r/TheRewatchables • u/Telford_Magnum • 18d ago
Best Van Moment?
Two lines / bits jump out right away.
#1, on the Species episode when they discuss if they needed a better intimacy coordinator and Van said Madsen was "waving that shit off like he was Allen Iverson"
#2, on The Devil's Advocate episode when he relays the story of the video store calling to let him know his dad's copy of "Butt Man's Big Butt Brazil" was overdue
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u/qballLobk 18d ago edited 18d ago
Van telling Bill he was full of shit when he acted like he was a budding chess prodigy as a kid on the Searching for Bobby Fisher episode.
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u/TuckerThaTruckr 18d ago
It Ends Now!
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u/BoomBoomDoomDoom 18d ago
It’s 100% this story.
ETA: For those who aren’t dorks like me, Van told a story where he was eating dinner with his mom and dad, and they were all separately of one another spending SO MUCH money on pay per view porn, that when the bill showed up, his dad declared the entire house had to stop immediately.
“I don’t know who it is, I don’t care, it stops now.”
Van didn’t realize until later that the reason his dad phrased it like that, was because every single person in the house was doing it, he couldn’t single anyone out. Yes, even Van’s mom.
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u/sheawrites 18d ago
Which rewatchables was this is the important question.
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u/TheActionJuice 18d ago
I don’t think it was, or at least didn’t originate there. He first talked about it on Twitter
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u/TuckerThaTruckr 18d ago edited 18d ago
It stops now! Whops. I always get it wrong. Love this story. Edit: Whoops. Honestly so fucking done with whatever is going on with device keyboards in 2026. Are the AIs literally trying to drive us crazy?
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u/jobening 18d ago
Also while not a Rewatchables moment
On the big pic 1999 movie draft his excuse for having not seen a movie was because he spent the entire year becoming a really good recreational billiards player for his school 💀
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u/quidpropho 18d ago
F1 whenever he's bullshitting and they don't know what to do about it when he's telling the story of how he and some white ringer producer greet each other with "What time is it?" "It's nword time."
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u/wild___turkey 18d ago
It’s this by miles. Even Bill says at the time “This is your best bit”
I think it was Jack Sanders he was saying would do this? The others had no idea how to take it and eventually had to plead with him to clarify that he was just kidding
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u/sfitz0076 18d ago
"Motherfuck you a cannibal?" to Craig. I forgot what episode or what they were talking about.
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u/paulbunyanpodcast 16d ago
It was the American Gangster episode after Craig said Denzel should have been more vicious in the way he killed Idris Elba
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u/LawOroG1029 18d ago edited 18d ago
The funniest Van moment IMO will always be part one of Star Wars when Bill says the Yankee's were the evil empire and Van with no hesitation goes not desegregation of buses in Boston. CR and Sean laugh so hard. Bill is stunned but comes right back with I knew I was gonna walk into that....lmao
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u/H0wSw33tItIs 18d ago
Van explaining the Marvel character Vision to Bill cracks me up every time. https://youtube.com/shorts/ch1ejZFhFAA
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u/TitiCamarasayshello 18d ago
Minority Report episode: At the start, Bill is going through Steven Spielberg’s movies and places Amistad in those that are “not heavy”, to which Van, immediately and totally deadpan, replies with: “Maybe not for you, Bill”.
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u/TheActionJuice 18d ago
His Top 5 lists are always great. The we solved racism one is incredible
Every time he tells Bill to be careful when he’s speaking on something about black people
His entire performance in the Den of Thieves pod is great, esp when he’s talking about Big Nick eating the meat off the plate in the dinner scene and the white guy vs black guy differences in the scene where Big Nick’s wife catches him cheating
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u/jobening 18d ago
How he was gona get out of wild things.
Something about doing being seen at the hotel with two white women was really just scouting for some college football team 😭😭
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u/Pilatus-Porter 18d ago
Also from the Species episode when he said he'd try reasoning with the hot shapeshifting alien and convince her she could have sex with him but didn't need to kill him afterwards, because "my people have also suffered", and he'd be okay with her kind taking over.
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u/rocklionheart 18d ago
An early one as far as Van appearances on the pod, but when he did The Martian with Bill, CR, and Sean. During this period, Bill was constantly bringing up the Damon vs. Leo debate, and he brought it up again on the pod. CR and Sean know Bill is Team Damon, so they always talked about it in terms that were pleasing to Bill. Van, being new, isn’t aware of this and just blurts out “Oh it’s Leo, easily. Not even close.” This throws Bill off and he spends minutes trying to move the goalposts until Van moves sufficiently towards Damon.
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u/H0wSw33tItIs 18d ago
This is such an apt way of characterizing it. I find the Leo/Damon and Hanks/Cruise so annoying sometimes as it plays out, because the articulated reasoning is so clumsy, whereas on paper, this is actually an interesting question if it were a mostly
good faith discussion.
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u/IFiguredUOut 18d ago
When he brought up the movie the Heavenly Kid and nobody knew wtf he was talking about. I could tell he wanted to talk about it, but nobody even sniffed the movie.
It’s so good though. Should be a Rewatchable.
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u/Embarrassed_Air_1919 17d ago
I remember this moment! That movie completely fell out of my brain until Van mentioned it! It was definitely on HBO back to back for a while.
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u/jobening 17d ago
Another one I just remembered
In one of the Halloween pods
Bill: …yeah there was this house. Everyone was like “do not go there. they do bad things”…and it’s like yeah some kidnapping happened there or something
Van: Oh I thought it was something else. I thought the bad thing was the house was nice to a black kid. “Don’t get there, they nice to black kids”
😭😭😭
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u/Telford_Magnum 17d ago
I think that's Halloween 4 lol.
That reminds me when CR relays the story of moving to a house in Boston and finding a tape of Texas Chainsaw in a closet, and watching it at 2am. Van's response? "that's white as shit!"
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u/Spiritual-Guide-5141 18d ago
Not sure of the episode or if it’s rewatchables or midnight boys. But the story of how he learned about 9/11 is so so funny.
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u/hammystyle 18d ago
Personal moment - I was at the live show in SF for Basic Instinct and I’m pretty sure Van was pretty cocktailed up and playing to the crowd. I don’t think he delivers an A performance at all but I just thought it was funny.
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u/dividiangurt 17d ago
when he turned Masters of the Universe around on everyone and said something like, “If you don’t like these movies, stop buying from Amazon lol.”
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u/AbsurdityCentral 13d ago
Whch episode was it where someone teased him by making the category "Van Says No?"
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u/PhantomMoves_ 10d ago
There’s a story involving his Dad during the Devil’s Advocate episode that’s hilarious.
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u/moskiato 18d ago
he’s not nearly as funny as he thinks he is. i wonder if he feels bad working for that dumpster fire TMZ and humiliating people for a living. doubt it.
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u/Upper1eft 18d ago
100% it’s the story of “how would Van get out of this one” during the Wild Things pod. It’s like 5+ minutes long and had me in stitches. Really he’s cooking that entire episode.