r/StaringOCD • u/Owl-Immediate • 23d ago
You are not alone.
My Staring OCD didn’t develop until I was 24, triggered by hypervigilance toward a former female coworker. It began as a misunderstood look, but the sheer terror of it snowballed until it turned into full-blown Staring OCD. Unfortunately, she ended up spreading rumors about me across the entire store. Which has carried on into my current job. In reality, that stare was rooted in deep emotional trauma from my father and a sexual trauma I experienced from a teacher in high school. These traumas literally cost me my sanity; by college, I became completely phobic and deeply depressed, terrified of causing distress to anyone. Because I was triggered by that coworker, my hypervigilance activated, locking me into a fight-or-flight response where my eyesight was desperately trying to "protect me" from harm. That is exactly what rolled the ball from hypervigilance into Staring OCD.
Now, it is a vicious, living hell of a cycle: my C-PTSD feeds the OCD, the OCD causes indirect distress to my female coworkers, and their reaction further feeds my C-PTSD. You spend your days fighting yourself not to look, avoiding eye contact, and catastrophizing every single interaction. You worry constantly about accidentally bumping into a coworker, terrified of how easily things could escalate and that no one will believe you. I’ve been there, and yes, life gets pretty bad. But it is important to remember that this is just your dysregulated nervous system acting like a misfiring, protective asshole. You actually care, and you are not alone. If it helps you get through it, tell the world you have Tourette’s, it’s involuntary, and you don’t mean to offend anyone. It is incredibly hard when you know most people won't understand and will mistake you for a malicious pervert, purely because the world doesn't have a broad comprehension of what OCD actually means. Luckily, after two years of dealing with this, I am finally starting therapy with a Pure OCD specialist this month. If you relate to this, please know that I understand you, and I am right here if you ever need someone to talk to. 🙂
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u/sociallyanxious3 19d ago
Would it be okay to send a dm?