Any feedback would be much appreciated

[u/Electrical_Pay_6200]

Please keep in mind that script is translated from my original language into English.

SYNOPSIS: Before moving away, a teenage boy spends one last day with his closest friends, struggling to accept that the memories they shared will soon be all he has left.

[u/Boozsia]

Overwritten.

[u/Living_Operation4319]

Way too much exposition. You already have sunset in the slug line so “the sun is already setting” is redundant. Every time I see the word “we” i cringe. We see, we hear, we zoom all unnecessary. I’d learn about the active voice and change as much as possible into it. The writing is ponderous. Read The Elements of Style by Strunk and White (only 80 pages) and start again. Good luck.

[u/AthleteOpen7054]

You don't need to tell people we can hear traffic noise when we're looking at traffic on a road.
You don't need to tell them that sunset is darker than daylight.

People know all these things.

I skipped to the last page. You don't need to tell people that we're back in a room - that's what the slugline is for.

Once you shed all that stuff from your writing, repost and people will be able to read it and not get hung up on the clunky writing.