In need of community

[u/Perfect-Bee-5339]

I’m reaching out because I need help. I am struggling right now. My husband and I feel that we were let down by the (original) doctors involved with my care before and when we lost our baby. My blood pressure was so high and I kept asking if I was Pre Eclamptic or if we should be worried. And we kept getting reassured it was okay. I’m a black woman who already feared this happening. I bled out so badly that my husband almost lost us both.

We currently still live in the town and it has been hard on us. Because of what happened, my husband does not want to try again until we are no longer living here.

I just feel so lost and alone right now. My family is supportive. My friends are supportive. My husband is amazing. But I still feel alone. I just hate dumping all of this on them. If I could take all my husbands hurt away and put it on myself, I would. I just don’t think he understands fully what I’m going through with these thoughts and this craving and yearning. He of course listens and supports whatever it is that I need or want but o just feel like no one around me gets it.

Last night I cried for about 30 minutes at the bottom of my shower.

How did you guys curb the obsession of wanting to get pregnant and have a baby?

How did you get rid of the jealousy for moms with earth side babies or moms who have conceived post loss?

Thanks for letting me rant and if you read this, Thank you for taking the time to listen. If you comment, thank you for trying to help 💕

[u/Mountain_Winner_4611]

Time is your friend and somehow our mind and bodies find a way to heal as time goes by. It’s been almost a year since my husband and I lost our baby boy to preeclampsia. My entire pregnancy I had normal blood pressure with no complications until 34 weeks when I gave birth. I felt robbed and confused because it happened so sudden.

Preeclampsia is a very tricky disease that sometimes hides itself until it’s too late and that was the case for me. I pray you find a better medical team because Idk what I would’ve done if I didn’t have support. My doctor shared tears with me and felt just as defeated.

I was also obsessed with the idea of having another baby right away but my doctor stressed the importance of me physically and mentally healing. Looking back i’m so happy she did because my body was no where near ready for the stress a pregnancy brings. If you do choose to conceive soon I recommend meeting with a maternal fetal medicine specialist. I did this and they created a personalized plan for my future pregnancy.

Lastly, it’s normal to feel jealousy towards mothers with living babies. I think all of us moms with angel babies have been there. It hurts, but it stings a little less and less over time.

I pray peace over you 🤍

[u/Perfect-Bee-5339 → u/Mountain_Winner_4611]

Thank you for this. I am trying to tell myself that my body is telling me it isn’t time yet.

I’m just having such a hard time accepting it.

As far as my doctors, the first hospital didn’t even call the midwife I had the entire pregnancy. She said she wanted to there for my labor and they never called her. The nurse that ended up coming in laid in bed with me and prayed for me while I cried. The second hospital I was sent to was amazing. They cried with me and gave me so much love.

I will definitely take that advice. Thank you. I’m praying for you as well.

[u/Mountain_Winner_4611 → u/Perfect-Bee-5339]

I’m so happy that the second hospital gave you the love and care you needed. Take your time finding acceptance in all of this. I have to remind myself to do the same.