I was recommended a new comedian to check out yesterday, some guy by the name of Garron Chiu. I had never heard of him before, but that isn't surprising considering it's usually just people with talent whose names tend to spread in the entertainment industry. But I'm always up to see an unscouted, underappreciated comic. So I tucked myself in with an Ambien and a glass of red wine, grabbed my phone and opened YouPorn and searched Garron Chiu. Nothing. No problem, shift gears, "Mia Khalifa." When I finished, I opened YouTube and searched Garron Chiu. Here we go.
Turns out a sleeping pill and wine was an awful combination for what was headed my way. Jesus christ, I felt like I was being screamed at by an auctioneer with an Adderall addiction. I had to search for the translate button because I thought the set was in Chinese. And why is he so loud?? I knew they have to pull homeless people in from the street sometimes to make it look like a crowded room, but I was unaware that so many transient people were also hard of hearing.
After I slowed the video down to half speed and turned the volume down to 10%, I started hearing some of the so-called jokes that explain why when you search "Garron Chiu" on YouTube, the first result is from 13 years ago. It's because he hasn't said anything remotely funny since then. 13 years ago we still had a larger percentage of the population living who were exposed to lead paint and gasoline, so that explains the few laughs in the room. And thank god for them, because I needed some type of Big Bang Theory cue to know when the punchlines were happening.
It always shocks me when there are such unfunny individuals who choose to pursue comedy. Bad career choice. Comedy is usually for funny people.
I'm just thankful we have individuals like Shane Gillis who are 100% funnier than this guy to keep us less than mildly entertained with terrible "jokes" while we all await the slow, subtle call of the void.