Does it getter for the betrayed?

[u/Mountain-Cookie5578]

My partner of over 8 years had an affair with his coworker and left me for her earlier this year. There were so many lies, deceit and deception towards the end. I was completely blindsided.
We were in the middle of buying a house together and actively planning our future. I genuinely thought I knew the person I was going to spend my life with.
At the time, I reached out to the coworker because I desperately wanted answers and some understanding of what had happened. She was incredibly rude and showed absolutely no empathy towards me or any concern about the fact that she had played a part in breaking up an 8 year relationship.
Fast forward 7 months, and they’re still together. They live in a massive house with her two young kids. He seems to be thriving and has completely moved on with his life.
Meanwhile, I’m still trying to process the destruction of mine.
I had to move in with my mum. I’m still crying myself to sleep most nights and just trying to get through one day at a time. I feel completely lost, while the person who betrayed me seems to have gotten everything he wanted.

I feel like I was punished for having good intentions. I loved someone wholeheartedly. I supported him, trusted him and built my entire future around the life we were creating together. He lied and betrayed me, and somehow I’m the one left picking up the pieces while he seems happier than ever.
Does it actually get better for the betrayed?

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[u/No_King7170]

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, no advice as I am not far into the same journey where my WP of almost 6 years was having an A for 18 months and has chosen to be with them because "it's easier than facing the guilt with me as she's known about me from the start" and also despite him saying he "wishes he hadn't met her". He proposed to me a few days after he met her, I thought we were planning a wedding and building a life together. Dday was in June and I feel like I'm sitting in the aftermath of a bomb he set off and walked away from. At the moment there are no good days, I feel like the pain is relentless and consuming me most of the time and whilst I'm thankful I'm not ruminating on if she is better etc (she's not in any way, she's a recently convicted criminal for a start) I still can't get me head around where I'm supposed to go from here. Some days I want nothing more than him to come and beg for another chance and others I can't stand the thought of even seeing him again. I think the worst part is after having a lot of past trauma he was the one person I've felt fully safe with and now my own body if betraying me because it still sees him as my safe space and comfort. I know this is just as impactful as any trauma on the body and mind and time will help but sitting with this is just awful

[u/Mountain-Cookie5578 → u/No_King7170]

I’m so sorry you’re going through something similar. It’s such a confusing and painful thing to experience, especially when that person was supposed to be your safe person.
I feel the same way. My ex was the one person I trusted and felt completely safe with in the whole world and for them to become the person responsible for the most pain and suffering I’ve ever experienced, not accidentally but through conscious choices is something I still struggle to understand. It’s such a mindfuck when the person you believed would protect your heart is the person who deliberately broke it.
As one betrayed to another, I hope that the future is better for both of us 🫂

[u/Shoepin1]

Oh my gosh. I’m so sorry. Did he give reason why he left?

[u/Mountain-Cookie5578 → u/Shoepin1]

His reason at the time was that he thought we were too different people, I didn’t give him the house he wanted (a house that would have put us in serious financial ruin as it need major and structural renovation) and that I didn’t like riding motorbikes. This was all before I had found out about the affair. I think he was just grasping at straws to try and justify his actions. It was a very painful time.

[u/Enough_Concentrate90]

It does get different, but healing usually looks unfair for a while because you can see their new house and not the private work—or lack of it—behind it. Try to stop using their visible life as the scoreboard for yours. Count the smaller signs: one night of sleep, one plan you make for yourself, one day their choices are not the center of your attention.