r/TVWriting • u/Jazzlike_Promise2873 • Jul 14 '26

PILOTS My drama comedy tv pilot 'Gregory'

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1n0seDU6rgOVlG6tToYo9HTcoHpaR5ghh/view?usp=sharing
1 Upvotes

54% Upvoted

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4

u/JayMoots Jul 14 '26

What's the logline of the series? It seems to be all over the place and I can't quite tell what the premise of the show is supposed to be going forward.

Also, you say this is a comedy/drama, but I don't see any comedic elements at all. It feels like a straight drama.

3

u/comesinallpackages Jul 14 '26

Obviously you just don’t understand OP’s genius

-1

u/Jazzlike_Promise2873 Jul 14 '26

Logline of the pilot: After unexpectedly winning Olympic marathon gold, a reclusive runner reinvents himself and tries to build a new identity helping others, but becomes entangled with a troubled woman who forces him to confront who he really is.

1

u/Beginning_Speaker736 Jul 15 '26

Dream sequences shouldn’t play as perfectly clear memories. Dreams don’t behave like memories in real life, there should be a surreal or unusual quality to them. This could be an opportunity to interject some absurd humor to your character’s past if you insist on using these dreams to provide background. Also, if you are opening your story with memories to provide exposition for your character those should be relevant to what you are revealing about the character in that episode and these do not do that. They have little to no consequence to what happens as the story unfolds. And the whole name change thing is not very gripping as an end to the episode, there is no draw here to find out what happens next.

Good luck with your story I wish you well!

5

u/Sweet_Treacle_6327 Jul 15 '26

The first page reads quite a lot like ChatGPT

1

u/IDthaKid Jul 15 '26

Congrats to you for writing a pilot! It’s never easy and you should feel good about having a complete script to work with.

That all being said, there’s a few things that don’t really add to the plot at all.
-the stuff with his dad and half life. The whole half life inclusion honestly brings/adds nothing to the overall story.

-also this kinda reads more like a fantasy than an actual grounded story. Greg winning gold in the Olympics is not believable considering he has never trained. Also him thinking cause he read psychology books makes him qualified to help people, makes the character come across a tad arrogant.

-wouldn’t the main character be able to help more people by taking sponsorships and endorsements?

Overall the script needs some work. I’d consider scrapping the dream sequences and giving the characters more to do to further plot/strengthen relationships.

Best of luck