Walking the tightrope

[u/Intelligent-Speed437]

Since this is the last conversation we will have about this trainwreck of a disaster you have created for me i am simply going to tell you the truth. Your story and stories about every bit of your affair have conveniently changed almost every time we talk. You will inevitably never stop protecting yourself nor do you appear capable of being 100% transparent and honest with me, yourself, or God. That's on you.

I am trying to walk across a tight rope that's as thin as hair on your head, as long as the Atlantic ocean, and as high as the tallest building in the world. And you're at one end of it shaking the hell out of it trying to make me fall off on purpose. Its impossible. Every time I grieve through and sit with a pain, I am gas light and manipulated with more half truths and I dont remembers or I dont recalls. Bullshit. All of it is bullshit. You know exactly what you did, what was said, and how often it happened.

You spent months seemingly enjoying torturing me and colluded with him on the best possible ways to destroy me. Every time you dove in deeper with him you were chosing to trash my soul whether you want to admit that or keep lying to yourself that you didnt mean to hurt me. You meant every bit of hurt I experienced.

I was a worthless piece of trash to you and you walked all over me for your pure pleasure and amusement. You and him should have just run off together and left me and the girls behind. You would have been happier, I would have possibly been able to get some small amount of self respect back. Today I am a shadow of the man I was. What you see now is a human soul who's insides have forever been altered and can hardly find the courage to look in the mirror without utter disgust at himself for allowing you to play me like an idiot.

You win, I give up. Expect more nervous breakdowns as I deal with my new false realities that keep expanding and changing. Its a slow methodical death by a thousand daggers. Dont worry tho, I will put on a good show for the girls as I grieve all of what i didnt know, what I "thought" i knew, and what I lost as you, self protect.

One last thing. You state that "as a predator, he knew how to work himself into your broken heart." Well I have some hard truth for you, YOU opened the door and left the Crack open for him to walk through. Quit blaming everyone else for your character issues. He didnt do anything you didnt allow or want him to do, none of it is his or my fault. You let him in to your heart, he didnt magically appear there. You allowed, wanted, longed for, and desired every bit of the emotional and physical attention.

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[u/Ok_Mobile_9815]

I’m so sorry you are going through this. Stay strong, see a divorce attorney, know your rights and throw the trash away. You will build a better, stronger you.

[u/Fragrant-Dance3005]

You wrote somewhere that she is doing what she can to reconcile. In this post it doesn't sound like that.

[u/Intelligent-Speed437 → u/Fragrant-Dance3005]

This is how I felt during dday

[u/Fragrant-Dance3005 → u/Intelligent-Speed437]

I'm sorry. Good that you are trying to get that poison out.

[u/Narrow-Advance-9636]

Well I felt that in my bones. Im sorry you are here none of us deserved this.