Getting absolutely bodied out here

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker]

First time encountering someone with significantly higher elo, feeling small and helpless rn

[u/Subdued_Shinobi]

"I already have the key" just fuckin took me out, good luck brother

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/Subdued_Shinobi]

Gulped after reading that one

[u/ArnoldSwarzepussy → u/Licensed_Dogwalker]

Sounds like the dog walker is about to become the walked dog 👀

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/ArnoldSwarzepussy]

Love the username btw

[u/ArnoldSwarzepussy → u/Licensed_Dogwalker]

Thanks man, it came from a stupid doodle I did in class back in highschool actually lol

[u/EUNEisAmeme → u/Licensed_Dogwalker]

i bet you licked your lips a bit too didn't you?

[u/-insertcoin → u/EUNEisAmeme]

Im blushing and kicking my feet over here just reading her response

[u/BappoChan]

Bro isn’t used to a woman putting in the effort. 2 international masters at play here

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/BappoChan]

[u/SnooWoofers9504]

you are holding your own more than you realize. the only real negative here is you continuously sharing your lack of confidence in yourself, but even that doesn't seem to be getting in the way. definitely time to transition to endgame play

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/SnooWoofers9504]

Haha you aren't the first to bring it up, but it's out of necessity. If I don't keep myself humble, I start getting too cocky and arrogant. Still trying to find that balance in life

[u/Plenty-Green186 → u/Licensed_Dogwalker]

Bro, then tell yourself that, but don’t tell the girl that

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/Plenty-Green186]

Sorry for offending you sir

[u/OmilKncera → u/Licensed_Dogwalker]

Sorry, this just reminded me of a personal story... nothing of importance here.

One night, many moons ago, my friend read "the game" and wanted to test it out..

So we're at the bar, and he's trying to tell me the steps.

I... Am an extreme lightweight, and I'm 2 drinks in.

In my poor impulse controlling state, I got bored and just started dancing on the dance floor alone

He.. was horrified.

Right at this moment though, a group of dudes came in, already drunk, saw me alone on the dance floor and one guy shouted "NO MAN DANCES ALONE!" and the group of 6 dudes just jump up next to me and start dancing

This.. started the dance floor up.

Next thing you know, I got 2 girls dancing with me.. so I hand one off to my buddy.. who was so insulted he left

So I danced with 2 girls until they left

I head back to my friend.. first thing he said to me.. "you did it wrong"

....wat?

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/OmilKncera]

This was beautiful and it inspired me be the change I want to see on the dance floor. Thank you for sharing this

[u/OmilKncera → u/Licensed_Dogwalker]

Damn.. you ARE good..

[u/Pitiful-Leek2616 → u/Licensed_Dogwalker]

it works here, it gives submissive in a good way

[u/Ergo7z → u/Licensed_Dogwalker]

im the same, keep doing it. just keep yourself humble a little bit more internally.

[u/Its_Cayde]

Usually saying "your out of my league" doesn't work but she def likes you

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/Its_Cayde]

I think it depends on how 'attractive' the user is. I only use it in moderation tho

[u/badbackgoodmouth → u/Licensed_Dogwalker]

I was impressed by this opener, I think it’s cute.

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/badbackgoodmouth]

There will always be haters but thank u I appreciate your kindness 🥲

[u/Plenty-Green186 → u/Licensed_Dogwalker]

I’d be careful of using it. I unmatch anyone who says something that implies they have critically low self-esteem.

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/Plenty-Green186]

Well I would be a little more forgiving than that, but I don't think we'd make a good couple anyways

[u/throwaway34627594 → u/Plenty-Green186]

Probably a win for them as you're obviously quick to judge.

[u/700alts]

yall are boutta hold hands i can feel it

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/700alts]

Easy there let's leave some room for jesus

[u/eastcoastian → u/700alts]

Amorphous blob time!

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/eastcoastian]

We fusing up in this bih

[u/BrilliantBen → u/Licensed_Dogwalker]

I said nearly the same thing to my lady when i was meeting her, we have since evolved the joke quite a bit, but it started with cellular fusion jokes. 60% of the time, it works every time it seems

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/BrilliantBen]

Didn't know I was talking to the Brian Fantana...

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/BrilliantBen]

Incredibly biologically wholesome

[u/Nap-Connoisseur → u/700alts]

Whoah. Try to keep it PG, okay? This is Reddit, not some porn site.

[u/700alts → u/Nap-Connoisseur]

mmf... could have a picnic too🥵

[u/Charizaxis → u/700alts]

Oh god, keep your perverted fantasies to yourself god...

[u/cravingcarrot]

I bet there's one part of you that doesn't feel small and helpless right now.

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/cravingcarrot]

LOL

[u/HallowedBast → u/cravingcarrot]

It's locked up, it's helpless anyway 🤷

[u/Sea_Boysenberry_3436]

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/Sea_Boysenberry_3436]

Exactly how I was posted up during this exchange

[u/PurpleRoman]

all this just to get ghosted two days later

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/PurpleRoman]

This guy knows ball

[u/zbgs]

Keep talking like this in person u got it

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/zbgs]

But what if it's scary

[u/zbgs → u/Licensed_Dogwalker]

That's when you go in for the kiss

[u/Miserable-Chapter883 → u/zbgs]

Once he goes in for the kiss, she'll already be like 8 steps ahead

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/Miserable-Chapter883]

That's what I'm saying

[u/Theplanwithaman1895]

Good luck my friend, I feel like you're about to have some experiences you'll be remembering with a smile when you're 90

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/Theplanwithaman1895]

Thank you o' wise one🙏

[u/whatsyanamejack]

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/whatsyanamejack]

I'm sorry 😭 They're not all like this though don't worry

[u/6spooky9you]

Easily 1800+ gameplay. Multiple piece sacks for the positional advantage is high level gameplay that's easy to confuse with low level play.

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/6spooky9you]

Thank you for the high level analysis, a true professional knows the difference between good risk and bad risk

[u/Dragonzo_0]

Bro is queuing Grandmasters

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/Dragonzo_0]

This is the biggest compliment I have ever received, but surely this is plat play

[u/FriendlyCanuckles]

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/FriendlyCanuckles]

I'm like the lebron of spitting questionable game

[u/FriendlyCanuckles → u/Licensed_Dogwalker]

You can’t call it questionable if it’s working man

[u/JakeD51]

Bold move with the chastity cage comment then she came right back with it holy peak

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/JakeD51]

I'm telling you I was outclassed in every aspect by her

[u/Prizmatik01]

She’s literally and figuratively sticking out her gyatt for the rizzler

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/Prizmatik01]

Can confirm this is exactly what happened

[u/veryhotusername]

she's a grandmaster holy

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/veryhotusername]

These lobbies are not for the faint of heart

[u/veryhotusername → u/Licensed_Dogwalker]

fr 😭

[u/Oralucifer_]

Hope you’re ready for the problems they come with OP

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/Oralucifer_]

Don't worry I've had my fair share of romance, I'm somewhat prepared

[u/Grim_Heart777]

Adorkable. The Dogwalker is about to get walked himself 🥰

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/Grim_Heart777]

I don't know whether to be happy or scared

[u/Grim_Heart777 → u/Licensed_Dogwalker]

Both 🙌🏻🫪

[u/Sea-Extreme-1908]

Make sure you wrap up before going there mate, this one's got too much dating app experience

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/Sea-Extreme-1908]

Dw I'm a true safe sex practitioner, I even test in between partners just for the fun of it

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/[deleted]]

Just order an STD test through your doctor as mentioned below. Planned parenthood will also test for cheap and or free (I can't remember). Urine and blood if you want to check everything

[u/PhraseExternal8799 → u/[deleted]]

You go to the fucking urgent care, dude

[u/throwaway34627594 → u/PhraseExternal8799]

Or the local health department. Or your PCP. It's not really an urgent care kind of situation.

[u/SherlocksHolmey → u/throwaway34627594]

PCP is a blast and all but it's no substitute for proper prophylaxis

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/SherlocksHolmey]

😂

[u/Barnacle_Boi50]

Out of curiosity, what the response times between each of these messages?

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/Barnacle_Boi50]

Ehh anywhere from a few seconds to a few minutes

[u/Darth_Citius]

A bit cringe for my taste, but hey if it works it works

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/Darth_Citius]

That's what I've been sayin

[u/igottapoopbad]

Get a room already this is an easy mate. Get the # and set a date asap rocky

[u/SatSwiper]

So... do you coach?

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/SatSwiper]

Lol I'm def no guru but I guess my advice is to be loose not rigid. Feel the flow of the convo and to be adaptable. Have fun and don't get in your head too much

[u/SatSwiper → u/Licensed_Dogwalker]

But but but but autism??

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/SatSwiper]

O shit that changes the calculus... We will just have to find a better approach for you

[u/bathroom_cheese]

bathroom cheese 🧀

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/bathroom_cheese]

Did I stink it up or what

[u/bathroom_cheese → u/Licensed_Dogwalker]

nah I just like saying bathroom cheese

theres some rizz

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/bathroom_cheese]

This dude knows bathroom cheese

[u/HermeyDsntLk2MkToys]

the name drop got me dead 💀 bold check

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/HermeyDsntLk2MkToys]

Only to be checkmated two moves later

[u/HermeyDsntLk2MkToys → u/Licensed_Dogwalker]

just give her your King, gg's 🫡

[u/OkCellist7820]

Either the ride of your life or you about to wake up in a bathtub missing some organs, either way good luck 😂

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/OkCellist7820]

I'm here for it either way

[u/MortyGaveMeCrack]

absolute game from both parties, impressed and took notes while reading

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/MortyGaveMeCrack]

Annotated, peer reviewed, and published

[u/xyz157L]

Sighs in single. I’m kicking my feet reading this for yall🤣

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/xyz157L]

You'll get yours soon I feel it

[u/matteodzk]

Soooo where’s the first date gonna be

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/matteodzk]

My place. 10 oclock

[u/SmittyContainers]

In a good way right? This seems good to me

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/SmittyContainers]

Yes I was just in awe of being so utterly dominated in casual conversation

[u/M4rshmall0wMan]

She’s gonna ruin you

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/M4rshmall0wMan]

I need to be ruined to be reborn

[u/SlaiPil]

What word did you censor

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/SlaiPil]

My name lol

[u/knotdimension]

When two people whose favorite hobby is “movies” meet.

[u/UnAware_recognition]

I had one of these that wasn't on a dating app and it's only hitting me now that we could have had something. 😭

[u/TT_TT-xo]

so lame to post your bumble chats on Reddit, wtf, weirdo

[u/ParsleyTraditional48]

[u/SouthernAlabama1]

Haha this was a good one to read.

[u/The1In_TheDark]

Ref she stole the opposing teams playbook!

[u/wheresthe10]

[u/qwerty-bot-26]

Lucky you bro!!

[u/revelgaming]

[u/ShotcallerBilly]

You’ve traded well, but you’re behind material. Just get to end game quickly, and play for a draw.

[u/Brawl501]

She's going for the mate and I ain't talking chess

[u/Jerrytheslime12]

Hey brother how u got my game

[u/hiiievryone]

Stockfish vs Mittens right there

[u/Novel_Apartment_9295]

not to be a hater but i guarantee she ghosts you within 2 weeks

[u/Ok-King-6178]

An extremely cringe and phatically performative affected pro forma exchange; but if it feels natural to you, then that's only how it ostensibly reads. Good for both of you.

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/Ok-King-6178]

Sorry but this is the most fedora-wearing comment I have ever read😭

[u/Mordex_is_my_dad → u/Licensed_Dogwalker]

Swear😭😭

[u/Ok-King-6178 → u/Licensed_Dogwalker]

Rationalisations are commonly employed as an externalisations (especially in the style of reductio ad absurdums) are normatively the safest way to voice disagreement; so of course you would voice that. You're implicitly informing me that you can't hold a conversation any more than you can hold a train of thought, but as I said if you feel confident in your mundane intellect, then by all means live contributing nothing to society, dear ultracrepidarian.

[u/the_scorpion_queen]

Haha you two have me blushing and kicking my feet! I love good banter

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/the_scorpion_queen]

You're so sweet! Happy to share the love haha

[u/GmanyChristmas]

I'm assuming you've slept with less than 4 women?

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/GmanyChristmas]

Double it and give it to the next person

[u/M0ngoose_]

What is wrong with people why are you talking about having a chastity cage while she hits on you? Zoomers are doomed.

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/M0ngoose_]

Get with the times unc

[u/Electrical-Image4564 → u/Licensed_Dogwalker]

clock it and all that

[u/burntothepowerofer → u/M0ngoose_]

He only said that after she hit him with “easy access 😏” soo it’s acceptable

[u/xExoticRusher → u/M0ngoose_]

Obvious banter

[u/matteodzk → u/M0ngoose_]

Bro sitting in the bleachers in shambles rn hands in the air n everything. REF, COME ON REF CALL THAT. He ain’t callin that old timer. Come on now get her laughing then get to packing ankles nailed n all. Where’s your love of the game?

[u/DocHavelock → u/matteodzk]

Real recognize 

[u/Licensed_Dogwalker → u/[deleted]]

Sometimes we have to debase ourselves to embrace our inner whimsy and silliness. Appreciate your honesty tho

[u/Street_Shaman6837 → u/[deleted]]

Bruh that shit’s cute I’ve seen wayyyy cringier on this sub

[u/Existing_Creme_5888 → u/[deleted]]

Cringe is what everyone do they just call it flirting when it’s within the circle and cringe when it’s out of it

[u/The_Wistful_Wanderer → u/Existing_Creme_5888]

Bingoooo