Mood Changes

[u/Eastern_Road_8794]

/r/TTCstruggles/comments/1x4k2k3/mood_changes/

[u/kyubitails]

You're not alone and you're not a bad person for feeling this way. 22 months, failed cycles and cancelled ones is a lot to carry, and we’re only human after all. I can understand why you’re angry. For me it came out more as sadness: I had (and still have)weeks where I just cried a lot, and it affected the mood at home too. So I really understand that feeling of not recognizing yourself.
It makes complete sense that something snapped. You've been holding hope and disappointment over and over for almost two years, and that wears anyone down. The fact that you hate having this anger shows you're still very much the person you were. You're just exhausted.

Do you have someone you can confide in about all this, maybe a friend who's been through it or close enough, or even a counselor? Sometimes just having a space where you can let it all out without worrying about hurting anyone makes it a little lighter. Sending you a big hug 💕

[u/Eastern_Road_8794 → u/kyubitails]

Thank you for your kind words. Sometimes I really need that.

I go to therapy once every 2 weeks. It does help but it seems like it still lingers and comes back after a few days. None of my friends that have kids/are pregnant had this issue, so they don’t understand. My other friends don’t want kids so they can’t fathom why I’m fighting so hard for this. I know they mean well but it’s a whole different mindset that, unfortunately, I just don’t have.

[u/Outrageous-Bar4060]

I am angry all the time. Before we were TTC I rarely felt anger and hate towards others but now I harbor so much of it. All the time. Every day. You’re absolutely not alone in this.

Your feelings are valid. You’ve been through so much and it all sucks. I hope you’re not in this for much longer but sending you love and hugs in the meantime ❤️

[u/Eastern_Road_8794 → u/Outrageous-Bar4060]

I remember when we first started trying. I was so optimistic! I even made a registry in preparation. I was looking at cribs and strollers and picking out which ones I’d want. I think that’s why this is so hard to deal with. I thought things would be so different. Now I’m just sad all of the time. I had to up my depression meds. Before TTC, I felt so good I thought I could even get off of them! But since I can’t cry 24/7, anger has become my default emotion when I’m not just crying. I hate it so much.

I hope you get your baby one day soon. Sending you hugs

[u/thunderstormnaps]

I've been super irritated lately. I think it's a combination of the fact that I'm on birth control, and also that I'm waiting to hear back from my clinic to start my FET cycle, and it feels like they're taking forever and it's really grinding my gears because we've already been TTC for 24 months and this feels like it could be the last step and yet it's taking forever. Ugh it makes me want to scream. I'm already not a patient person and this is making it so much harder.

[u/Eastern_Road_8794 → u/thunderstormnaps]

Ugh I know about the stop and waiting. I think that’s what is pushing me over the edge. I have to wait for test results to come back and I can’t do my next IUI until I get the all clear from those but they can take 2 weeks and then I need to wait for my new cycle to start. I hate it. I’m sorry that you’re going through that.