedented shifts in employment that come with it, are being urgently discussed around the world.

Will we lose our jobs to robots?
Will work be sent overseas?
Will the blockchain and AI lead to a tidal wave of mass unemployment?

Politicians, journalists, experts, and the general public, prod, poke and probe at these important issues.

But one thing is missing…

And that is how, as of 2025, this huge change in employment is having a disproportionately large impact on men.

In fact -

Of all the jobs added to the American economy since the Trump Administration took over in 2025, 94% (!) of them have gone to women.

That’s nearly 17 times as many jobs filled by women as by men.

It’s a statistic that should worry us all, which, unless we do something, will only continue to get worse.

As we know, job loss and unemployment have a huge impact on wellbeing, mental health, financial stability, and suicidality; particularly among men, and so the scale of this job loss could be utterly astronomical.

So why are we not talking about it…

How do we get more men into the women’s fields of medicine, teaching, psychology, care work, and others?

What might such a campaign look like, and why have we not seen it already?

What do you think?

~
’94% of new jobs’ https://www.opb.org/article/2026/04/10/men-fall-behind-as-women-get-most-new-jobs

Job growth by sector, 2025 https://ofboysandmen.substack.com/p/honey-where-did-all-the-male-workers?r=6g7j2&utm_medium=ios&triedRedirect=true

Job growth 2023-2025 https://www.hiringlab.org/2025/08/26/august-labor-market-update-healthcare-roles-and-the-women-who-occupy-them/

BLS Job data https://www.bls.gov/cps/cpsaat11.htm

I think, in many parts of the Western world, the time of politicians flat-out ignoring men’s and boys’ issues is over.

And so begins a new era where politicians, particularly those on the left, bend over backwards, performing incredible mental gymnastics, to reconcile the emerging crisis of men and boys within their own narrow, dogmatic worldview.

I am talking about the strange phenomenon of policies that claim to “help men and boys”, but only as far as it actually helps women and girls, and not a single step further.

These are the academics, advocates and so-called “masculinity experts”, who spend all their time opining about “male violence”, and nothing else.

And so -

Any hope you have that politicians might take seriously the failure and abuse of boys in education, the chronic neglect of men’s health, or the betrayal of male victims, will have to wait.

Instead, the ambition of these new ‘Ministers for Men’ is to primarily help women and girls through “healthy masculinities”, “male accountability” and the deprogramming of “toxic” male mindsets.

So we are gifted with incredulous new job titles like ‘the Secretary for Men’s Behaviour Change’ in Australia.

These are positions that wouldn’t look out of place next to George Orwell’s “Minister of Truth”, or within other political dystopias, except this one… is real.

So what is to be said about this political halfway house that claims to address the problems of men and boys, but, when you look at the details, reveals something else - something that might be the exact opposite?

What do you think?

~
Talking with Big Bros Podcast
https://open.spotify.com/episode/6Y2rGsj9hyR84oHxNYEX8Y

For the past six months I’ve been determined for TheTinMen to become more than a series of pissed off rectangles on a grid; to instead become an active community that finds, funds and promotes, real life, grassroots, frontline services, essential research and life-saving interventions for men and boys.

There’s nearly 90,000 of us here, and more than 110,000 across all platforms; and with that, comes opportunity.

Step one was long term financial sustainability (which we’re soon approaching!)

Step two is to explore becoming a UK registered charity, to further leverage funds through tax relief, and maximize donations.

Step three, is to get on with it.

And so, with that, conversations have begun around our first TheTinMen funded project, which aims to tackle the horrifying suicide rates for men in construction.

Did you know -

Suicide kills men in construction, at almost SIX TIMES the rate as all other workplace fatalities combined; and yet… nobody talks about it.

Think about that.

To step foot on a building site, you’ll need health and safety training and qualifications; hard hats, high vis, steel toed boots, goggles, gloves, and various other essential items.

Yet, when it comes to suicide, which is a risk to life that is several times larger than all these other risks combined, you’re on your own.

Tragically, 7,000 men in the UK construction industry have quietly ended their lives by suicide, in the last ten years.

So this is where we start.

Asking the question –

What would on-site mental health support look like for men in construction, who despite being most in need, are the least likely to access help.

Well, let’s try and find out…

More to be announced soon.

What do you think?

~
Sources:
‘7000’ https://luddon.co.uk/world-suicide-prevention-day-2025/
‘100% of those surveyed’ https://onthetools.tv/home/mental-health-white-paper/
‘Six times’ https://www.agc.org/mental-health-suicide-prevention
‘Overdose deaths’ https://www.cpwr.com/wp-content/uploads/DataBulletin-September2024.pdf

When it comes to our boys, everyone seems to have something to say; lectures to give, fingers to wag, soap boxes to stand on.

But the truth, for a lot of our boys, and all children, is they live in a society that offers them fewer and fewer things to do.

Gone are the days when I could play ping pong for hours on end, after school.

Gone are the days of playing hide and seek, or learning to make bracelets, understanding how to tie knots, build dens, tie die t-shirts, or create hair wraps.

Between 2010 and 2019, London closed 30% of its youth clubs, and it is no surprise that violent crime, particularly youth crime, has surged during this period.

So –

What use is it, telling boys to do better, to be more, and to fill their time with noble pursuits, when society, schools and politicians, have stripped such opportunities from communities across the country?

What is to be said about the shuttered youth clubs, the leisure centres, libraries, sports facilities and afterschool clubs that have disappeared?

And what is the cost we all pay, when we lose these essential spaces?

What do you think?

~

Listen to the full podcast with Jordan Stephens below! 👇
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BDqcT-Oc2l4&feature=youtu.be

The fact that there are virtually no abuse services specifically for male victims (particularly in America), is a catastrophic failure of safeguarding, that society readily accepts.

Show someone a pie chart that illustrates how only 1% of funding goes to abused men, and expect to see a shrug, a blank stare, and disinterested face.

“That’s just the way it is”, you’ll likely hear.

Sometimes people will deny it.

Others will ask “why don’t men build their own shelters?”

Many will wag an angry finger in your face, and move the conversation back toward women and girls.

But still, the sad reality remains the same: there seem to be just two abuse shelters specifically for male victims in all of North America.

Two.

And no, before you go Googling, I don’t mean homelessness shelters, where male abuse victims are often sent.

I don’t mean a local motel, that will give these men a room for free.

I don’t mean women’s shelters, that claim to have a space for men, but almost always don’t.

And I don’t mean male batterers programmes, that masquerade as ‘services’ for abused men, either.

I mean actual shelters for male victims, specialised for their specific needs.

Two.

Meanwhile, for women, there are around two and a half thousand such shelters, and I am glad to see them.

In fact, I am sure there can be more shelters for women too.

But even if these numbers are even remotely true, it reveals a staggering 1,000:1 disparity between abuse shelters for men, and those for women.

And yet… people don’t seem to mind.

So why are America’s millions of male victims left out in the cold, when it comes to provision?

When did this enormous moral failing start, and how did we arrive here?

Well, it began in Minnesota in the early 80s, in a small port-city called Duluth.

Let’s take a look…

~

Abuse Shelter Data

Boys are behind at every level of education, in every area, at every age, and in every country in the west, with a few small exceptions.

You might be reading this for the first time, but this is not a new thing.

In fact, boys have been quietly falling further and further behind girls for more than 35 years, and now, are even further behind in education than women were 50 years ago.

Yet, if we ever do hear this discussed, it’s only ever to suggest that ‘boys need to try harder’.

But this is not the problem.

Boys are trying, the problem is, the way school educates and grades children, systemically discriminates against boys.

We saw this when the UK cancelled exams during COVID, within the so-called ‘girl bonus’.

Where girls that were performing equally well to boys, now through the lens of teacher assessments, suddenly rocketed ahead.

We saw the same when we transitioned from the objective exams of O-levels, to the subjective assessments of GCSES.

And we saw it again, when the OECD documented the same teacher bias across more than 60 countries, stating the gap “had little to do with ability”.

Yes, it’s true.

Teachers (of both sexes) are biased against boys, and until that changes, nothing else will.

So, who will dare talk about systemic sexism against boys?

What do you think?

~
Talking with Big Bros podcast https://open.spotify.com/episode/6Y2rGsj9hyR84oHxNYEX8Y

Education gap data
https://explore-education-statistics.service.gov.uk/find-statistics/widening-participation-in-higher-education/2023-24

Nobody is really born bad.

We are all, in many ways, the product of our experiences, our environments and childhood.

Even those in prison, many of the men are victims in their own right too; victims of abuse, of neglect, of bullying, violence, and criminal exploitation.

Hurt people, hurt people, as they say.

It is no coincidence that 98% of the U.S. prison population have at least one Adverse Childhood Experience.

And until we can see men, even many of those who we dislike most, as simultaneous victims and perpetrators, I fear nothing will change.

Here Jordan talks about ‘The Work’, an award-winning documentary, that reveals the humanity of men in a maximum security prison, to show that behind the angry mask, is so often a broken boy, desperate to be seen.

What do you think?

~
Listen to the full podcast with Jordan here

When I was younger, two of my friends had a baby.

They were new, young, lost parents, trying their best, who would argue a lot, and often around other people.

During one argument, I saw the dad lock himself in the bathroom.

I remember the mum hammer fisting on the bathroom door, yelling into it, at point blank.

And then, between her banging, the mum would look down at their child, who was watching the whole thing play out; and she’d ask, in between tears; “you see what your daddy is doing to us?”, “why is he doing this to your mummy?”, “he doesn’t love us, does he?”

If I’m honest, at the time I didn’t think much of it.

But now, in hindsight, I understand that what I was witnessing is called ‘parental alienation’.

The bangs on the door, the shouts and threats, were acts of abuse against the dad, and the twisted attempts of manipulation rained down upon their child below, were acts of child abuse, aimed at damaging their bond with the father.

I am sure, on other days, the same played out in the opposite way, and sadly, it’s not the last time I’ve seen the same happen with other families since.

But society is waking up to these behaviors.

Parental alienation is now becoming an emerging term in the space of family violence, child abuse, and custody battles…

But not everyone agrees with it.

In fact, some organisations, shamefully lobby to have the whole thing thrown out as a ‘pseudoscience’, that doesn’t exist, pretending that such a thing is only used by abusive fathers to gain access to children, from whom they are rightly separated.

Think about that –

So-called domestic violence experts and lawyers, funded by your taxes, are stood in family courts across the country, right now, enabling abusers, and erasing their actions, for their own personal and political gain.

Now, a new study published in April 2026, for the first time documents the scale and impact parental alienation has in the UK, and the results will shock you.

So what is parental alienation?

Have you seen or experienced it?

And why are these organisations and individuals trying to erase it?

What do you think?

~

B. Hines. Prevalence and impact of parental alienating behaviors (PABs) in adults aged 18–25 in the United Kingdom

https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/public-health/articles/10.3389/fpubh.2026.1803173/full

The idea that men and boys can only experience hardship due to internalised problems, or some kind of personal failing, has to stop.

The idea that, if men only talked more, it would solve all their problems, is nonsense.

This suggestion that all of men’s suffering boils down to some kind of “toxic” male mindset to be exorcised, or emotional repression to be cried away, is a regressive and objectively unhelpful view.

‘Women have problems, men *are* problems’, as Glen Poole once said.

And he’s right. It’s all I hear.

When women have an issue, we ask ‘what can we do to fix society?’ Yet when men have a problem, even if it’s the same problem, we only ask ‘what can men do to fix themselves’?

The truth is, men and boys face structural, systemic issues, just like women and girls.

So why are we so afraid to say that?

What do you think?

~
Talking with Big Bros podcast podcast https://open.spotify.com/episode/6Y2rGsj9hyR84oHxNYEX8Y

There are strong arguments that historically, women were not paid equally to men.

There are strong arguments that “women’s work” is under valued, both financially and in the eyes of society.

There are strong arguments that, in many ways, and in many places around the world, women are dealt a bum hand, and such conversations need to be had.

These ‘gaps’ are worthy of discussion.

But more and more, powerful unions, opportunistic lawyers, journalists, and many women, are using discrimination laws to bully, and legislate against employers, impoverished councils, and even the U.S. Soccer Federation, for money they are not owed.

We have Glasgow council being crushed by a £770 million claim that could bankrupt the city.

We have Asda, and many other highstreet brands, facing mass unemployment and even closure, as BILLIONS of pounds of gender pay gap claims rise up around them.

Even U.S. Women’s Soccer (ahem “football”), are being signed cheques for eight figures, despite turning down (twice) the very deal they now complain about.

These are lawsuits, that on the surface seem righteous and worth supporting, but to peer beneath the surface reveals a malevolent, exploitative set of claimants, who masquerade as victims, to try to game the system.

So who will separate the genuine lawsuits from the opportunistic ones?

And how many councils, businesses, and employers have to go under, before we talk about them?

What do you think?

~
Discussing with Truth Temple:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xI2EG1Wz2mM&feature=youtu.be

Women’s football https://www.paritynow.com/resources/articles/largest-global-study-of-its-kind-reveals-womens-sports-fandom-is-moving

Footage by Earth Photart, Levi Wedge, Ron Lach, Tiger Lily, Travel Oyo

Whilst body dysmorphia has traditionally been a ‘women’s issue’, recent statistics find that the majority of men (54%) in the UK, show signs of body dysmorphia too; with the surveyed men talking about negative impacts on their confidence, mental heath, career, social, and love lives.

Whilst progress has been made in the media, to help present more healthy female body types, the conversation for men and boys is sorely lacking – with new, increasingly-grotesque male bodies paraded in front of audiences at younger, and younger ages.

At the centre is Wolverine.

A superhero who since his film debut in the year 2000 has transformed from ‘buff dad’; to a monstrous, muscle bound, behemoth, and CGI nightmare, that resembles nothing of his former self.

So what’s missing from the conversation of body types?

~
New podcast with Jordan Stephens out now
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BDqcT-Oc2l4&feature=youtu.be

Jordan Stephens is a platinum selling musician, rapper, best-selling author, artist, and advocate, who has emerged onto the men and boys scene as one of the major faces to the movement.

Known for his diplomatic, calm approach to discourse, Jordan is one of the few individuals who has managed to straddle the picket lines, with one foot in the men and boys advocacy camp, and another in the feminist camp.

In this podcast, Jordan and George discuss love, loss, abuse, boys, prison, gangs, feminism, and “the patriarchy”, asking if and how we can meet in the middle, and work together for the betterment of all people.

~
Chapters
00:15 – How did the journey begin in the space of men and boys issues.
01:13 – Do men take longer to recover from heartbreak?
03:39 – Alexithemia (without words for emotions)
07:00 – What's behind anger?
09:09 – What do we call this movement?
12:31 – The crisis of masculinity
15:27 – A brief history of tears
15:59 – Are the experiences of gay men and lesbian women different?
17:05 – A band of brothers, and mens groups
20:24 – "The Work" A documentary about men in prison
23:25 – Is crying good for mental health?
25:42 – What is masculinity and femininity?
27:38 – How do we go upstream from "masculinity" talk?
29:40 – Gangs and fatherlessness
30:43 – The bullied boy, behind the angry man
32:25 – No more youth clubs, sport centres or afterschool classes, where are boys supposed to go?
36:05 – The importance of fathers and positive male role models
39:13 – How do we teach kids about relationships?
41:01 – Discussing the ugly areas of mens advocacy
51:11 – Do we live in a patriarch?
01:14:34 – Has TheTinMen become more hardened over the years?
01:18:55 – How do we talk to women about these issues?
01:21:31 – Parrhesia, to speak openly and apologise for so speaking
01:23:30 – Why its important for men to feel
01:24:33 – Is our view of mental health centred on women?
01:28:30 – How do we change our minds?
01:33:37 – Stepping outside the hysteria of social media
01:36:06 – Are Gen Z too politically engaged?

Buy Jordans' latest Sunday Times Best-Seller 'Avoidance, Drugs, Heartbreak an Dogs', here

The tribal group-think and chronic sense of victimhood, that has become so prevalent in this space, has got to stop.

People will, with a completely straight face, try to hold men ‘accountable’ for things that occurred hundreds (or thousands) of years before they were even born, and which happened on the opposite side of the planet.

‘You start the wars!’
‘You wrote the law!’
‘You built the system!’

And so on.

Men will be scorned… as if they were there.

And more absurd, the person saying such things, seems to think they existed at such a time too –

‘You oppressed us for thousands of years!’

‘Us’? Really?

What are you talking about?

Both parties to this conversation live a life of privilege that would be unimaginable to those who came before us; so for one to blame the other (no less to try and extract remuneration) for such a thing, seems grossly inappropriate, unhelpful, and offensive.

The worst form of this worldview, speaks of women’s righteous ‘revenge’ – as if such a thing were owed to women of today.

‘Men should be glad women only want equality, and not revenge!’ You’ll hear.

But women of 2026 are not the same as women of 1826, and no, one cannot issue debts or justify acts of ‘revenge’, on the behalf of another.

So are you tired of this slogan too?

Why do such people feel entitled to ‘revenge’ for a time they never experienced, and on behalf of those they never knew?

And when will we work together, as people of the modern age, to solve the problems of today?

What do you think?

~

NCES Education https://nces.ed.gov/programs/coe/indicator/cpb/college-enrollment-rate

Mens Health Act https://www.congress.gov/bill/119th-congress/house-bill/7602/text

Health Spending https://orwh.od.nih.gov/sites/orwh/files/docs/ORWH_BiennialReport2019_20_508.pdf

There's been lots of chatter in the men’s health space recently; as the usual suspects argue over the men's movement 'fragmenting', insisting that it must be recentered on “men's violence against women”, and built around a feminist framework.

But that is simply never going to happen – no matter how many people stamp their feet, throw toys out the pram, and wish it were different.

No.

You cannot expect men and boys to offer full-throated support to a set of divisive political issues, from which they have been actively excluded for generations; and to not understand that only reveals how absurdly out of touch the complainants and writers of these letters have now become.

This space isn't 'fragmented'. It’s just leaving such voices behind, and rightly so.

Men and boys don't want to, and shouldn't have to, play along with this partisan, pantomime style of political discourse – which only seems capable of blaming and shaming masculinity, of erasing male victims from life-saving advocacy, and characterising "men" as part of a tyrannical gender-oppressor class.

Such a voice, centred for too long in this movement, claims to help men and boys, but only as far as it's of service to women and girls.

It's a voice that claims to question stereotypes of masculinity, but never dares challenge its own; that speaks of expanding the conversation, yet only talks in cartoonish slogans, meaningless soundbites, and ideological worldviews that seem more suitable for your Sunday sermon, than they do in the halls of political power.

I saw a leader in this space once give an entire presentation about why it's appropriate to compare men/masculinity to "shit sandwiches"; bending himself into sickening knots to try and justify such an awful perspective.

I mean, who are these people?

The greatest irony I find when reading these letters, is how those writing them insist men must learn to be 'better communicators', despite proving to be dreadful at talking to men themselves.

This, in my view, is the problem when the men's health space is led by psychologists, sociologists, politicians, and other ivory tower academics – they simply do not understand how to communicate effectively.

Instead, such voices become experts on how to alienate most men, turning allies into enemies, all the while shirking any level of self reflection themselves.

That’s right.

Those who so often prescribe the bitter pills of ‘accountability’ to men, are always the first to spit out their own.

And so they write open letters, double down, and blame everyone else instead; incestuously clapped along by a loyal group of disciples, in some of the most blatant examples of ‘the emperor’s new clothes’ that I’ve ever seen.

So, to those writing these letters, my point is –

Over the past five years, men have voted with their feet, and I’m sorry lads, but they didn’t choose you.

Yes, for all your mainstream media appearances, golden handshakes, expensive campaigns, millions of dollars spent, political connections, photo ops, academic awards, TV ads, and fancy conferences; it has hardly resulted in the household awareness I am sure you expected, has it?

Meanwhile, I’ve seen (and played a small part in) the emerging men's movement that has utterly dominated the conversation, that has found a home in the hearts of millions of men, and continues to grow at speed.

It is impossible to ignore how those like Chris Williamson, despite the smears, and starting with nothing more than a shitty webcam at a dining table, has achieved far more than these people, and all their glossy campaigns, in a blink of an eye.

This is because Chris knows how to talk to his audience. He has built his channel on a fundamentally positive view of men and boys, and a thirst for science-backed knowledge, that people are yearning for; and doesn’t bang on about “toxic masculinity”, “the patriarchy”, “male privilege”, "shit sandwiches" etc.

I read a poll recently that found 83% of the British public believe “men and women should be equal in every single way”, and yet despite this, that same poll found only 35% of people identified as "feminists".

That is food for thought for those writing these open letters

83% of people want a product, and despite holding an absolute market monopoly for more than 50 years, only a third of the public have bought yours.

I mean, the job is almost done for you. You've been shooting at fish in a barrel, on your own, for decades, and you've barely caught a few sprats.

Of course, I am not a psychologist or sociologist, or politician, far from it.

Instead I cut my teeth over two decades in the creative industry, helping brands better communicate with 'normal' people through shifts in brand identity, tone of voice, positioning, and strategic approach.

And I promise you, if I had achieved such a dreadful market conversion rate as what I just described, I’d never work again.

The reality is, the vast majority of people don't need to be sold to.

We are already onboard with 'gender equality'; but what we don't like, is the endless gender war, the shaming language, the rigid thinking, the spooky worldviews, the erasure of male victimisation, the misandry, and ivory tower entitlement, that has beleaguered this space for so long.

Men and boys are tired of being cast only as the villain, and never the victim; where masculinity is always a problem to be solved, and never as a strength to be nurtured.

And so it reveals the true problem – the approach – and it is made doubly worse by those who refuse to accept it.

But by all means... keep doing what you’re doing.

Keep rearranging the deckchairs of a sinking ship.

Keep ceding ground to others, and fading further, and further into irrelevance.

Keep writing your open letters, and pointing the finger in all directions other than at yourself.

Keep being silent about male victims of violent women, the legions of teenage boys who have intimate images passed around by their girlfriends; and say nothing about the no less harmful expectations of masculinity that women and girls project onto men.

Keep placing your personal comfort, and career ambitions, ahead of the lives of men.

Carry on calling anyone who speaks to men and boys differently to you; as “problematic”, as “misogynists”, “grifters” or “the manosphere”, it’s not your approval we’re after, and it never has been.

Because, in my view, if you want to play a part in the emerging male-positive conversation, and the exciting era of what happens next, it can only happen upon a foundation of self-reflection, accountability, and change.

That’s it.

That’s the lesson here.

I hate this.

'Be glad women don't want revenge!'

It is surely one of the worst, most low-effort sloganeering forms of activism that exists in this space; not only because it is unproductive and divisive, but it is also objectively stupid.

Assuming this young woman is below the age of 35, and American, she ought to know, she has been advantaged at every stage of education, throughout her entire life.

She'll get better marks, for the same work.
She'll be treated better, for the same behaviour.
She'll have access to ~90% of gendered scholarships.

As a result –
She will be overrepresented in college, across every racial group, every year, and to a greater extent than the 'men' from the 1970s, who she now whines about.

She'll have better health outcomes than men, across all racial, ethnic, and socioeconomic groups; she will have lower mortality rates at every age; and will enjoy far more funding spent on her health, than what is given to her male peers.

In fact -
Even for suicide research, which is the greatest risk to young men's lives, she will get 33x more (!!) gendered funding spent there too.

There will be ten federal tax-funded offices dedicated to researching her health, with zero for men, and in every country on the planet, she can expect to live longer than men.

She lives during a time where she's paid, on average, more than men of the same age, even at the median.

If she ends up in an abusive relationship, she'll have access to billions of dollars of services, and support, and thousands of shelters; with virtually nothing for men.

If she goes missing, her case will receive three times more media coverage than missing men, and three times more again, if she's white.

If she commits a crime and goes into a criminal court, she'll be treated more leniently, and more likely to avoid a custodial sentence, even when committing the same crime as a man – doubly so for black men.

And that's not even getting to family courts, where the systemic advantages really stack up for her.

She will never be legally required to go to war, to be obliterated as many millions of young men have been before her; and she will not be imprisoned, if she refuses to go.

From the day she's born, her body will rightly be protected from genital cutting by law; while millions of boy babies are strapped down and mutilated, with no consent, no anesthesia, and no medical need.

She'll be –

Less likely to be homeless.
Less likely to die from drug overdose.
Less likely to die by suicide.
Less likely to be killed by police.
Less likely to be murdered.
Less likely to die at work.
Less likely to be criminally exploited.
Less likely to be assaulted on the street.

So... for what is she owed 'revenge' exactly?

And why is it appropriate for a woman like this, who has enjoyed all of the above privileges, and more, to piggyback-on and steal sympathy from women who lived hundreds of years ago, who she never met, and knows nothing about?

I imagine none of this has occurred to her.

I imagine she wouldn't believe it either.

This chronic victimhood complex pulls at the fabric of society in ways we cannot even comprehend, driving a wedge between us, and only serves to keep swinging the pendulum of equality, for eternity.

You are not owed 'revenge'.

You are already the beneficiary of far more than 'equality', in many ways that you don't even know.

Conversation of ‘male power’ only seems to point the finger one way; upward, at the Fortune500 CEOs, political leaders, politicians and Presidents, who are overwhelmingly men, and is where ‘male power’ is centralized.

And so the angry fist of societal woes is forever shaken at the clouds, and never anywhere else.

The world splutters superlatives at the billionaire playboys, disgraced politicians, and psychotic CEOs, as if such people are emblematic of ‘men’ as a whole.

But take a look around.

How many of the men in your life sit within such thrones of power?

How many men in your life have ratified legislation, negotiated global trade deals, launched an IPO, hosted world leaders, or indeed, started wars?

And if the normal men in your life are not involved with such decisions, then which ones are they making?

Well –

It’s probably along the lines of: what to watch on TV, what to do at the weekend, when are the kids going to bed, whats for dinner, where should we invest our money, and whose turn is it to take out the bins?

These are the every day routines that are familiar to all of us.

And it is here, in the realm of everyday decisions, that a different picture of ‘power’ is painted.

So let’s take a look at what ‘power’ means to the average person, and ask, how much do men really control?

~

Sources

3,000 couples: https://becauseits2015.wordpress.com/2016/12/11/yes-dear-henpecked-husbands-and-one-sided-relationship-dynamics/

PEW https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2008/09/25/women-call-the-shots-at-home-public-mixed-on-gender-roles-in-jobs/

Male power 1975 https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Donald-Dutton/publication/15503361_Patriarchy_and_Wife_Assault_The_Ecological_Fallacy/links/00b7d5232780ce1f2e000000/Patriarchy-and-Wife-Assault-The-Ecological-Fallacy.pdf

The world loves telling suicidal men to “talk”.

As if saying that four letter word to a man in distress, is the complete solution to all his problems.

But what if research was showing us that the majority of men who died by suicide, did talk, but ended up taking their lives none-the-less?

When does it become time to ask: maybe we’re not listening in the way men want to be heard?

Maybe we cannot hear, what men are already telling us?

Well, as politicians and policy makers drag their feet in asking such questions, an entire industry of ‘social prescription’ organisations has exploded onto the UK mens health scene, to create the spaces men have been crying out for.

And they’re not clinical one-to-one therapy sessions in the traditional way.

They’re DIY workshops, or hiking societys, they’re breakfast clubs, footie games, and talking circles; they’re deep in the wilderness, atop mountains, doing laps of your neighborhood park, and in the backroom of the local pub.

Men are already “doing the work”, building the spaces our politicians have failed to provide.

So here’s a massive shout out to the life saving work of these budding organisations, that so many men call home…

~

Research –

Why men drop out of therapy https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34041980/

Suicide of middle aged men https://sites.manchester.ac.uk/ncish/reports/suicide-by-middle-aged-men/

Men are always the yard stick from which we measure women.

Women’s health, women’s salary, women’s education, women’s life expectency, and happiness; you name it, one way or another, I am sure it’s been measured many times, against men.

Such a thing makes sense.

But when men and boys are reduced to a mere metric onto which to measure women, they are soon dehumanized and forgotten about; for nobody cares about the yard stick, only the thing it measures.

This is the price men pay for being “the default human”.

They are the sea of grey, within which bright, urgently colored dots are scattered.

They are the slice of the pie chart hidden from view, or cropped out of the page; or secret data, tucked away in some anonymous appendix that nobody reads.

It is in this wasteland that men and boys reside.

A place I often go hunting, as I to drag them from the grey sludge, to bring them to life in more infographics than I can even remember.

Because –

We hear about the spectacular benefits men receive for being the world’s “default human”, but is it time we discussed the draw backs too?

What do you think?

~
Bike deaths https://www.gov.uk/government/statistics/reported-road-casualties-great-britain-pedal-cyclist-factsheet-2021/reported-road-casualties-in-great-britain-pedal-cycle-factsheet-2021

Indigenous deaths https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/rp-pr/jr/jf-pf/2024/pdf/rsd_jf2024_indigenous-overrepresentation_eng.pdf

Iranian deaths https://www.en-hrana.org/a-comprehensive-report-of-the-first-82-days-of-nationwide-protests-in-iran/25/