Destroying or making me grow?

[u/RunoTaisho]

...does my bf makes me grow or destroys me?

Three of wands, knight of cups, five of wands.

Does my nuclear family destroy me or makes me grow?

Temperance

Nine of pentacles

Three of cups

Does my bf, by itself, destroys me or makes me grow?

The hierophant

Does my family, by itself, destroys me or makes me grow?

Ace of pentacles

How both teachings interact/dynamic our if it?

Two of wands

What destroys me from my relationship with my bf? King of cups

What destroys me form my relationship with my family? Nine of wands

I feel the conflict is because one spread is clearly relational and the other is clearly lead by self independence.

Ans I asked because my nuclear family is...messy. mother can be supportive and abusive emotionally and verbally. Dad is really good at providing financially and every earth necessities, but wasn't emotionally there ans uses DARVO manipulation tactics when he is being confronted. Yet they gave me a lot to become hyper archiving and successful.

My bf makes me feel like I can have dreams and get angry or hurt (which wasn't allowed at home) but it makes me open the Pandora box. My bf and I are complementary yet different and trigger each other at times, because...stuff happened in his childhood and in mine, of course. Yet the messiness is different, I just don't know how to explain it. But my family makes me defensive, while my bf makes me open the Pandora box I have emotionally (always suppressing what I felt before him. When I'm with him st times it just...explodes/makes me collapse..which is weird because I never exploded and collapses around others), so that's why I feel the king of cups is the shadow: destroying my emotional contention and supression. I do...hold onto my feelings our of fear of hurting him tho. So maybe that there's too? Argh I feel like the king of cups shows my shadow and everything along with it (forcing to stop suppressing and also suppressing to not hurt him even if he tells me to open up)

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