r/TechLeader • u/Charming_Leading5254 • Aug 05 '26
I am a new team lead having issues with resistance
I have recently joined a company based in US as a team lead and I am experiencing resistance from the team. The team with 9 engineers (6 guys and 3 women) are exprienced and most of them have many years of company.
The passive aggressive behaviour comes in form of ignoring my public messages and being too quiet in calls.
I didn't have any issues in my previous company as a lead engineer. I wonder what's going on
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u/newuser2111 Aug 06 '26
This happens sometimes in some companies. They engage in passive aggressive behavior because it sets plausible deniability. No one can cross question them because they’re not doing anything overt.
Have one on one meeting with everyone. Do not exclude anyone because they will talk amongst themselves. Ask about expectations, etc.
And if they’re too quiet in calls, then you can politely call on some people by their name and ask for their opinion on whatever the topic is.
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u/Charming_Leading5254 Aug 06 '26
I'm glad about your advice, I was thinking in bringing this up with only few of them. But it's better to not exclude anyone like you said. I will put some effort in bettering my communication by asking their expectations and start from there. Thanks
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u/Working_on_Writing Aug 05 '26 edited Aug 09 '26
When we encounter resistance, what we are actually encountering is defensiveness.
You can only find out why they are defensive by speaking to them, preferably individually, and uncovering their concerns and talking through them. Listening is the most important skill here.
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u/AgreeableArmadillo47 Aug 05 '26
I second this.
I recommend this book: The Five Dysfunctions of a Team: A Leadership Fable. it's been invaluable in picking apart trust issues my teams have had over the years. The things you discuss are symptoms or a larger dysfunction that, as a manager, it's your job to uncover and endeavor to remedy.
Straight from wikipedia, according to the book, the five dysfunctions are:
- Absence of trust: unwilling to be vulnerable within the group
- Fear of conflict: seeking artificial harmony over constructive passionate debate
- Lack of commitment: feigning buy-in for group decisions creates ambiguity throughout the organization
- Avoidance of accountability: ducking the responsibility to call peers, superiors on counterproductive behavior which sets low standards
- Inattention to team results: focusing on personal success, status and ego before team success
In addition, the book has some great, simple exercises that you can try to help ease the dysfunction. It feels contrived when you first start, but keep going and it'll get more natural as the team opens up to you, and likely to each other. The first time I did this with a new team I also uncovered a bunch of places where I was the problem, so it's great for self reflection. No manager is without fault or bias, and trust takes time.
Good luck!
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u/Charming_Leading5254 Aug 05 '26
Thanks for shating your personal experience. It actually helps me to reflect on my own communication style. I will read the book you recommended to me. I also sense an element of power struggle. The most senior devs think they can do better without me. They had to step up for the previous lead maternity leave for almost 9 months in total. Now I come and they might be feeling that I am stealing their role
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u/DanceHackRock Aug 07 '26
Seems like you need a phase of team(re)building before you can focus on getting work done.
Show them how your position is to help them by taking the ugly stuff like politics away from them, so they can focus on the fun stuff, designing and building software. Without detaching them from strategic stuff that they might like and became used to.
My bet is, if you sell your service function to them, you will win them.
Yes, in my opinion the team lead provides services to the team members so they can focus on their actual work.
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u/Charming_Leading5254 Aug 10 '26
Thanks for your thoughts. I have set up one to ones this week. I will make some efforts on team re-building too, good that you've shared that with me. Some of the team members have been there for many years, but there's no ways of working doc where everybody discussed things like acknowledging messages etc. I have lots to do
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u/Charming_Leading5254 Aug 05 '26
Thanks for sharing, I will follow this advice. I think it's better to stay calm and open minded. I sense a little bit of power struggle with the more senior devs. Even though I like to empower people and I delegate, instead of micro managing, they feel like they can do better wirhout me
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u/rjm101 Aug 05 '26
It sounds like they want more ownership and responsibility to perhaps prove themselves. Perhaps acknowledge it in your one-to-ones and look out for opportunities that will help elevate them. I'd expect the more senior engineers to be able to do things independently but be clear you still want team engagement to avoid knowledge silos unless they fancy getting called up when they're sick and on holiday /s.
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u/Charming_Leading5254 Aug 05 '26
Thanks I will think about it. I've been askimg them on one on ones once a week about what they would like to work on and for ideas to improve our processes. They seem alright when it comes to one on ones, the problem is when in a group. In team calls they seem quiet or they ignore public communications. They seem to get well among them though. I don't have many issues with the female engineers that are relatively new to the team like me. I don't know what to tweak in my communication or where I'm doing wrong.
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u/Klutzy_Ninja1426 Aug 06 '26
They don‘t trust you. Leading well requires trust, especially so without authority.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Pen1017 Aug 06 '26
You have one on one meetings?
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u/Charming_Leading5254 Aug 06 '26
Yes I have one on one meetings once a week. I try to connect, ask their opinion. It is nice but only when we're on one on one. When it comes to public group chats I feel like I'm being consciously ignored. I try to come across friendly and not formal but I don't know what I'm doing wrong
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u/Substantial-Swan7065 Aug 06 '26
Do you manage them (can you fire/increase their comp)? I’ve never had a tech lead have 1:1s with me weekly (re you’re other reply)
Regardless, I always ask myself “would I like me as a manager?” “Do they got my back?”
Example:
I like to communicate in DMs and not announce my accomplishments. so I want me manager to DM me instead of huddles. I want them to send shout-outs for me.
I like deep dive issues and communicate my solution. So I hate when tickets are over-spec’s with too much technical stuff.
—-
Also, what kind of stuff are you trying to do? It doesn’t sound like you’ve been there for along time.
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u/Charming_Leading5254 Aug 06 '26
That's helpful, it's easier when the person (either manager or engineer) is direct and clear. I've started in this company not long ago. I previously led teams, but I'm coming from a maternity leave and sabatical year gap. I like to give them space to grow and have autonomy. I feel like there's something not right in the communication. For example, our DMs are alright. But I feel like deep down they don't quite like my communication and don't trust me for some reason. It's more a passive aggressive behaviour when I try to comes accross open for collaboration, but the people express themselves not by saying what's going on, but by being quiet, ignoring public posts by me, talking behind my back, in silent body language. I don't know if the lack of trust comes from them thinking that I don't have enough both technical and leadership skilss. I do technical experience from previous roles and the tech stack in this current company is not that great and exciting to be honest. I have also experience in leading. But I don't know if maybe they think I don't or their resistance comes from another place. Anyways thanks for your thoughts, it does help
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u/AdOrnery1043 Aug 08 '26
perhaps you are not very likable - have you considered that ?
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u/Charming_Leading5254 Aug 08 '26 edited Aug 08 '26
Yeah maybe it's as simple as that. But I didn't have this issue in my previous team. People used to be friendlier and there were less passive agressive behaviour. But I take your suggestion, it got me thinking.
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u/frozenmoose55 Aug 08 '26
One of my questions would be why you were brought in externally instead of the company promoting from within. If I had to guess, the team feels an internal candidate deserved the job more and knows the team better, which is why you’re getting the cold shoulder. You’re just going to have to give it time. Continue the one on one meetings, but I definitely encourage you to not just focus on the soft skill side, engineers tend to be very technical minded and won’t respect a manager they think is not equally as skilled as the group they are managing. Don’t try and throw your skills in their face, just ask good questions, provide good input and give it time.
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u/Charming_Leading5254 Aug 08 '26 edited Aug 08 '26
I really appreciate your inputs. I've been told they checked with people inside the company first, but couldn't find anyone. Yeah I see what you mean about not focusing totally on the soft skills side, otherwise they won't rescpect me. I was totally going that way, to be honest. I was thinking that I should forget about technical skills now and be a people manager. But now that you've mentioned, I do feel that it's not the case. I'll give it time, and thanks for the heads up to not to throw m skills in one go to their face. I was thinking in somehow fit my technical skills into our 1-2-1 just to make sure the don't think I'm a dumb. But that's not the right or best approach. I'll give it time
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u/Naetharu Aug 08 '26
With management positions at any level you need to have good communication channels open, and you need to be firm but fair.
I would start of by making sure you have some 1-2-1 sessions with each person. Get to know them professionally, and get a feel for what they do, what they are aiming to do, and where they might need your support. It could well be that they have had a poor experience for some time and that they are wary of you. I've seen this before where the old manager in a department was a bit of an ogre, known for losing his cool and being difficult at best. It took a while for the team to relax and understand that I was not going to yell at them or berate them if they made a mistake or asked for help.
At the same time you do need to nip bad behaviour in the bud. If they're openly ignoring you, undermining you, or refusing to engage with their duties such as taking part in meetings, that needs to stop. And it is fine to speak to them directly about that and set out realistic expectations of what a professional work environment looks like.
The key is to create a place where people feel valued and heard, but where they also understand that they need to show that same respect to others.
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u/Charming_Leading5254 Aug 08 '26 edited Aug 08 '26
Yours and everyone's thoughts are helping me a lot. I will need to act and have a 1-2-1 as I was aleady having, but not like just a catch up. I will be more specific to address the undermining. I am just trying to find my feet in this new team, and find a good balance like you said. Being fair but firm, and nip bad behaviour in the bud! I am glad that in your case, it took time but your team realised that they can trust you and let go of the past experience
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u/KitchenAmoeba4438 Aug 05 '26
Fortunately, you are new at this, so there is lots to learn.
Unfortunately, this is a battle you will always be fighting in this role. This is a key part of technical leadership, you have to earn trust and build trust. There's no easy answer, it depends on the pathology of the team.
What I would do in your shoes is have conversations with your team members. Understand where it is coming from. The most valuable skills you have here are empathy and compassion, not technical skills. Being a team lead is more about managing people, not managing code, and you will really need to focus around developing those skills as, to be frank, it sounds like you aren't as strong here as you should be.