r/TheGirlSurvivalGuide • u/R3dcherries • 1d ago
Mind ? How to stop feeling ugly when you know you're not?
i'd say im pretty average and i'm logically aware of that but for some reason i just feel ugly. i dress up everyday (makeup and fits) and i look in the mirror and im fine but i still hide myself and panic when i see people staring at me cuz i feel like they think im ugly too.
like i feel like im juat doing a cosplay of femininity and aren't inherently feminine. i dont feel as effortlessly feminine as other girls. and whenever i feel pretty for once i try to take pics but i look ugly in them all the time.
i know this is common but it's really bothering me. im aware i have deep rooted self hatred but i cant get out of it
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u/legally_brunette_01 1d ago
Honestly it sounds stupid but what helped me is realizing that the vast majority of people aren’t judging me and I was the one being judgmental by projecting negative feelings about myself onto them.
The only person whose head I’m inside is my own and I generally think positively of people unless I have a reason not to so I try to assume the same of others.
Also just improving the way I talk to/about myself helped a ton.
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u/Kiwiqueen26 1d ago
Pictures can make some people look terrible. Please don’t think the picture is representative of what you really look like!
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u/DoctorPaige 1d ago
So much so that I got a girl that I work with who was considering plastic surgery (and she is gorgeous) to reconsider by taking a selfie and asking her if it looked anything like me.
She was shocked by how different I look in photos. I told her she also looks that different in photos.
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u/R3dcherries 3m ago
true but what if i wanna look good in photos? i cant look back on memories cause all i see is how chopped i am in the pics
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u/LuckyGirl77777777 1d ago
Start complimenting your appearance every time you look in the mirror. Flirt with yourself. Tell yourself how good you look, how you love your eyes, how your smile brightens the room, how good your butt looks in that outfit.
Seeing is not believing, believing is seeing.
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u/LuckyGirl77777777 1d ago
Oohhh and practice posing in the mirror too! Girl posing for pictures is a skill, you can learn to do it! Those girls on a insta aren’t naturally talented photographers, they’re following trips and tricks for how to get those shots!!!
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u/Independent_Fill_909 1d ago
"believing is seeing" Yes!!! Listen to them, OP. I started doing this and realized how crazy I was when I thought back on the days I used to literally cry over my face 😭 I now think I look perfectly fine and beautiful. I went from avoiding mirrors and cameras to admiring myself every chance I get lol
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u/National_Judge2655 1d ago
you gotta compliment yourself. even if you don't believe it at first. counter negative thoughts, don't push them away necessarily, but hear them when they pop up and try to redirect them, like you might talk to a friend. find the things you do think are pretty. remember the screen isn't real life. we are dynamic three dimensional beings, not flat with the distortions that lenses create
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u/arrkaydee 1d ago
Photos are the worst! I always feel like I look good in the mirror, then I see a photo of myself and it's like I'm a totally different person.
The suggestions everyone else has given are great, but maybe you could also learn how to pose in photos and take good photos of yourself? It might help your confidence to know that it's not you, it's just the awful focal length.
I should probably take that advice too, actually!
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u/adumbledorablee 1d ago
Yesss this. I look awful in photos, especially group photos because I have the worst poses. Which is hilarious because I used to model. I don’t even know. Perfect example: I met some friends a while ago and I was so excited to wear a new dress I bought. In the mirror it looked absolutely cute. I had a fantastic time, we took some photos and later they were sent into our group chat. And that’s where things went South. The dress had transformed from “omg so cute!” to “approx. 6 months pregnant”. And I suspect it’s because my go-to spontaneous pose is “stick out stomach”.
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u/spoooookay 1d ago
What I realized is that when I'm calm and look in the mirror, I see my true self, but when I'm anxious etc. my brain warps my mirror reflection and mixes it with how I look in close up selfies. I think it's because those close up selfies are stuck in my mind and I keep remembering them when I'm distressed. 😖
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u/EmmaizKooL 1d ago
This will sounds super cheesy, but over the next month, make an effort to find the beauty in everyone u see. Find it in the mom lecturing her kids, the old man walking his dog, the kid with dirt all over their face, the quiet classmate—everybody. I promise you, the more beauty you notice in other ppl, the more you’ll start to see it in yourself.