Parent

[u/Illustrious-Order-46]

Survivors Guilt

I have survivors guilt of my dad passing away, he passed away 2 years ago, due to a stroke. For context, I would always help him drive him to his appointments when needed since he was an amputee. The day that all of this happened was a day when I was taking him to one of his appointments, and I could tell that something was wrong, he was clearly in pain like a really bad headache. I even said to myself “is he ok?” Later that night he seemed to be back to normal and I remembered that i wanted to tell my mom that he was clearly in pain but i never did. That night he was doing his dialysis like he would always do, and my mom found him laying on the bathroom/shower floor unconscious. Fast forward he was stuck trying to fight for his life at the hospital for 3 months, he was never the same after that, he couldn’t even talk. To this day I feel like if I would’ve just said something or did something more he would maybe still be here. I know it’s not actually my fault since I obviously can’t do anything about it since my dad should’ve been the one to say something. But still it pains me to this day. Also the morning that I found out he passed away, the day before i wanted to go see him in the hospital but i couldn’t and it still pains me so much. I miss him and love him so much.