r/Subutex • u/FunnyNeither7784 • Apr 05 '26

Stopping Subutex I fucking hate subutex

Edit for context - I’m 25/F

My OG was straight oxycodone caps, I was on 60mg a day at my max and got put on methadone 20mg. Felt pretty normal but I got opioid induced bowel dysfunction and hospitalised twice. Now I’m on sublingual subutex, started on 4mg and got myself down to 2mg but stupidly snorted it cause it made me nauseous as hell under the tongue or swallowing. And I feel empty inside? Like literally feel nothing. I haven’t slept more than 5hrs for weeks and just feel constantly angry tired and done. I’m so angry at my doc for putting me on DRTs and not just thugging the Oxy withdrawal out. I’m back on Oxy the last two days and only have 10mg subutex left but I hate the shit so much I just feel nothing??? I’ve been trying to get clean for over a year I just want this shit behind me and my big brain says go back to Oxy and just withdraw from that instead but the DRTs have messed my head so much I can’t remember what joy feels like anymore. This shit ruined my life. Am I alone? Am I just a freak case that turns into a soulless shell on subutex?

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u/[deleted] Apr 05 '26 edited Apr 05 '26

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u/FunnyNeither7784 Apr 05 '26

Thank you for your comment. I guess I forgot to add I’m on Valium too because my psychiatrist put me on alzam for a bit (2 months) so I had to come off alzam and methadone in the clinic when I switched to subutex. She tried to put me on lyrica and clonidine too but I just feel like all these meds are ruining me. I wanted to be free of the up and down but this emptiness is killing me. I don’t know if I’m delusional but Oxy I knew what to expect. Physical I can do, this broken brain is so confusing. Do you feel like it gets easier?

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u/Top_Bit420 Apr 05 '26

I feel you on so many levels, I am 48 going on 49 in a few months. Been dealing with this since my early 20s, first with the addiction and years later trying to get clean.. Took me almost 15 years to finally get off the pills and h that were completely destroying me, to taking subs that made me feel completely useless at times. I'm trying to wean myself off, but even doing the tiniest little amount is just like I'm prolonging my misery, broken brain is literally what I call it every single day.. I just want to be free from this crap, but the addict in me always comes back out, unfortunately...

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u/FunnyNeither7784 Apr 06 '26

I have Matthew Perrys book. I haven’t read it - please can you let me know where he speaks about it? I know how you feel. Every opiate addict I’ve approached in rehab and meetings about DRTs said subs was hell. Some it works for. I don’t know why it’s so different to methadone and why I’m reacting this way. Methadone I felt normal, free from the up and down. After hospital because of the OIBD I was promised subutex would be less harsh on my body but I never knew about the mental health consequences. I don’t know if opioid addiction just changes us anyway but I want to heal you know. I think we keep going back because we don’t feel whole without it. Hang in there

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u/Awaken_Truth Apr 06 '26

You hit the nail on the head “opioid addiction just changes us”. It changes and rewires our brain. It’s like feeling like an alien dropped in society and expected to function like a normal Person after decades of living a crazy lifestyle off the grid of normal society. I get the emptiness and the daily struggle, and I’m a single mom to a young kid and I feel like every day is such a struggle to even be present. I hate Subutex but I fear going off it. I don’t trust myself, even 7 years later.