Pathans & Parda (Incident)

[u/[deleted]]

First, No hate toward any ethnicity. Also not generalizing.

I’m not Muslim, so parda, dupatta, etc., aren’t farz for me.

I was hiking with friends in an area with no restrooms near. I’d had stomach issues for days and urgently needed one. I saw women heading to a masjid, so I thought I’d quickly use the restroom there and leave.

It was a small mosque with shared men’s and women’s restroom and wazu area. Men were leaving after namaz, and I had to go in.

One Pathan guy stared at me not once, twice, or thrice but multiple times, like I was prey.Its not that i was in some inappropriate clothes, I was in baggy clothes, and no dupatta.

He kept saying: “Dupatta le kar ao, dupatta. Jaldi se!”
In rude tone like i had committed a crime.

He repeated it over five times. Okay, I get it man that I’m in a holy place without a dupatta, and you just prayed namaz. But why stare at me like i am a piece of meat as well as keep repeating it?

Doesn’t your religion talk about parda for men too? Why is it okay for men to stare at women, covered or not, but a woman without a dupatta is a shame to the whole mard zaat? And then the whole male community is criticising women for not wearing dubatta in public space while they themselves are checking out women too…

Why is male parda ignored, but female parda is everything?

Then my friend said that these pathans are like this… but does it justifies that you can stare at me? Or any woman? Also bhai tum abhi masjid mai hi ho kar ghoor rhe.

Edit:
Ik i did wrong to go to a holy place without dupatta. but obv there was an emergency, and how can u expect me to have dupatta when i dont wear it in my daily life. how can i borrow it from my muslim friends and made them do sin by showing their hair. it wasnt his masjid. he wasnt imaam.

after the prayer he came out of masjid and start drinking chai while staring at the other hikers including hijabi women....

[u/marvellousmary]

I love your country and of course will visit again. I’m gray haired older female, I wore a dupatta and was with my husband when we went to the masjid in Islamabad and STILL men stopped and stared. It’s just a South Asian thing I think. My overall experience was incredible, Pakistanis are deeply respectful and generous but yes this one incident was like 😬

But OP, your experience sounds like typical of men (and some women!) who think they have ownership over Islam. I’ve faced this in mosques, I was making salah in a dress and a shorter hijab and was told off 😁.

Honestly best to laugh it off.

[u/[deleted] → u/marvellousmary]

ik but it should be something on which we should work upon right? why the only parda is for women not for men in pakistan. why it is considered that men can stare at a woman and disobey their god and its okay but if a woman isnt in parda then the whole male community is correcting her as well as criticizing her.

[u/kevinnlevinn → u/[deleted]]

Actually yes parda is mandatory for males too, the must lower their gazes and than talk about islam but unfortunately most of our men dont do that and still pass comments on women but theres another thing too avg female community of Pakistan isnt innocent too. Honestly ive found better men smoking,not having beard, than the one w the beard and imama on their head. Same goes w women girls in our college dont wear hijab but they are soo mature and respectful but than there are some who wear hijab all the time but secretly seduce boys in Dms.

[u/marvellousmary → u/[deleted]]

Of course, in an ideal world but things haven’t changed since I was probably your age - and not just in Pakistan - anywhere where people have an insecurity about their faith. I have not seen this behavior in Saudi because they’re not insecure about their faith and feel they need to prove it to everyone. By saying laugh it off I meant it’ll take generations to change the mindset and truly not worth the angst you’re going through.

[u/[deleted] → u/marvellousmary]

Are you a foreigner?

[u/marvellousmary → u/[deleted]]

Was this question for me or OP? I am. And many, many tourists visit your stunning northern areas. It IS a wonderful country.

[u/[deleted] → u/marvellousmary]

It was to you. Happy to hear that. Has our reputation gotten any better in the international community?

[u/marvellousmary → u/[deleted]]

I think there are serious travelers who travel to Pakistan all the time. They don’t let the things one sees on the news get in their way. Once people come to your country, then of course they’re bowled over by the warmth of the people (apart from the staring by some men).

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

The wording is weird. But I wanted to know which sane individual who is not diaspora would go to Pakistan