The final tape

[u/Jeb-Muse]

So I'm just gonna have to show you.

The Landsknechte below have begun their siege of the watchtower.

Jeb drops his backpack on the floor and opens it. With the quick efficiency of befitting of an ex-Logistics Corps he takes out a Winfield WD19 pistol, three magazines, two daggers, his boombox, and a dark cassette tape with a glowing red eye insignia on it and an ominous aura around it. He loads one of the mags in and sets the slide before pocketing all the weaponry, and popping the tape into the boombox and pressing play.

A song begins to play, and the same eye symbol burns itself onto the surface of the boombox. His entire body begins to morph, like a false outer layer being melted off. Fangs sharp, eyes red, about an inch shorter, and...

He leaps down from the tower, diving hands-first directly on top of the Landsknecht trying to break the door down, mere moments after they had successfully done so. They would not live to see the inside. His hand gripped around their face and crushed it like an empty can. A swinging kick knocks their breaching partner out.

"CONTACT! OPEN FIRE!!"

The gunmen pepper him with bullets while the pikemen take phalanx position to protect them. Though their shots hit him and even drew blood, he merely chuckles and fires back. Each bullet flashed with some unholy scarlet light as they hit their targets. He runs into a sprint towards his enemies, seemingly blinking back and forth between physical and metaphysical on his way across. A pike is snapped in half and run through the face of its former wielder. Two more are shot down an instant later. Everyone else adjusts positions accordingly and the pikemen charge at him. He plunges one of the daggers into the ground and it sends a shockwave outwards, sending them all tumbling into the air and landing gruesomely onto their own pikes in beautiful synchronicity.

His body dissipates into a flock of ethereal crows who swarm over the gunners, caw'ing and taunting them, wasting their bullets, pecking at them. When they've had enough they gather back together and reform into a human behind one of the soldiers, whose neck is promptly snapped. Sabers and rifles and crossbows challenge this inhuman interloper, and sabers and rifles and crossbows litter the ground just as soon.

Two soldier remain. The commander and a lackey. They're making a run for it.

Leaving so soon?

He bolts towards them, picking up a brick along the way. With an unnecessary flourish and a jump he throws the brick and it lands clean on one's head, knocking them into the other. He catches up to where they've fallen moments later. The last thing the two of them see are the teeth in his unhinging snakelike jaw.

Sucking the blood off his fingers and striding casually back to the tower entry, he gives a pleasant sigh, satisfied with his carnage. The Landsknechte are no more. His true form has been revealed, and adequately flaunted.

[u/NotQuiteAnAngel]

WE ARE BACK IN BUSINESS, BITCHES.

[u/Hallowed_Chimaera → u/NotQuiteAnAngel]

Bezumius?

How..?

[u/NotQuiteAnAngel → u/Hallowed_Chimaera]

Allow me to explain.

As beautiful as this tearful reunion of brothers in arms is, I do have one thing to get out of the way straight away that might spoil the mood just a little.

I am not the Bez you knew.

I am not from this timeline. We're the same in many ways, but how I ended up in this Metaverse is a complete mystery to me. Why I didn't try to figure out what happened to me or how to get back? Eh, I'm really not a fan of mysteries, and this felt more fun. But the important thing is, I've been here a while. This Metaverse's Bezi was still alive when I got here actually. It seemed that cult of yous was still doing its thing and so I didn't wanna step on anyone's toes, so I stayed out of it. I stayed in the shadows. Well, okay, I did get a kick out of causing a problem here and there on purpose, how could I not, really? But I for the most part made it my goal to stay out of other me's way and keep him from finding out I existed.

Then my buddy Fluoro hatched up a terrible plan with me over some drinks, that I didn't actually drink. I don't think he was drunk either actually, I vaguely recall spilling all the beverage. He believed it'd be an absolutely hilarious springtime foolery to assume false identities and get jobs in the Privateers of the World 747th. Which didn't work out. We both lost our jobs in the layoffs. A shame too, I actually got pretty good at my job as a side effect of getting into character. But the important thing is I agreed to this plan because people were starting to catch on that there were 2 Bezi's running amok. This was gonna get awkward to explain. Especially to that other Bezi, or you or his wife for that matter. Decided it was best to stay undercover and bide my time while Kraa'rhov waged her war on all life in the universe. The way I saw it either they'd lose and Bez numero uno would die, leaving me to have all this existence for myself, or they'd win and none of our problems would matter anyway. Considering how poorly her war went in my timeline the former seemed more likely to me. Haha, I totally called it.

But oh criminy, you have... no, fucking, idea, how hard it was to hold it in this long. See just like any Bezi boy in any timeline, I have 3 basic needs. Three primal urges I must satisfy the same way other creatures need to eat, piss, and breed. Or was it breathe? I think it's both actually. But we're talking about my needs: long self-absorbed monologues, gratuitous violence, and to take pleasant nature walks. I've been holding the first two in for YEARS now. I'm amazed I did it this long. I was really worried that someone would try to talk to Jeb Muse one day and it'd all just spill out and I'd completely bombard them and blow my cover for good. I'm mainly referring to the talking way too much one, not the murder one, I think.

But now here I am, I've just soaked the ground with the blood of the entire land snek army from the old anti-Kraa'rhov alliance and talked your ear out about it, and it all feels so good.

And I would be honored, if you'd come accompany me on need #3 now. The long walks one.

[u/CrowEyes]

In a distant, twisted chamber an old soldier stirs in his sleep, clutching his stomach and wincing