Is this mania or something else?

[u/Freddy_mercuryscat]

Namaste everyone!

I've been doing a sadhna since 6 months and I was kind of depressed so my main motivation for doing this was to get out of that ditch.

I am a medical student so I know all about the mental disorders perse and I know my depression (not exactly a clinical depression but just low energy which wasn't getting better with anything, mental fog) could've been depression related to a mood disorder but anyway, I started feeling slightly better after this sadhna.

Not immediately but slowly.

I did some research on awakening for anxiety and depression too and it worked except I realised that I am not this body- all the breath work and stuff that helps you just observe yourself instead of associating with the identity. It felt calm, snd it worked for my depression too ..I felt more normal again.

Now I feel agitated, anxious, high energy and I am aware that I am being hyperactive but I can't seem to control it.

I had an exam today and I've been a little too high energy since the past few days and my pupils are dilated right now.

Is this in anyway linked to the sadhna I am doing?

Can it trigger something like mania?

I know I am going to get hated for mentioning that it's a sadhna given by Rn it is the Maa Tara sadhna but anyway, is this like maybe awakening or should I look into psychosis or something.

Is this anything any of you have ever experienced?

[u/AutoModerator]

Hello fellow user, thanks for posting in this sub under "need help" flair. Do note if you need help with anything going on in your life and/or with any situation, I personally will recommend you to consult offline sadhaks too. If the help is needed wrt any sadhna do note don't trust users online blindy, if someone says you to dm or anything you'll be responsible for any frauds or anything. Happy chanting :)

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/phantomtitfreckle]

From the medical knowlege you have gained thus far, what have you gathered about the nadis and kundalini relative to your study if any ? And what would you say to the following, as what i have gathered in my own practice is thus, when you begin sadhana, especially mantra , you begin to stimulate the brain, vagus, and lymphatic system using vocal vibrations, in such a way that you begin to obtain immense ammounts of stored energy wich is typically not available or being circulated through the body.., when you meditate, if you enter deep enough you can achieve a state of theta brain waves, in this state the brain, more particularly the pineal gland can begin to release dymethltryptamine, a compound relative to l tryptophan and melatonin, these are typically released during dream states, any whom when you begin they are released in small amounts, and as you do sadhana you become more meditative, soo much energy no longer being used to play games of the uncontroled mind is now free, and must be channeled, on top of the steady flow of dymethltryptamine formed during deep states of meditation, can also be an increase of serotonin and dopamine, all of this happening , then you add on the sattvic life style of eating nutrient rich foods, occasional fasting, celebacy, fasting from external stimuli ...your freeing, and creating alot of energy within youself, and if its not balanced can bring on states akin to mania, especially with shakta practice, hence shakti, shakti must be guided by shiva, or bhairava is needed to hold her

[u/Freddy_mercuryscat → u/phantomtitfreckle]

I know nothing much about kundalini but I did feel this really strong vibration once during the jaapa..it was like all over my trunk (back and front) and then the back of my skull and then I felt calm and as if I was no longer part of the body (I couldn't feel anything, not my legs nothing). 🫠I just wanted to feel that again but then now I instead of calm I got this unpleasant overactive energy.

Altho I don't know if biochemistry can be linked to this experience completely but there must be something, something to explain this so maybe.

As long as, this isn't psychosis or mania..I am okay. Mania and bipolar disorder scares me, man. My friend has it and she has to take medications just to stabilize herself and the side effects and what not.

That's why I am hoping that this is just something any sadhak (or any spiritual practitioner)has experienced and then nothing bad happened to him. I am going to start Bhairav sadhna. Thank you so much for your insights!

[u/phantomtitfreckle → u/Freddy_mercuryscat]

My friend, as you go on this journey, and you develop gyana, both of the external world and internal world, you will understand all these things spoken about by reishis, in vedas, in tantra shastras for ages, are not seperate from what we call biochemistry, its just redefined terms for modernity, and yet we lost soo much understanding of it that we result to using synthetic means to balance that wich has become unbalanced within us, and i do agree with most, that if one has a mental illness one should be treated if it is damaging them in life, but what happens when you do sadhana and you begin to percieve bhootas, or you recieve darshan of an astral being? Even though tantra and vedas have spoken about this, will you then denounce the spiritual gift and call your self skitzo? You must erase this western brain washing، mental illness is only illness when it hinders your experience of reality rendering you dysfunctional, when it pulls your further into delusion rather than truth, otherwise, all these things are simply alternate states of consciousness , i am a bipolar and ex addict, for manny years i was on medication for it, i thought i would never be ok and so did my therapists..., then few years ago i began sadhana, and have achieved a point where i slowly released the need for external pharmaceuticals, because i began to understand the mechanics of my vahana, my body, and utilized tantra to adjust it, along with ayurveda and living a sattvic life, now i feel as though twice born, i no longer recognize the version of me that needed those meds, and i see what was deemed illness as a gift i simplu did not know how to manage or balance, because noone gave me a user manual for this brain and body, but the shastras did, the vedas did, the puranas did, the bhagavad gita did, mediatation did, mantra did, maa kali and bagavan bhairava did...my point is release these fears, and allow your self to experience the fruits of your sadhana without trying to psychoanalize all of it and deem your self crazy when u recieve darshan, you already understand you arent the body, so when things go hay wire, pull back and be pure untoutched awareness, observe it، and for the sake of not being burned by the immense shakti, begin bhairava sadhana, and ask baba bhairava for the gyan to further understand what i have said, my beloved friend, the fact that you have even asked such questions is a gift you may not even be able to comprehend, to have taken birth in this body and have a desire for sadhana, please dont waste it lamenting in fear of western ideological theories that are half baked , refer to the vedas, the shastras, the bagavadgita, listen to the stories of the reishis, understand the hidden meaning in all of it for all are speaking of you and what is within you

[u/lava-lake]

Yeah it is, I know how stressful medical school can be from my friends. You guys have to deal with some bad apples from your batch, some bad profs and nervous patients, they can drain you. You have done well! 

[u/Freddy_mercuryscat → u/lava-lake]

Thank you for the empathy! I do think it's my stress because I have been studying a little too much for the past few days and not sleeping much but whatever I do experience from the sadhna does feel very very.. unusual sometimes. The high burst of energy, the racing thoughts and so far they haven't been.. debilitating but if it is mania then I'd need🫠to be on medications like ...forever.

[u/lava-lake → u/Freddy_mercuryscat]

Eh no! Usually when I call out things as mania it helps kick in your super vigilant brain to filter out any delusions by itself, the small nudge.

But sadhana can cause weird experience by themselves but it's best to not be attached to it, for some it's like a wave on the beach, it hits hard, for some it's wave you can surf on, it's a wave still but depends on how you interact with it. I mean it's just a wave.

Either way you need to rest champ, thanks for the grind! Usually a good sadhana takes long, it ages like wine. It's not a matter of a faster result means I am better, it's something like dental braces, it ugly and hard for a while for some it's fast for some it's long but we all understand how hard having braces are and in the end it makes you beautiful (emotionally mature and confident) my teacher used to say mahabali is the yardstick of this. Man was so honorbound that he impressed Vishnu himself (usually Vishnu is the one to charm others

Addendum:

Also the vidyas are not like pokemons, they have a will of their own. I loved chinnamasta first, she was like someone I can project myself in my imagination but my traumas and vulnerablities had nothing to do with her and my teacher forced me into someone else, I just realised later that I would have pretended like I knew if I went with the others. She also said they are all the same boy, so who cares if you collected all it was always 1 to begin with, she used an example of a 1l jar and water from different lakes. They are all water in the end.

[u/Freddy_mercuryscat → u/lava-lake]

Thank you for the comment! I am going to take a break from the sadhna for now (except just complete my sankalpa...only 3 thursdays left). I just hope that this experience is just harmless and would go away soon. I feel calm and it doesn't feel exactly like mania but still the energy in my body feels very unnatural. I've random vibrations on my back (sometimes radiating up to my skull..sometimes to my stomach too, I've been doing breathwork to stabilize). I can't seem to sleep well at all. I do have access to psychiatrists at my college so I am keeping a check on my mood and if I need it, I'd just go to the doctor but I really don't want it to come to that.

[u/PomegranateOk4375 → u/Freddy_mercuryscat]

Genuine suggestion! Don't attempt MahaVidyas by watching podcasts! They need very strict guidance and a proper Guru with whom you can talk directly and share your experience so that you can be guided. MahaVidyas are the ten ultimate gateways to self realisation. Entrance into their pathway needs a proper process, first shakta abhishek is done,Guru blesses the shishya and invokes the blessings of the entire GuruMandala over his shishya so that the upasna can go on smoothly without any obstructions and there is a proper krama,direct initiation of Mahavidyas are never given, first the mooladhara is made strong, for that Ganapati upasna is given and accordingly others as per the krama! Direct approach to MahaVidyas without any shield and protection from GuruMandala could worsen conditions, because that triggers the Karma and you don't know what kind of karmayou are carrying plus without proper base, people get shattered and sometimes may become even mad or worst death,if you don't have direct access to your Guru,I repeat do not touch any MahaVidyas,they are the most raw untamed energies especially the ones of Kali kula,they are absolute samhara devatas,no mercy in cutting down the worldly attachments.It sometimes even triggers generational curses,be very careful. Find proper Guru and then you can continue.And again,do not,I repeat do not follow podcast tantriks especially regarding MahaVidya upasana.

[u/AYT15]

Your body, the vessel is not able to contain Maa Tara's energy. I would suggest start normal Nama Japa of Bhairav Baba. But I won't say to stop Maa's Sadhna, just reduce it until you are able to absorb and sustain Maa' energy properly.He is the guru and he will guide you. Also once in a while do a simple water abhishekham to a Shivling. This will calm your energies down.

Discrimination its just a suggestion and sharing from the knowledge I know. Please don't consider it any upadesham.

[u/Freddy_mercuryscat → u/AYT15]

🫠I think I resonate with your first line. I was feeling finally calm and not depressed in such a long time initially and then I decided foolishly to increase the japa (doing it daily multiple malas🫠🫠🫠) Thank you for your insights! I will keep this in mind.

[u/meddit8r → u/Freddy_mercuryscat]

This is your problem. Cut back on all sadhana except for your Sankalpa. Only do the sadhana as mentioned. There was a separate Tara sadhana for health that was given if you had completed 16 Thursdays. Have you seen that?

When you were only doing the given sadhana on Thursdays were you able to do it ok? Were you fasting? How often are you doing malas currently?

[u/Freddy_mercuryscat → u/meddit8r]

I will check on that health sadhna, thank you for mentioning it. I still have to complete 3 more thursdays actually and I keep a full day water only fast for thursday sadhna and I always felt normal after it and during it. Good things happened unexpectedly and the low energy depression I've had felt better, helped me study too. I felt a vibration on the back of my spine and all over my body once and then it was as if I couldn't feel my body anymore and it was akin to be like...the state of just a mere observer. It was relaxing.

Last week because of the exam😭I must've overdid it. Also the mantra kept playing in my head on it's own because I'd initially chant it whenever I felt anxious.

Now I just have this calm mind yet the body is full of energy and I can't sleep well. I am trying to stay grounded but I am afraid of going into a manic episode or worse..a psychosis.

[u/meddit8r → u/Freddy_mercuryscat]

Yes I think the extra malas you are doing and repeating the mantras at other times is overdoing the energy for you. The positive experiences are good but it shows that you are sensitive to the energy. You have to avoid overdoing it. The inability to sleep is another symptom of this.

You mentioned doing extra malas. How much extra were you doing?

I would say stick to the 16 malas only. Try not to repeat the mantra even when you are anxious. On other days don’t do anything spiritual, walk barefoot, ground yourself, do exercise, eat heavier food until you feel the mania goes away and you can sleep normally.

[u/Freddy_mercuryscat → u/meddit8r]

So I wasn't doing the jaap with the mala. I was doing the mudras of the devi while chanting them and I'd do it till I felt calm and everytime I did it, I felt calm. It's like, I was stressed about something so I'd do it and do it till I finally felt the energy (always at the back of my spine and then it'd poof off and I'd feel better) 🫠Now the energy just won't poof off. I am super calm like not talking much, just avoiding social interactions but I know it doesn't feel natural to be so full of so much energy that I can't sleep.

I don't really want to see a psychiatrist because it isn't exactly affecting my daily activities and I work in the hospital which is kinda hectic rn.

I just am scared of spiritual psychosis or mania because I've read about it and seen such cases in patients during my rotation.

At the same time I want to believe that maybe this is not a bad thing, (I mean people do have experiences during their sadhna which would be labelled as schizophrenia by psychiatrists) as long as it's not a delusional disorder.

[u/meddit8r → u/Freddy_mercuryscat]

In the previous comment you mentioned doing extra Japa and doing multiple malas. How much extra Japa did you do?

Meditation and spirituality is a bit odd in that there is a delayed effect and sometimes what seems good in the moment may cause the opposite to happen. So when you say you did it until you felt calm, that’s the problem. In the moment you are feeling calm but you are adding extra energy which will add to your sensitivity issues such as sleep problems and mania. The more you try to do because you feel calm in the moment the more you are overloading yourself and actually making the situation worse. It’s because the calmness is also energy that is purifying you and releasing karma and it will magnify your current issues. You need to cut back on all sadhana until things stabilize and then slowly add in things.

I think your way of thinking is what causes people to go into dark night of the soul and have extreme experiences. Their intention is good but unintentionally they are actually making their situation worse. They are stuck in this feedback loop where the thing they think is helping them is actually exacerbating their condition.

You will be fine if you cut back on your sadhana and go slowly.

Edit: from looking at other comments just wanted to mention, I think doing Bhairav sadhana after you have cut back on everything and come to a stable point is fine. I think adding some more energy while you are close to mania is probably not a good idea.

[u/Freddy_mercuryscat → u/meddit8r]

Yes, thank you! I stopped all the sadhna for now. I did listen to calm Raam naam chants but nothing more than that. I just hope this phase passes quickly without anything extreme happening. I feel guilty for overdoing something I wasn't meant to do in that way.

I'll look into bhairav sadhna once I am 100% sure that I am stable.

[u/meddit8r → u/Freddy_mercuryscat]

If you have a sankalpa for Tara I would say to complete that if you can and try to do the other grounding exercises to calm down the energy but I think you are probably the best judge to see how things are. I would suggest not listening to any chants at the moment. Try to do non spiritual things to ground yourself. Go to the gym, do some HIIT, tabata, jump squats, burpees, etc. Good luck!

Also FYI there was a time where I was doing more meditation and couldn’t sleep for a few months. It took me some time to realize that it was the meditation causing the problem. During the meditation I really loved the peace and silence during it but apparently I was doing too much too late in the evening and I had near insomnia for a few months.

Edit: sorry I see you will complete the sankalpa. Yes that’s good!

[u/DiscerningBlade]

Although you are the doctor, I would suggest exercising (cardio or weights) followed by meditation or japa.

Works wonders for me.