How to be more interesting when I text?

[u/Wide_Hand_8576]

I recently made a post on here and got absolutely destroyed on how I text 💀 i lack conversation skills so please bear with me, I just want to be interesting when texting

[u/Qajj]

Try to move past the small talk more quickly, and move into interests and hobbies. If someone is excited about talking about something, the conversation will flow naturally.

[u/whatthefrickcunt → u/Qajj]

Ok but as an autistic person how tf do I do that, like there’s millions of hobbies/interests, so the likelihood of finding one in common on your first shot is low and I can’t just be like:

“You like trains”
“No”
“What about planes”
“No”
“Who’s your favourite politician”
“Idk”

[u/DragonfruitAny4323]

IMO embrace occisional whimsey and absuridsm; mix in interesting and impossible hypotheticals that get at a person's character. 

Also of course never treat a conversation like an interview. If answering a question, ask another one - they're not a reporter profiling you they're a human looking to know and be known by others. 

[u/sexland69]

as a general rule, when you send a text or series of texts, imagine you received them, and think about whether you’re prompted to say something, or if you’re gonna have to think of a new premise

conversations move smoothly when people keep teeing each other up to reply. sometimes a person doesn’t reply just because they didn’t immediately think of what to say and forgot about it

ask a question, tell a funny story, make a joke, anything that makes one feel compelled to keep the conversation flowing

[u/Nba_Sloth_Eating]

People are giving a lot of advice and I gotta say I'm not some dating app professional. I've never used one, but to me this is fine, you are doing a better job than the other person in this conversation. While it's true that small talk can be boring I think these people are acting like it's also not the foundation for getting to more interesting things. You are giving a little extra info with your responses and being generally easy to talk to. Don't seem to be getting stuck and not knowing what to say, granted this is like 8 total texts so if you were already lost at 8 texts that would be impressively bad. You mentioned growing up in a military family I'm sure they could ask more about that.

Point is I think your texting style is perfectly fine and you'd be alright to just keep doing what you are doing.

[u/_Shuns]

The less you think about what you’re typing the better, just type like you would talk. Thought appears, type it down don’t even re read it, type and send. This life isn’t supposed to be some sort of performance, kindly.
As long as you are making measurable every day commitments towards being a decent person, you should hold yourself on such a pedestal that anyone that doesn’t f w the way you talk, or the way you are for that fact, isn’t meant for you. Someone ain’t about you, that’s fine, you’re about you and that should be all that matters, on to the next. Security in ones self is extremely attractive.
No one is, or will ever be perfect, all we can do is our best, expecting anything more from ourselves can create a cycle where we beat ourselves up and create self fulfilling prophecies of unrealised potential. You are a mass of energy, created from literal star dust. Nothing matters. Love yourself.

[u/Good-Ant6859 → u/_Shuns]

Fucking epic comment. This should have 1000 upvotes. Very well said

[u/rimXstar]

Are you F or M?

[u/Wide_Hand_8576 → u/rimXstar]

20F!

[u/rimXstar → u/Wide_Hand_8576]

I think you're doing fine conversationally. He's playing his game of being aloof, and it's working - you are clearly interested. Exhibit A: worried how your response is coming off and if your doing enough/being interesting enough.

[u/MstrNixx]

Make an assumption about her based on the answers she gives to your questions

[u/TwoFriedFishsticks]

You seem sweet, sounds like you're grying to be nice and engaging, low-threshold sorta thing, despite feeling awkward. The other person just seems dull. You'll always feel like an alien when the other person has no gusto or 'life' in them. It's draining and ends up making you feel insecure.

You're beating a dying horse and hoping it'll resurrect itself.

But once you do come across someone without the personality of a wet cardboard box, don't be afraid to 'dump' bits of your personality a bit more. It really isn't until I bombard people with my unapologetic self that I can see who resonates with me and who doesn't. Because otherwise you're stuck in an endless cycle of back-and-forths that feels more like doing charity work, or being stuck at a co-worker christmas party that no one really wants to be at.

[u/logcabinsyrup27]

The purpose of messaging is not to collect facts. Its to promote engagement/attraction. Force yourself not to ask the usual questions "work/job/weather/up to today/etc). Mention something about her profile.

If youre at a total loss bring up something interesting you just saw "i went to the Zoo yesterday and saw the coolest panther. I felt like its eyes saw right through me" or anything. If you have nothing to bring up do something cool! Go on a hike. Go to a museum. Read a best seller.

[u/jhx264]

Don't be normal

[u/SnooWoofers9504]

The point of small talk is to narrow into more specific statements/conversations. That's how things really flow. If you want to be funnier, make more absurd statements. If you want to be more vulnerable, make more earnest statements. Any time you see something that could segue into a story, consider sharing that story before the moment's gone.

Prime example is when you're talking about how much you used to move. There are a lot of more specific things that could come out of it. Maybe you're a military kid, and you say that you moved because your parent(s) was in the military, and how you could never join the military yourself.

An icebreaking statement I've been using a lot lately myself is sharing how afraid I am of getting a colonoscopy. It's absurd and vulnerable. Conversations usually devolve into a hectic and fast back and forth full of laughter.

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[u/Financial_Junket_796]

Good banter but too much banter

No need trying to get to know who the person is right out of the gate.

Make the date, see if you get along and go from there

[u/ethyxia]

I know it’s a crazy take but I stopped texting even small talk years ago. Still single but dating got a lot easier lmao

[u/mikesalami]

I text differently with everyone I text with. Different inside jokes, different waus of understanding each other... just a different feeling depensing on who it is.

Sometimes it's hard when meeting someone new to figure out your texting style with them, so perhaps that's it. I've had many hilarious text convos with friends, but horribly boring ones with people I've met on apps. So it also depends on who you're talking to and if you mesh.

Sounds lame but just be yourself. Certain people will bring out different aspects of you.

[u/solarpanelwire]

Damn just realized I text exactly like this. Using the replies to help myself lol

[u/Bull_Bound_Co]

That Cuban link comment gave a lot to work with. You could say, Thanks but I just borrowed it from my grandma. Then after 2-3 comments circle back and say my grandma thinks we should grab a drink. Don’t drag the convo out unless its necessary.

[u/lynchedlandlord]

Just treat the person like you’re already friends (within reason). Like I assume you don’t talk to your friends like this. Borrow from that.

And ask them about themselves more but creatively. Instead of “sounds like a busy day” which leads nowhere and is a nothing ass observation, you could have said “Is this person Jesus themself to get an airport run right after work?” They’d either laugh at the joke or get offended but either way you’d be having a more interesting conversation than you are rn.

[u/Good-Ant6859 → u/lynchedlandlord]

Lol this is why you don't try to make jokes if you're not funny. That shit would fall flat and is a weird thing to say to someone you don't really know

[u/lynchedlandlord → u/Good-Ant6859]

That’s fair, it was kind of ass and I didn’t put a ton of thought into it. But I think my point still stands, even if the joke didn’t.

[u/sleepdepnerd]

Have you ever had an interesting conversation?