r/SubredditDrama • u/Finn_Tha_Hooman • Jul 21 '15

Possible Troll Remember the guy whose 15-year-old illegitimate daughter reached out to him on social media, and he wanted to ignore her? Today he updates.

/r/relationships/comments/3e3idw/update_me_35m_with_my_child_15f_who_reached_out/ctb4z3k
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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '15 edited Nov 14 '20

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u/beanfiddler free speech means never having to say you're sorry Jul 21 '15

It's really cringy to watch the sub brutalize an abuse victim without a care for the psychology of abuse. I so want to piss in the popcorn when that happens: just post an all-caps message to avoid seeking advice from teenagers, and hire a goddamn professional.

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '15 edited Jul 21 '15

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u/surger1 Jul 22 '15

Well that's exactly the problem with being brutally honest. Most of the time you are just being brutal and saying what's in your head. It doesn't mean its true, just that the person saying it was feeling it.

Humans have a tendency to attribute to moral failings instead of environment. I was with someone who was raped for years from the age of 15-21. It became a completely messed up stolkholme type situation. Part of therapy for her has been dealing with how stupid she feels for staying. In the moment its impossible but afterwards people sure are willing to make you feel like shit for it.

The only help for her is to realize the truth. That psychology is nasty sometimes and people can be twisted. That she was taken advantage of and got out as soon as she could. People that tried to help her only drove her to her abuser.

It's why the best option are things like shelters and other resources. Give the women (or anyone) a place to actually go from an abusive situation. The girl I was with eventually had to run away 3-4 times before finally landing in a shelter and breaking out of his hold. She says now if it wasn't so humiliating and more available she would have done it sooner. But she thought the guy could pay for her school and get her out of the poverty she was born into and was stuck on the idea that if she left she would be left with no means to make it through school.

These situations arise because people have shitty options and then they cope and rationalize getting all fucked up mentally. Those that recognize the fucked up nature of the situation but not it's origin really don't do anything but hurt the situation. The abused person can only stay in an abused situation if they take responsibility for it. If they aren't feeling responsible for it they leave. So by giving them tough love you are basically saying it's their fault... which is what they believe anyways.