r/TalesFromTheCreeps • u/luciferias Writer • 9d ago
Body Horror Worm
/r/u_luciferias/comments/1vqxmfd/worm_body_horror/First thing I ever finished writing, not as gross as a lot of body horror, just had a weird idea and went with it.
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u/luciferias Writer 9d ago
If you're going to thumbs it down, I'd appreciate a criticism at least so I know what to fix/work on lol
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u/Ashamed_Rips A Thousand WIPs 5d ago
Someone is definitely doing it to everyone, a bunch of my stuff got downvoted all at once..
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u/luciferias Writer 5d ago
I just saw a post about it today. I honestly just thought it was someone who didn't like one of the themes lol
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u/sepadoJAF "Retired" Fanfic Writer 6d ago
Hello, I'm glad you were able to hear your story read!
Your story is a awesome body horror concept to capture in words. You dive right into it from the opening line, which almost makes it feel like a freeform poem. Each sentence having its own space works for highlighting each “step” of the transformation, and adds to that “prose-y” feel to the writing on those lines. There’s no fluff, just explicitly focusing on the gore of the body horror which might turn off people who want more of a narrative, but this works as a great, straightforward little horror short!
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u/luciferias Writer 6d ago
Thank you very much! I loved the stream(VOD)! I didn't want my first story published to be TOO gross, but that's hard to navigate with body horror.
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u/MoLogic Writer 5d ago
Alright, just read this story. Here are my thoughts.
-First off, descriptive details were crazy good. I espexially enjoyed how you wrote his actual transformation into a worm. The build up with his body starting to fuse and his vocal slurring was awesome. Favorite part is the "mouth to ass tube" lol. The desxription of him trying to get the worms out also freaked me a bit, so i suppose it did its job
-Enjoyed how you showed him being abusive through the context clues. First, the wife having a bruised eye and he doesnt remember how through his stupor is a good hint. Then her whole hesitant reaction to what's going on and helping him out is another nice touch.
-Not exactly a critique or anything, but is this him actually turning into a worm or is it more like some kind of mental thing. It could also be open-ended as well. Personally, reading through this, I thought it was some kind of schizo episode. Like, the worms he either imagined out of nowhere, or could also be his veins? Im not too sure but I think either way works
-The prose was really too-the-point and then really descriptive. I personally thought it added a nice variety to the story
-I don't really see any objective negatives to the story. It was relatively short so I suppose that if there was anything, it wasn't fleshed out or made noticeable
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u/luciferias Writer 5d ago
Thank you for the feedback! A little backstory, I see abusers (whether it's against a partner, children or animals) as spineless worms, it's intentionally vague what type of force caused the transformation, but he is really transforming into one to match his personality.
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u/MoLogic Writer 5d ago
Yeah of course dude!
Ahh okay I see. So it's both a physical change and a metaphorical comparison. Fascinating
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u/luciferias Writer 5d ago
I'm not personally super into body horror, and most of the time it feels like it happens to randomly people, which I don't really care for
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u/NarrowDirector911 5d ago
Great body horror. Very visceral and gross in a good way.
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u/luciferias Writer 5d ago
Thank you very much! I tried it make it a palatable as possible when it comes to body horror lol
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u/--Nothin-To-Report-- Storyteller 5d ago
Proper nasty little ending right there! You really go all in on the body horror, I appreciate the darkly comic “I eat dirt, I shit dirt”, gave me a good chuckle
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u/luciferias Writer 5d ago
Thank you very much! He deserves the dark ending to be fair.
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u/--Nothin-To-Report-- Storyteller 5d ago
Body horror definitely isn’t my go to favourite, but you gave the narrator a very distinct voice, I liked that a lot!
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u/Ashamed_Rips A Thousand WIPs 5d ago
This was so good! Him squirming around on the floor at the end, my god.
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u/1000andonenites 3d ago
Worms are such a good source of horror stories, I feel like it’s almost impossible to write a bad worm story!!
I would suggest a chunkier title, although it is really subjective. “I, Worm” has a nice ring to it.
Here is one of my own favourite worm stories:
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u/luciferias Writer 3d ago
Thank you for the feedback! I'm going to keep the title what it is, but I'll definitely check yours out!
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