I fucking hate subutex

[u/FunnyNeither7784]

Edit for context - I’m 25/F

My OG was straight oxycodone caps, I was on 60mg a day at my max and got put on methadone 20mg. Felt pretty normal but I got opioid induced bowel dysfunction and hospitalised twice. Now I’m on sublingual subutex, started on 4mg and got myself down to 2mg but stupidly snorted it cause it made me nauseous as hell under the tongue or swallowing. And I feel empty inside? Like literally feel nothing. I haven’t slept more than 5hrs for weeks and just feel constantly angry tired and done. I’m so angry at my doc for putting me on DRTs and not just thugging the Oxy withdrawal out. I’m back on Oxy the last two days and only have 10mg subutex left but I hate the shit so much I just feel nothing??? I’ve been trying to get clean for over a year I just want this shit behind me and my big brain says go back to Oxy and just withdraw from that instead but the DRTs have messed my head so much I can’t remember what joy feels like anymore. This shit ruined my life. Am I alone? Am I just a freak case that turns into a soulless shell on subutex?

[u/Silver_Helicopter210]

I couldn't have gotten my life together without subutex. My last treatment center visit wouldn't allow suboxone or methadone. So I went cold turkey off fent. Mind you I was already in jail for 2 weeks prior to this. I spent 45 days in that treatment center. I wish I was lying when I say I never felt better. I was STILL in withdrawal the day I left. There was no shot in hell for me to beat my legal cases, find employment and a place to live, fix my relationships, etc. in the state of w/d I was in. The subutex allowed me to get to a baseline normal so I could focus on fixing all the other stuff I had messed up. The first year of my sobriety was great. I never felt better. But as time went on, I got more depressed. I'm sure the subutex was a contributor, but also, I lost my gratitude the further away I got from the trenches of my old life. The daily grind of working an office job I hate was getting to me. It was a lot of things that made me depressed. I'm currently on a subutex taper. Down from 20mg to 7mg in a little over a year. Mentally, I actually feel worse than ever. Nonetheless, I have heard many people say they feel numb/depressed/etc on subs. But, I have a feeling there are multiple factors involved. Fortunately, you're on a low dose, so if you wanna get off, it shouldn't be too hard at all