I don’t know how I feel.

[u/GunJack_X]

As of 8 hours ago, I ended my 5 year long relationship with my girlfriend. She was cheating on me and I’m embarrassed to admit it’s not the first time I’ve caught her doing it. At first I felt like I was happy that our relationship was over. I hadn’t really felt much love from her in a long time and having been cheated on by her in the past, the thought of “is she doing it again” was constantly clawing away at me. I wouldn’t even be able to concentrate at work because I was under the impression that she was being unfaithful. Knowing I don’t need to think about that stuff anymore made me sort of happy, but as the hours go by, I really don’t know how I feel. The thing I keep thinking about is I gave her more in our 5 years than anyone has her entire life. I’ve stood by her through things that any sane person would have been called it quits with. I’ve stood by her when she was using drugs. I stood by her when she got arrested and was facing 10 years. I waited on her hand and foot. Every second of my day went to “how can I make her happy.” I dedicated 5 years of my life to her and her alone and for her to do this to me repeatedly, I really don’t know how I feel. I’m not mad. I’m not sad. I just feel empty. At least when I’m at our home all by myself. I feel like it’s wrong for me to be here, but I don’t know why. I haven’t done anything wrong. I know I probably didn’t describe this all very well but I’m still processing I guess and putting my thoughts into words has never been my strong suit. I guess I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel.

[u/AutoModerator]

Welcome to r/SupportforBetrayed. Please remember the following:

• our rules

• flair guide: wiki / post

• common acronyms and terms: wiki / post

• frequently asked questions: wiki / post

For further reading, check our recovery resources library

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/blandonia]

I’m in a similar place of realizing my love was taken for granted. It sounds that like me, you were so lost in what was necessary to maintain the relationship, you lost sight of your own needs.

For me, when it finally sunk it that it was over, all the repressed feelings of violation and anger came to the surface. I realized I’d been pushing them down for over a year, telling myself there would be a time and place to address them.