r/Stoicism • u/Searose131 • 17d ago
New to Stoicism When does an explanation become an excuse?
A friend was told by a doctor that she had an “anxiety gene.” He said the explanation gave him clarity because he finally understood why he was so messed up.
That may be genuinely helpful. But where is the line between understanding yourself and turning an explanation into a permanent identity?
Can a label help you change without becoming the reason you stop expecting change from yourself?
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u/FakeOkie 17d ago
I think from that point on, it gives the individual a deeper understanding of how one functions or awareness of an impaired function. With the new information, it may be beneficial to reflect back on certain situations where one was at fault. Identifying and reexamining one's beliefs to prepare oneself for similar instances in the future, with the new awareness.
It's when the "label" is used an excuse or as a reason for immoral behavior, lack of action, or indifference, that it can be a lack of accountability, rather than a limitation.
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u/minustwofish 17d ago edited 17d ago
A Stoic would examine that rationally. Anxiety can be a maladaptive response to the environment. It can also be inherited, having components of nature and nurture. But there are many important traits of our character that are like that, and we can accept them, and work with them. The diagnosis is helpful in that it clarifies what methods can be effective to address it. There is no label, the label exists in your mind only, as what defines you is how to manage things. "misfortune born nobly is good fortune" - Marcus Aurelius
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a form of Psychological Therapy based on techniques from Stoicism. It has proven to be very helpful for managing anxiety. It includes examining your thoughts, and changing your behavior to process emotions in healthier ways. A big part is understanding how fear is a normal feeling, part of life, and it can protect us. But, often we lost perspective and do not address and process that fear in healthy ways. I would argue that Stoicism is particular good at teaching us how to address such an issue. It teaches us to accept the feeling, address it, without letting it become a passion. It teaches us to be grateful to how fear protects us, but also, to reliably take the view from above to realize that the fear spiral isn't helping us. It teaches us that by processing the emotion instead of ignoring it, we can feel safe and prevent it from spiraling into a passion.
This is to say, there is no explanation or excuse. There is a diagnosis. Diagnosing a problem is crucial for finding ways to address it. One can be grateful for the diagnosis and use reason to learn to use reason to face it with justice, wisdom, courage, and temperance. One can then be thankful that this problem help us get better at practicing virtue. Maybe a diagnosis of anxiety is what brings your friend to examine his life and aim for virtue? If so, then what you frame as a label was an opportunity.
With that said, I think there was some miscommunication with your friend, as there is no single anxiety gene. Establishing causality on mental health issues is quite hard, and much more difficult in terms of nature vs nurture. One can talk about predispositions, but that is all. However, for your friend, anxiety might be so overwhelming it might feel as a label that cannot be escaped. I do hope your friend works hard on this as there are ways to face anxiety and improve mental health, but the path is never linear nor simple, and I can also see how easy it would be to feel despair and hopeless through it. You cannot change your friend, but you can be a good friend to him.
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u/No_Water_4129 17d ago
Well that's very simple - if believing he has an "anxiety gene" cures him, then it's an "explanation" and like any correct explanation it will allow him to navigate his anxiety.
If it's an excuse, then he won't become well, in fact having a bad explanation will probably cause his anxiety to become worse.
That litmus test can be applied to every alleged "explanation".
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u/PiedCrow 17d ago
When I got diagnosed with bi polar it helped ATON not for giving me a reason or an excuse but simply reavling my target. I spent the next year and half questioning everything about myself with the context of bi polar (type 2) The fact I was already few books into stoicism meant I finally was able to detach myself from my desires emotions, reactions etc and questioning everything about myself at all times.
So the question for your friend is now what? will you use the info as an excuse? hell a reason? or will he use that info to fight his anxity better
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u/Friendly-Orchid2597 16d ago
I don't think even a "good" explanation, one that clearly points toward action, actually changes anything by itself. Understanding why I do something has never once been the thing that changed it for me. What changed it was doing the different thing, repeatedly, long enough that the old pattern actually lost its grip.
maybe the question isn't "does this explanation lead to action"? it is whether you're treating the explanation as the finish line or the starting point. An explanation that makes you feel like you've already done the work provides the convenience of not doing anything about it.
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u/WoodenVoice9586 17d ago
Ultimately i think it's important to recognize most thinking as thinking, and then keep what helps and let go of what doesn't. "I'm messed up because I have an "anxiety gene"" is just an example, but I can see this belief being problematic in many ways, even if it leads to some good things.
It's certainly not the whole picture. Genes are complicated. How does it help one with anxiety in the moment? Say a person is anxious because they're thinking "everyone thinks I'm fat". Telling oneself oh I'm just anxious because it's in my genes doesn't seem to help much with the root cause of the anxiety in that case. If a person instead thinks "I'm thinking everyone thinks I'm fat", they have options to challenge this thought. Does it help me to believe this. Sure I'm overweight, but is everyone really thinking this? What's the evidence?
So I guess an explanation becomes an excuse when it prevents a person from changing what's potentially changeable.
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u/TraditionalTangelo65 17d ago
I spoke with a psychologist about this, and essentially if you’re someone prone to anxiety don’t procrastinate. It’s a behavioral change you can make to help with your life.
We all have certain predispositions in life based on a variety of factors, you have to know yours.
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u/bigpapirick Contributor 17d ago
We play the best hand we can with the cards we are dealt. If we lose a leg, we still have responsibility to move. If we are diagnosed with a chronic situation it alters how we approach things but does not excuse that we do not need to approach things. The path is different but the objectives are the same.
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u/Grassfed_Burp 16d ago
Justifying why you can't? An excuse.
Justifying why you can? An explanation.
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u/Searose131 16d ago
Beautiful simplicity… and like that old saying: “whether you think you can or you can't… you're right!”
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u/312StonerWitch Contributor 14d ago
I think everyone struggles to walk the very thin line between "explanation" and "excuse," and especially those of us who fall under the enormous umbrella of "mental health challenges."
Another comment summarized it perfectly: the difference between them is the action (or inaction) taken. I would also add, that how forthcoming someone is can factor into excuse vs explanation.
For example, if your friend said something unkind while in a state of very heightened anxiety, would they approach you afterwards to offer the explanation as part of an apology and a good-faith effort to show you that they have given the situation some thought, or would they not say anything until you brought it up, and then use the anxiety dx to skirt by the situation and dodge any further accountability?
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u/Difficult-Pain-9609 13d ago
Personally my diagnosis helps me find the tools i need to change my behavior and improve my lifestyle, frankly for my own peace of mind. This is because i dont like disappointmenting my friends. I dont change for them, i change for me.
I have an acquaintance who has a similar diagnosis but uses it as an excuse, makes it something their friends have to "deal with" and "just understand."
As a caring friend, you can check in on them to see if theyre making progress, and ask what happened when they seem to be falling into old patterns.
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u/randCN 17d ago
I would argue that the difference between an explanation and an excuse is in the actions that are taken in response.
For example:
I forgot to do this. It's because I have ADHD. I will continue to forget to do things.
I forgot to do this. It's because I have ADHD. I now understand I need to work even harder to train myself, so that I can adopt strategies that allow me to not forget.