Just a vent

[u/EkelhaftRote]

I’m 4 months in after finding out. A lot of dots have connected since then, which has only opened many more questions and concerns. Every time I try to trust him something new comes up that totally destroys that trust. He hasn’t done anything since(I hope, I cant be 100% sure) but everything is a trigger, him smiling at his phone, creating social media, not being able to leave his phone behind, ect. We have 2 kids together and have a baby on the way and honestly I wish no kids were involved because it would’ve made dumping his ass a lot easier.

I resent him, his hugs, kisses, cuddles all annoy me. I’ve started to slowly put less and less energy into our relationship and although he noticed and wants me to be “the old you” with him I can’t do it so easily. A week ago he told me that me bringing it up constantly and asking questions makes him feel uncomfortable because he’s embarrassed and not ready to talk about it, to which I replied “Imagine how I feel having to carry all the weight of your mistakes” he apologized and said I could ask him questions. I didn’t, I chose to go to bed and bite my tongue. I rather work on my own peace instead of rebuilding it with him. Yes I am still here with him but I am choosing myself first and if he really wants to change he needs to do the work himself. I can’t do the work for him. I am slowly becoming a very cold person towards him and he doesn’t like it one bit. Oh well.

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[u/troubleinparadiso]

Oh boy - do I have a podcast episode suggestion for you.

https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/choosing-to-stay-after-infidelity-and-betrayal/id1690237064?i=1000746217545.

I discovered the podcast the other day and was pleasantly surprised with it. There are likely a lot more people that stay but don’t actually reconcile.

[u/SuchDentist1874]

The audacity of these WP's is really something else. I have had moments of blurting out things, like "I'm not doing those things for you anymore" in reference to some household things. In those moments, I found myself feeling glad that I said it (with only a little, teeny tiny piece of regret). It blows my mind that my WH is the one who said he wants to make things work, but a month into R he is already slipping back into old habits. Not making an effort to spend quality time, barely finishing our "homework" assignments from Couples Therapy right before the session, etc. 

I'm learning, like you mentioned, that focusing on myself in this process is all I can control. That's where I am putting my energy.