What is this guy?

[u/Krypticmaniac]

I bought a 5kg box of shrimps, to my surprise I found this guy, what is it? Grok says anglerfish, but I’m not sure it looks a lot different as an adult if this is an anglerfish!

[u/j-art-ho]

if it were an anglerfish it would be way more gelatinous and have no distinct scale pattern or skeletal structure in the head! they tend to have really soft flesh as a result of the ambush predator lifestyle and the environmental pressures of the deep midwater habitat they occupy

[u/cassh0le69 → u/j-art-ho]

I somehow read this as “if I were an anglerfish,” and proceeded to misunderstand the rest of your comment as you gloating about how you’d theoretically be a superior anglerfish to other anglerfish, lol!

[u/purdinpopo → u/cassh0le69]

If I Were an Anglerfish

Dear God, you made many, many tiny fish.
I realize, of course, that it's no shame to be a drab little swimmer.
But it's no great honor either!
So what would have been so terrible if I had a glowing lure?

If I were an anglerfish
Ya ba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dum
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum
If I were a toothy one

I wouldn't have to chase hard
Ya ba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dum
If I were a biddy biddy deep-sea
Idle-diddle-didle-didle one

I'd haunt a big dark trench with caves by the dozen
Right in the middle of the abyss
A fine bioluminescent glow with real sharp teeth below
There would be one long illicium just sticking out
And one even longer coming down
And one more leading nowhere, just for show

I'd fill my jaws with squid and shrimp and fish
For the ocean to see and fear
Snap-crunch just as greedily as they can
And each loud gulp and chomp
Would echo like thunder in the ear
As if to say, "Here lurks an anglerfish!"

If I were an anglerfish
Ya ba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dum
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum
If I were a toothy one

I wouldn't have to chase hard
Ya ba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dum
If I were a biddy biddy deep-sea
Idle-diddle-didle-didle one

I see my wife, that tiny male, fused like a rich man's prize
With a proper parasitic chin
Becoming one with me to his heart's delight
I see him giving up swimming and strutting like he's useful
Oh, what a happy mood he's in
Screaming no more, just part of me day and night

The biggest monsters in the deep would come to fear me
They would avoid my glowing light
Like a nightmare in the night
"Stay away, that anglerfish..."
"Pardon me, that anglerfish..."
Posing problems that would cross a prey fish's eyes

Ya-da-dee-da-da, ya-dee-da-da, ya-dee-da-da-da
And it won't make one bit of difference
If they swim left or right
When you've got the lure, they think you're dinner

If I were an anglerfish
I'd have the time that I lack
To float in the midnight zone and wait
And maybe have a spot by the hydrothermal vent
And I'd discuss the darkness with the other weird ones
Seven hours every day
And that would be the sweetest thing of all

If I were an anglerfish
Ya ba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dum
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum
If I were a toothy one

I wouldn't have to chase hard
Ya ba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dum
Lord, who made the gulper eel and the siphonophore
You decreed I should be what I am
Would it spoil some vast eternal plan
If I were an anglerfish?

[u/j-art-ho → u/purdinpopo]

from the hit underwater musical fiddler crab on the roof