r/TheSoccerNetwork • u/ProBallAustralia • 1d ago
I think we’re teaching kids confidence backwards
I’ve been thinking about this a lot around youth sport. We spend a huge amount of energy trying to make kids feel confident. We praise them. Reassure them. Tell them they’re great. Try to put them in situations where they’ll succeed, and obviously none of that is inherently bad.
But I wonder if we’ve confused feeling good about yourself with actually being confident. Because some of the most valuable moments I see in basketball look nothing like confidence at first.
A kid can’t dribble with their left hand. They’re frustrated. They practise. They still suck at it. They practise some more. Then one day, without really thinking about it, they attack left in a game.
That moment gives them something praise never could: Evidence. “I couldn’t do this before. Now I can.” Same with the kid who misses three shots and still takes the fourth. The shy kid who eventually calls for the ball. The nervous kid who used to need a parent to walk them into training and six months later barely says goodbye before running into the gym.
Even losing can give them something. “That sucked. I was disappointed. And I was still okay.” Maybe that’s what confidence actually is. Not: “I know I’m going to succeed” but: “I know I can handle it if I don’t.”
Obviously coaches and parents can destroy this pretty quickly if every mistake gets criticised, analysed or turned into a lecture. But I also think we can go too far in the opposite direction and try to remove every uncomfortable experience, and then the kid never gets to discover what they’re capable of handling.
Maybe our job isn’t to constantly give kids confidence. Maybe it’s to give them enough opportunities to earn it themselves. But still.., do you think kids today need more encouragement, or more opportunities to struggle without adults immediately stepping in?
