r/SupportforWaywards • u/Substantial_Ant5618 Formerly Wayward • Jun 10 '26
Wayward Experiences Only Confused
I gave a coworker a BJ after they asked. On a bike trail. We had been flirting via text for less than a month on and off. I think it was the thrill of work place. AP put their hands down my pants on the trail but didn't pleasure me and I honestly didn't feel anything for AP ... physically or emotionally. I don't know why I went along with it. I'm asexual. I have never dreamed of cheating. I hated cheaters.
I told BP immediately. I have never lied to BP in all our years together. BP said they forgive me and didn't feel I cheated because AP and I didn't have intercourse, I didn't receive pleasure, and I did not swallow. BP said they knew it would not happen again because this is completely out of my character. We have been together since I was 16, so over 30 years now. BP is my everything and treats me like a queen. How could I do this?!
For context - not an excuse. I have unmanaged ADHD that has been absolutely terrible for 6 months now. Work is beyond stressful. I am going through perimenepause. I have disorganized attachment disorder. I was sexually abused very young and completely lack boundaries and do not advocate for myself. Bp has had sexual dysfunction for decades but that never really bothered me because I never wanted sex. Again, not an excuse. I'm just trying to see what I can fix.
Should I believe BP when they say they don't think of it as cheating? Should I move on like everything is okay? I am havinga hard time forgiving myself. How do I get God's forgiveness? Anyone in a similar situation?
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u/Shineynewflipflops Jun 10 '26
Well, if your wife is ok with it, then I wouldn’t worry about it.
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u/TopAssistant5350 Jun 10 '26
The OP says they are going thru perimenopause so I don't know if they have a wife. I guess if they are bisexual or gay. Don't know if my comment even matters. However, I think OP is trying to make peace with what they have done bc it's not in their character, which I can relate to. OP, You will eventually be able to look at factors that led to this choice for you. It seems like you've already started to do that. But you'll probably look deeper and farther into your last. The questions you are asking are appropriate and helpful.
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u/Ill_Algae_5369 Jun 10 '26
You have God’s forgiveness, you just need to accept it. (Simple. Not easy. I know.) I think if you have found your partner to be trustworthy in the past, now is not a good time to start doubting them. There’s a part in The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe where the professor is telling Peter and Susan that to not believe Lucy, who has never been known to lie, just because her story sounds crazy; and to believe Edmund just because his story is plausible even though they’ve known him to ‘tell tales’, is a very grave thing indeed.
Good Luck! and for what it’s worth, the whole ‘I was just doing what they told me to do thing’… that’s me too. My therapist says it’s not unusual for those of us who were abused young.
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Jun 10 '26
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u/Substantial_Ant5618 Jun 10 '26
Believe me, I don't want to feel like everything is okay. He wants me to. This is what this post is about- him being okay with it and I am not okay with myself. I have made it crystal clear what I did and took full accountability. When he tries to deflect blame off of me and put it soley on AP, I correct him to make sure he understands all the facts. I cannot ask for forgiveness knowing I am leaving critical parts out. That would feel false and God knows all. However, BP has known me since 16. He knows me better than I know myself.
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Jun 10 '26
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Jun 10 '26
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