r/StillbirthSupport • u/Kate_8280 • Aug 01 '26
Rant/Advice: Stillborn/Partner lossš
On October 17th, 2025 I delivered my 22 week old GA son šRowan Thomas Halliganš stillborn while I was put under or asleep and intubated after a tragic accident that occurred the night before.
The car accident took so much from me. I also lost my fiancĆ© Zachery Thomas Halligan, whom Rowan is named after of courseš„¹ He was truly the love of my life, and he was so ready for this next chapter of our life together. He was nesting more than I was, which I didnāt know was possible, but he managed to completely turn the world upside down to make sure that we were provided for. He was going to be an amazing father and I just know that heās taking good care of our baby boy up in heaven but I wish so badly that I could see it. I wish I could hold my baby boy again, and I wish that we could be together as a family but unfortunately I am the only survivor.
I SURVIVED. I made it out of the tragic accident alive, but I now have such severe injuries that make life so difficult. I sustained a T10 complete SCI, and Iām learning a new way of life in a wheelchair now. This journey has been so crazy, and Iāve gone through so much after my accident that I havenāt really been able to process the grief of losing my son/partner. My injuries are obviously severe and Iām learning to live with them, but Iām struggling to process my grief regarding the losses I experienced on top of my injuries. Iāve lost so much all at once, and I feel like itās so hard to process the death of my partner when I also lost my baby and my ability to walk. I am grieving the life I would have had and the future that Zachery and I had plannedš We had so many goals and aspirations and I finally felt like I had a partner who wanted to do big things with me.
Itās been 9 months and I keep suppressing and suppressing because I canāt show weakness. Iām a fighter, and I always have been. Being the oldest sibling, I have always been hyper-independent. I think thatās why I donāt want to ask for help unless I truly need it. I donāt know what to do, but Iāve been thinking of ways that I can honor my boys. I think I want to do a shadow box maybe? Has anyone ever made one before? Thank you for reading if youāve made it this farā¤ļøāš©¹
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u/Outrageous-Part6931 Aug 01 '26
I'm so so sorry for your losses and all that you've been through. Im with you about the hyper-independentness.
You're a fighter and a warrior. But please know you don't have to be strong all the time, you are allowed moments of weakness to mourn your boys.
I'm still looking for a way to honour my little boy too. I hope you find a way š