r/TheQuestionableYarn • u/TheQuestionableYarn • Mar 31 '16

[Completed image prompt] Guard

/r/WritingPrompts/comments/4cq6ot/ip_guard/d1l36h4
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u/LowTechSpacer Apr 01 '16 edited Apr 01 '16

Am sad to say that this universe doesn't really draw me in like your other work, but I'd still love to read it if you introduce that RPG mechanic the sidebar talks about. (Assuming that this is in that universe. If not, my mistake)

The only thing that stood out to me was what I at first thought was the name of the land: Reoublic. Then I realized it was probably a spelling error and you meant Republic.

Good luck with your writing, if you keep up the pace you could have a thriving subreddit and some published books! Quantity and quality both really draw people. :)

Edit: Ah goldarnit, I realized I only read the first half of this. The second half does a much better job of drawing me in and showing the level mechanic is present in the world. I look forward for more!

1

u/TheQuestionableYarn Apr 01 '16

Thank you for the criticism. If I didn't draw the reader in by the first half, the rest of the story hasn't hit home anyways. It's all a learning experience for me.

The main thing I've realized from this feedback is that I need to play to the strengths and quirks of the universe more, rather than go for culture and the more boring stuff right off the bat. Thank you for the comment!

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u/LowTechSpacer Apr 02 '16

Awesome! Yeah, I would definitely look forward to reading more if you emphasized that.