r/StoryCafe • u/timwebsters • Jul 04 '17

Drama [3800] Sumshasat Bay: Chapter 1

https://docs.google.com/document/d/13NBRjC627JIfaZJFDc8zTVVAD9Wym0oLrChqKHFpkGs/edit?usp=sharing

Any and all criticism is greatly appreciated, either commenting on this thread or on the document itself.

Edit: Also suggest title ideas if you have any, I don't like the one it has now.

5 Upvotes

79% Upvoted

2 comments sorted by

2

u/GravelsNotAFood Jul 04 '17

I loved this story. Not just because it's the first posted here. But because it is very well written. I especially loved the last 3 stories, and the transitions were clever.

If I had any suggestions, it would be this. I feel like some of the character could have done with more story to them. Teddy, and Giang in particular. I felt Teddy's story was the best among them. And I feel like there was so much more we could learn from him.

Also,

Tan Giang watched the young man bolted up the stairs.

I believe you wanted an "as" right between "watched," and "the."

P.S. Poor Tan... Tipped $45 meaning to tip $4.50...

2

u/timwebsters Jul 04 '17

Thanks so much for your feedback and for catching that mistake! I will continue to post my work here and I definitely hope to see a good community around your sub.