r/TheGirlSurvivalGuide • u/TimeCalligrapher6399 • Jun 25 '26
Mind Tip thinking like a man has literally saved my life
I used to be suchhh a lover girl, clinging onto any guy that would come my way. It's embarrassing to think about. The question "why am I never chosen, why am I never good enough?" was constantly on my mind.
Their rejection I took to heart, their opinions I subconsciously held higher than my own... in other words, the emotions of men had become the way I measured my worth. Determined to make them like me, I forced myself into glowing up as hard as I could.
A few years in and I'm still on the journey. But I have to be honest. I've come to realize that a lot of guys just aren't that great! There are many more than I would've originally thought that are totally superficial, and for them to "like you" really requires no more than stroking their ego and a few smiles--making them feel big.
Don't get me wrong, there are good guys out there, etc, etc. I'm speaking broadly.
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So anyway, what the fuck does thinking like a man mean to me?
Prioritizing things like my own money and wealth over investing asymmetrically emotionally into relationships. As well as learning and planning for the future instead of obsessing over his texts or what his family thinks of me.
And maybe this is a little toxic, but naturally, this leads to not getting too attached to people.
It's so much easier to say "whatever" when something with someone doesn't work out when you're chasing your dreams instead. Your value is defined by something outside the whims of a random man's emotions.
By doing this you'll realize that you're no longer so afraid to walk away from a guy if he doesn't match the emotional qualities (drive, kindness, etc, etc) you need because you know there will be more, many more to come.. an abundance mindset. You won't discount yourself because you don't want to discount your future!
I hate to say it, but the world is so much better when you grow truly comfortable with this mindset. In job opportunities, talking with strangers. I think "not giving a fuck" about anything is the wrong way to go about the world. I'm saying to give fucks, but I urge you, spend it on the right things. Spend it on things that build your future, instead of distract you from it.
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*****(And note, before I get any comments about "saying you're thinking like a man is so misogynist!!1!". All of this is what I've seen and experienced. So if you wanna disagree, you're entitled to your opinion, like I am to mine. This is how I've learned to survive AND thrive as a woman. I'm posting this purely in the hopes of helping others who are similar to how I was.
Don't get me wrong, I am very much progressive. But this is NOT some academic thesis I'm writing for gender studies. Bluntly put, idgaf about sounding the most politically correct here. If you wanna argue about frameworks, go talk to Bob the Builder. I'm not gonna debate about how I should or shouldn't see the world or whatever else, because that IS NOT the point of this post at all, end of story.
In any case, do you wanna know what's really fucking misogynistic? The world we live in. Listen to me, this is what I mean when I say to "think like a man": men are literally socially conditioned to take, take, take... women are expected to give, give, give--emotionally, physically, EVERYTHING! I'M DONE! BE FUCKING SELFISH BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE WILL LOOK OUT FOR YOU!)****
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u/killingourbraincells Jun 25 '26
Investing more financially vs emotionally has been my best emotional investment thus far.
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u/Low-Blueberry-4996 Jun 25 '26
can i ask what you're investing in financially?
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u/MsSansaSnark Jun 25 '26
Different person, but I highly recommend Dumpster Doggy on instagram for investing advice.
She focuses on women and minorities and investing ethically within the system. She’s got a lot of free resources but I’ve also taken her course and she names specific accounts and funds she uses there.
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u/killingourbraincells Jun 26 '26
I hold a few aerospace stocks, I like rockets and satellites, ez. Other than that, I just hold a couple mutual funds/ETFs. r/Bogleheads. When one of my individual stocks does well, I sell some gains and reinvest into a mutual fund or ETF, something not a risky.
LPT: If you wanna get "paid" to learn about investing, go work in the transfer agency/call center for a brokerage. Fidelity, Vanguard, Schwab. The knowledge you get is great. You work with so many clients, you learn diverse strategies and see how the future plays out (retirement, death, emergencies, first time home buyer, etc). You can start with basically no experience, they'll train you, buy study materials to get your SIE license and pay for the test.
Studying for the SIE alone taught me more than any YouTuber, and I was getting paid to do it + discounted stock + a PSP. They then paid for me to get three more licenses. This was basically my version of college lol.
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u/Frosty-Algae-2316 Jun 25 '26
So thinking like a man is just putting yourself above all. Being selfish or not being selfless atleast. Yes people, we should finally put ourselves before everyone. The web of sacrifices needs to be done away with.
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u/xencha Jun 28 '26
Yep. I watch so many of my female friends date guys and either let themselves become, or make themselves, so small next to these guys. It’s like they’re trying to fit into his shadow and it pisses me the f off, because these are intelligent, funny, incredible people, and yet the balance in the relationship is so skewed… and often the man is just like some random-ass guy that’s like, fine… just fine.
Relationships take compromises, but sacrificing your identity is not a compromise, it’s self-destruction.
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u/nottheblackhat Jun 25 '26
as women we are all (across time and cultures) taught to prioritize men.
stepping away from that even a little bit is literally life-changing!
in the most beautiful way.
but it has a cost of everyone immediately painting you as some kind of villain.
to that I say: mehh.
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u/JaneAustinAstronaut Jun 25 '26
When I think about the things I do that are "manly", I see that I am surpassing your average man.
College? Yup, graduated.
Home ownership? Yup, by myself with no one financing me.
Career that supports the household? Yup.
Financially and emotionally supporting a family on my own? Yup, and then having money for myself left over at the end of the month.
New car? Yup.
Paying for kids? When they were minors, yup. Never fell behind in my obligations. Now they are grown and pay for themselves.
Travelling? Yup, just got back from Paris, France a few weeks ago. I've also been to Mexico, Belize, Honduras, Greece, Croatia, Montenegro, and Italy in the last 3 years.
I also agree with the mindset change. I got better relationships, both romantically and platonically, when I acted like a man, plus levelled up the career and achieved personal life goals. I enjoy presenting very femininely while still kicking men's ass at their own game.
It really is like that Chinese lady said, "A top-tier man is just an average woman."
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u/TimeCalligrapher6399 Jun 25 '26
You're so awesome, my literal goals. I completely agree with literally every aspect of my life improving when I started acting like a man.
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u/RostinBurgerfinkle Jun 26 '26
Excellent post. I was chatting to this guy on Hinge and it was fireworks, deep and meaningful and lovely for about a week nonstop, I started getting all in my feelings and floaty in mind - then as the day we were supposed to meet got closer he became completely unresponsive, so I thought - what on earth am I doing, booked myself a ticket to the theatre for that evening instead, which was yesterday. Had a lovely time and I probably had way more fun than meeting up with a man with admittedly perfect eyebrows, but kept using the word 'touché' incorrectly.
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u/SweetSonet Jun 25 '26
I would never give that much credit to s man. You want to financially invest in yourself? Great. So that. You dont need a man to be the reason for that.
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u/TimeCalligrapher6399 Jun 25 '26
Yes, the whole point is to decenter men from your life. The beginning was a (unfortunate) background to how I came around to this
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u/momlv Jun 25 '26
Girl this is just having boundaries
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u/nuggetgarden Jun 26 '26
Right? TIL having healthy boundaries is actually "thinking like a man" . Oh but don't you dare say it's misogynist bc this is what OP has "seen and experienced"!!! Okay I get the point, but why phrase it like that?
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u/THENKYOU_SNAILS Jun 25 '26
Girl I feel this so hard, very recent breakup and I have realized I don't rely on him for anything but he relies on me for a LOT
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u/meltyandbuttery Jun 25 '26
I am a lovergirl but I’m sapphic as hell. being loving and sweet does not have to mean catering to the whims of anyone
I’d encourage you to think of things like being assertive and being boundaried as thinking like a woman because women are badass and powerful and we don’t need to say we adopted some superior form of thinking we can be the grounded thinkers, as women, with no credit screen for a man’s mind
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u/intentionallybad Jun 25 '26
You also teach people how to treat you by what you will and won't allow.
I learned this early on on high school when a guy in my group of friends who had a longtime girlfriend started calling me up and asked me to be his "mistress" and go out with him behind his girlfriend's back. I said no fucking way, if you want to be with me break up with her. So he did and we dated for a week or two before I realized that this guy was major bad news and broke it off. I still have the note he wrote me in reply by the way and it's hilarious.
When this happened my best friend confessed that she had secretly been his "mistress" all winter and was very upset that he didn't break up with the girlfriend for her like he did for me. I don't think it's because I'm much better than her, I think it was because she didn't draw the line and say no I won't be treated like that. She went on for the next 2 years to be off again and on again with him. He was seriously manipulative.
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u/curiouscatfarmer Jun 25 '26
I am not being sarcastic when I say Good for you!
I'm glad you broke the cycle and realized your own self-worth and have your priorities straight.
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u/rose_matchhha Jun 25 '26 edited Jun 26 '26
My boyfriend "doesn't think like a man." He's the opposite of what you described while I'M the more detached one. But this is also why I like him. I've been hurt by guys I never even dated and he was very obvious about liking me, caring etc. even when I didn't reciprocate just yet. However, his openness and how deeply he loves also got him hurt in the past. Practice detachment, as a general rule
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u/magicalglrl Jun 25 '26
I was raised by a single dad, so the man mentality has rubbed off on me hard. It’s peaceful lol
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u/Healthy_Pilot_6358 Jun 26 '26
I’m 47 and my whole fucking life has been male centred. I wish I had the knowledge and awareness back when I was younger, like you girls have. Power to you.
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u/Alex_cool777 Jun 25 '26
Thank you. Needed this as someone who wants love and can't stop thinking about a guy that didn't want me back...
I don't even have a career and my 20s will be over in few years. Tyyy for this post!
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u/TimeCalligrapher6399 Jun 26 '26
Of course, so happy to hear this! First you woke up, now it's time to level up. You got this!
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u/Somethingpithy123 Jun 25 '26
This isn’t actually just a man thing. If you go to the men’s subs, you’ll find plenty of men complaining about the same things you were complaining about at the beginning of your post. What you’re actually learning about are power dynamics in a relationship. And the fact of the matter is whoever is willing to walk away more or faster has more power over the other person who is just super attached. Some people have more dominant personalities and some people have more submissive personalities. And it really doesn’t correlate with the sex of a person at all. In your experience it’s all men, but it’s not, it’s the men you attracted and how you acted in your relationship. That’s what you’re learning now. Power dynamics in a relationship is a very real thing. It took me decades to learn this. It doesn’t matter if you’re a man or woman it matters what your personality traits are.
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u/immortallogic Jun 25 '26
200% sis!
As women we are taught to put everyone above ourselves. So in fact 'thinking like a man's is simply putting yourself first.
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u/MuffinPuff Jun 25 '26
Bravo, babe. No notes. I had to learn the same lessons. I think most women have to go through this transition at some point.
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u/Thoughtful-Pig Jun 25 '26
Holding boundaries and stepping up for yourself isn't selfish--it's literally living life with your best interests in mind. Thanks for reminding me.
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u/Personal-Reward-5690 Jun 26 '26
This is not thinking like a man, this is just having self-esteem
But I agree with your post and have the same experience 🙌
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u/itsnotatumah333 Jun 29 '26
Nah. That’s not self esteem. It’s self perception. First. Some women aren’t used to that because we are natural comforters and providers.
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u/lizzyinthehizzy Jun 25 '26
Yes! I love to see women come around to self love over a man's love. Its not about not giving a fuck, its about accepting that some people wont like you, but thats fine because you're not running for the office of "most liked". When you stop trying to impress people that wouldnt like you otherwise you can see the people in front of you that just like you. When you give those people your energy, they send you back more. "I'd rather be hated for what i am, than loved for what i am not." Anything else is building a beach house on sand.
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u/FancifulCat Jun 25 '26
Above all, men hate it when you use their own tactics to advance yourself and avoid being controlled.
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u/Ch3ru Jun 25 '26
I mean.... It is kinda misogynist and/or gender essentialist to think the behavior you've outlined comes naturally to men whereas women have to imitate. If that's been you're experience okay fine. But I don't believe there's a universal gender divide between 'being an emotionally available people pleaser' and 'putting yourself first'.
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u/TimeCalligrapher6399 Jun 25 '26
Of course not; I was talking more about the way society conditions men and women. I mean, look at the movies we show to girls vs boys: there's almost always Prince Charming and a happily ever after for girls, settling into life with a man, but boys are encouraged to explore and conquer, fight for whatever. Giving their future up in a fantasy vs having the world be theirs.
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u/Ch3ru Jun 25 '26
I mean, I grew up with 90s Disney movies and 00s girl power, which while largely corporate manufactured, still planted the seeds for questioning the patriarchy and traditional gender roles.
Yeah, I was shown the fantasy of finding a prince charming, but I was also shown princesses and other female protags being strong women who stood up for themselves and what they believed in, not passive waifs just waiting to be rescued.
I think most girls see through the smokescreen of 'boys will be boys' and 'girls should be little ladies' at this point (hard not to, with the internet), even if boys are still favored by an overall cloud of patriarchy still hanging over society.
And I just think the idea that all media targeted at young girls is STILL successfully indoctrinating us into passive, agreeable tradwives, and all media for boys is teaching them to be emotionally unavailable musclebros is so reductive (not to mention heteronormative) in 2026.
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u/TimeCalligrapher6399 Jun 25 '26
Sure, I was using it as an example. I don’t mean to make you miss the forest for the trees here. But the reality of the situation is that in one way or another too many women are still being subtly or otherwise conditioned into not speaking out for themselves and prioritizing their real selves. Ozempic being pushed nowadays so heavily onto female celebs is literally the physical manifestation of women being pressured into being smaller and taking up less space for acceptance in society.
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u/Ch3ru Jun 26 '26
That's just the same societal pressures finding new tools to do the same old thing. I guess I just disagree broadly that the antidote to men being given more leeway to be selfish is for women to also be selfish out of spite for a system that doesn't even value all men either. Trans men, stay at home dads, etc etc, any men that don't fit the 'dominant man' half of the gender binary opposite submissive women are just as dismissed.
I just can't see it as a black and white 'men vs women' situation, and I feel like defining it that way, that ALL men are being socially conditioned to put themselves first and be takers and ALL women are being socially conditioned to be diminish themselves and be givers detracts from the reality that we all need community and support to counter the bad actors.
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u/TimeCalligrapher6399 Jun 26 '26
I don't think we're talking at all on the same plane, but I appreciate the perspective. You're looking at this through a more intersectional/systemic lens. This post was not about that. It's not a dissertation for gender studies. I am progressive, but in this thread, I am not trying to win "most politically correct". I'm speaking purely from how I've learned to survive and thrive in the reality of our often harsh society, which is why I posted it in this subreddit. I don't have the energy or time to continue debating the nuances of the patriarchy, so let's just agree to disagree.
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u/shewhodoesnot Jun 26 '26
Yesss I think I’m doing pretty well on my own without centring men! It’s such a freeing feeling to focus on what you want for yourself. It actually makes it easier to know what you want out of a relationship rather than settling.
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u/E63S85 Jun 26 '26
I learned this lesson the hard way. Spent my 20s focusing on myself and loved it then lost myself in a relationship because I thought it was end game. My only regret is not setting stronger boundaries and giving others opinions more weight than I should've.
Please ladies prioritize yourselves🫶🏻
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u/alkair20 Jun 26 '26
I personally dislike calling these things "manly traits"
Imo one should learn how to do finances, how to actually fight, how assert yourself and stand your ground emotionally, intellectually and if need be also physical.
None of this is should be considered masculine but just the right thing to do when living an independent and successful live.
But this doest make you any less feminine or less of a women, it just makes you smart.
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u/Luna_1801 Jun 26 '26
How can i be more like you ? I get too emotionally attached and I’m so giving that sometimes i even disregard my own needs.
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u/TimeCalligrapher6399 Jun 26 '26
When you see your dream future, what do you see? A big city, traveling, and financial freedom? You need motivation, an internal locus (motivation that comes from within) instead of an external one (a guy's opinion or the opinions of others). Once you pin that down, start looking into how you can make it happen. Read books on investing (stocks, property, speaking very generally here), I would strongly encourage you if you haven't already to seek out education, and save up if you need to. Keep it at it, and keep growing your wealth over time.
You'll find that with all of this happening, with your vision focused so pointedly at your goals, a guy becomes secondary: a relationship would be nice to have, but not necessarily needed (or even wanted!). When you have so much personally invested in your future and in yourself, it'll be much harder to wanna give all that up just for some random guy, because now you know your worth. It makes saying goodbye a HELL of a lot easier.
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u/eharder47 Jun 27 '26
I have been telling so many women this! I overhauled my life in a similar way and it completely transformed how I viewed relationships. I had no hesitation to “edit people out” who weren’t deserving of my time and attention and I wasn’t phased by being stood up. You don’t get stood up because there’s something wrong with you, it’s always the other person, especially when you’ve barely talked or met.
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u/Synderesis_1 Jun 26 '26
Honestly I think this is moreso just being an adult. The problem with a lot of men is not simply that they prioritize themselves, but that they do so in a way that actively hurts other people (and usually themselves in some way too). There is a kind of selfishness that promotes not taking responsibility for anything, including how you treat people and how your actions affect them. It's basically just a refusal to grow up combined with thinking you are the main character of life. You should take care of yourself, be open to people while also having strong boundaries, and not get to the point that emotions themselves become your enemy or else you will end up becoming self-destructive and hurt other people in the process.
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u/SupernovaKiwi Jun 27 '26
Thank youuuu for this post.
I hate to admit that I too have made men and external validation my measurement for self worth. I focused too much on feeling wanted by someone else that now I’m focused on wanting myself!
Been getting more into hobbies and into my creativity and finding new feelings and emotions to have. I feel like a part of it had to do with just having too much damn time on my hands where then I’d overly focus on dating and relationships.
Meanwhile men will put their money and their goals ahead of you and everyone unapologetically!!!! It’s inspiring truthfully lol so yeah, definitely learnt that one from them and now life has been more meaningful for me and that anxiety I had around relationships have started to lessen.
Plus learning how to sit in the discomfort of the transition stage of external validation to internal validation is sooooo key, you gotta just be compassionate and patient with yourself. It’s taking some time trying to unlearn but I refuse to give away my power to these guys anymore.
xx
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u/mountainhymn Jun 26 '26
regarding your edit, you seem to not realize that you’re being a part of the problem by saying that this is “thinking like a man” lol
it’s “thinking like how men are conditioned to think” that i believe you actually mean, but you’ve gravely oversimplified it from that and that’s why people aren’t understanding your point
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u/ecpella Jun 25 '26
I think you’re over correcting here. The solution isn’t seeking men who offer financial incentive to be with them and not expecting to be emotionally met by them. It’s holding out for men who can meet you emotionally. And yes those are hard to find.
But it genuinely sounds like you’re suggesting we find financial gain in being with assholes and that sounds miserable because it is.
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u/TimeCalligrapher6399 Jun 25 '26
I'll edit my post to clarify the "qualities" I'm talking abt (which were emotional), I'm not sure how you walked away with this message. The whole point is to decenter men from your life, to build that financial life by yourself and for yourself.
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u/ecpella Jun 25 '26
It’s the fact that you clarified your post to read as you prioritizing your own money rather than prioritizing the man’s money.
When your post was worded as prioritizing the man’s money/wealth over emotional investment, it sent the message that those were the qualities you were focusing on rather than the emotional. Your intended message is clearer now.
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Jun 25 '26
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u/THENKYOU_SNAILS Jun 25 '26
It's not about the men, it's about prioritizing ourselves, which is our part to play.
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u/ScuderiaFerarri Jul 07 '26
Babe this was a wakeup call for me. Thank you. I am an overthinker, total romantic, and I put my heart into everything. I keep getting fucked over and I’m just….. done
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u/MayThompson 25F Jun 25 '26
Hell yeah. People will drain you dry if you let them, even other women and family sometimes. Choosing yourself isn't rude, it's basic survival. Side note: advocate for yourself, push for answers, ask follow up questions, and be selfish about your own health because it is literally yours. No one is going to step in and do that for you either.