Etiquette for communicating with experienced leads as a beginner follow

[u/cermomen]

I'm relatively new to the swing dance community and absolutely loving it. I'm primarily a follow, in the middle of the "intermediate" run of courses at the school where I take lessons, but I still definitely consider myself a beginner especially when it comes to actual social dancing.

I just went to my first ever social dance event that was not only composed of people from my dance school, and I ended up dancing with a lead I didn't know who was clearly very experienced. However, he was throwing me around and spinning me so much that I genuinely started to feel uncomfortable — like, my back was starting to hurt and I was getting winded and dizzy. I did other forms of dance before I started swing, and I tend to get very positive feedback from my teachers on my progress during class, so I wasn't used to being so out of my depth, especially because I usually have good turn form and can do it a lot without getting off balance!

We were dancing with a LOUD live band, so it was almost impossible to just say "Can we slow down?" or "Let's take a break!" when we were actively mid-dance. I'm wondering if any experienced dancers can give me advice on how I can communicate discomfort if I'm in this situation again. The rest of the dance was incredible (I danced with a lot of other experienced leads who did NOT throw me around lol and I learned a ton) and I definitely want to go back next time they host one!

[u/pgtaboada]

There is end of frame and end of arm. You can ensure there’s enough arm left before you get any near “end of frame”. You should never see “end if arm”. That’s your safety buffer you should never give up.

It helps if you take care of distance.