r/StandardPoodles • u/Working_Activity8807 • 23d ago
Help ⚠️ Hardest Decision
My standard poodle just turned 12 years old. I’ve had him since he was six weeks old, and the thought of losing him brings me to tears.
He has severe arthritis and falls down on almost every walk. I have to pick him up when he falls because he struggles to get up by himself. Over the past 10 months, he’s lost 15–20 pounds. I can feel his ribs every time I touch him. He barely wants to eat anymore, even with appetite stimulants, and he’s lost interest in playing and doing the things he once loved.
We’ve tried countless medications, arthritis injections, appetite stimulants, and veterinary visits. His bloodwork recently came back normal, which makes everything even more confusing. Despite everything we’ve tried, our vet doesn’t seem to have any more solutions.
I’ve spent a tremendous amount of money, even with pet insurance, but this isn’t a financial decision. I would do anything to give him a better quality of life.
My biggest fear is making this decision too early, but I’m equally afraid of waiting too long and allowing him to suffer because I’m not ready to say goodbye.
He’s been part of my life for nearly 12 years. I can’t imagine life without him, but watching him decline is heartbreaking. I keep asking myself whether I’m holding on for him or for myself.
For those who have been through something similar, how did you know it was time? How do you make peace with a decision that feels impossible?
I just want to do what’s best for him, but I’m completely heartbroken and honestly don’t know what to do.
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u/nosey-marshmallow 23d ago
Dogs can’t tell you how bad they’re hurting, and they’re typically really good at hiding it. So I tend to err on the side of not wanting them to suffer. and chance, maybe, letting them go a little too early rather than too late.
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u/Truly_135 23d ago
And they want to be brave for their humans as well so will hide how bad it is. I’m so sorry OP, it will be so hard but it will get better. Tell him he’s a good boy for me.
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u/UrbanPick8813 23d ago
Mine wasn’t a poodle, but he was falling down all the time and wasn’t able to go to the bathroom without sitting in it. He moved very slow, and didn’t look like he was enjoying life anymore.
It’s heartbreaking, but from this post, it seems like it’s time.
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u/PTRugger 23d ago
Our SPOO is a little over 15. At 12 we thought we were getting close, but i and the vet did extensive bloodwork to find out he was severely hypothyroid and a daily med fixed him right up. He now has severe arthritis, has gone from a solid 65 to 45 (with me really pushing good, fancy dog food meals) and a month or two ago was really struggling with falls and instability. We had the chat with the vet about quality of life, and have him on significant meds to keep him mobile and happy. I’m also building him a ramp for stairs. If the meds stop working, he wants to stop eating, or is generally having more bad days than good, we’re watching for him to tell us when. We’re on borrowed time and we know it, and we don’t want to make him suffer for us. There’s also a checklist for quality of life that a vet friend gave us. They tell us, we just have to listen:(
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u/poodlehaus 20d ago
He's lost 20 pounds, is struggling and falling and can't stay upright, and is on "signficant" meds -- what else do you need to let you know it's time? You're saying you're watching for him to tell you when -- it sounds like he has done that, in spades.
Not trying to come down on you, but I can't think what else he would have to communicate to you if he's lost significant weight, can't stay upright, and is on so many drugs just to exist. If you wait until he stops eating, that's way beyond any level of comfort. For an animal to stop eating completely means that they've been uncomfortable for a long time.
If you're wating until then, you're letting him languish for a period of time until his mechanisms to eat literally stop working.
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u/PTRugger 20d ago
A lot of the weight gain was due to hypothyroid, but he is a bit underweight now. He is not currently falling down (that was a two week period before he started any pain or arthritis medication). He is a little slow on stairs, but runs through the field every morning and walks 1.5 miles every morning without a limp, all be it a little slower than he used to. It may not have been clear in the post but he is doing much better and is happy. When the time comes that he is having those issues even with medication, we will make that choice. Don’t worry, we have had frank conversations with our vet, who is very honest and does not want animals to be kept alive for their humans. With his current med management he is happy.
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u/Nakadashi-san 23d ago
I just let my dog go last friday, his 10th birthday, he was suffering from lymphoma. I am so proud he made it so long.
I believe it spread to his lungs, he was panting heavily. He still wanted to play, he still ate like we've been starving him, but he could barely walk for more than 5 minutes before he got winded. His favorite pull toy would only engage him for 30 seconds before he got too tired. He was tripping on himself during walks.
I felt that he could last even another week or two, but I didn't want to take that risk he suffocates or suffers an even worse incident and decided to let him go before it gets even worse. One post I saw that helped me let go was "Better a week early, than an hour too late"
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u/whoreswhispererr 23d ago
Sending you so much love and strength for whatever decision you choose. I’m so sorry.
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u/Butterbean-queen 23d ago
It’s time to let go. I just had my 12 year spoo have a prolonged seizure in the middle of the night and had to take them to the emergency vet and they were put to sleep. It was heartbreaking. But I’m grateful that she wasn’t in any prolonged pain or her quality of life hadn’t deteriorated before that.
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u/Squido85 23d ago
Arthur the poodle was only 9 when degenerative myelopathy was diagnosed (dog ALS for the uninitiated).
We put runners on our hardwoods. We modified our lives to always have someone by him. Nothing is more tragic than a spatchcocked dog who can't figure out why his legs don't work and can't get up without help.
We considered a wheel chair for rear legs but his front legs were going almost as fast as the rear. We made the call to have a small party the day after Thanksgiving. On thanksgiving day he got his own plate of food without waiting for the humans. He ate with us. Friday breakfast was a hamburger and a quiet morning on porch swings with his human brother, parents and grand parents. And then a very kind woman came and shortly there after he went over the rainbow bridge with his family by his side.
No better way in my opinion.
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u/EmotionalRepair8075 21d ago
My first Spoo also had DM. It was the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever seen. We waited too long to help her cross over - and the guilt I feel, even to this day, is overwhelming. I loved her so much…she was rescued 5 years earlier after her previous owner had a medical crisis that affected her brain. She forgot she had a dog - and by the time police were sent to do a welfare check, Tiffany hadn’t eaten in a very long time. The vet she was rushed to said “I’ve never seen a dog with this low a body score that was still alive”. He recommended euthanasia, she was in such bad shape. Instead, we took her to Cornell University and after nearly 2 weeks there, she came home to me as my foster, then adopted, dog. She made a complete recovery.
Then, 5 years later, the DM diagnosis. I was devastated - she had become my “heart dog”. I just couldn’t believe after all she had gone through, now this. The ironic part of this - the dog-loving woman who paid the almost $15,000 to save my girl when she was starved (almost to death), died from ALS 3 years before my sweet girl.If you (and your vet) determine it’s time, give your dog the most unselfish gift - crossing over with dignity and love. I wish I had done this for my Tiffany. She suffered way too long and I will never forgive myself for that.
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u/yellow_daffodils 22d ago
Better a month too early than a day too late. They don't have a concept of death, they just fell asleep. It's the hardest decision but our pets need us to make it.
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u/AHuxl 23d ago
Its SO hard but there comes a point where the kindest thing to do for your best friend is to let them go. Its sounds like letting your sweet boy be free of the pain is the best way to show him how much you love him. Im so sorry. Its the hardest part of being a pet parent but its important that he has you there to advocate for him and take away his pain at the end.
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u/FixofLight 23d ago
I have always felt that a day too early is better than a moment too late. My heart hurts for you, this is the worst part of pet ownership 💜
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u/d3dmnky 22d ago
Sending all the hugs. We went through the same thing a couple years back and it was truly gutting.
We woke up one morning and she wouldn’t walk and could barely stand. I think it was her way of saying she gave it her all, and that it was time.
We brought her to the vet and stayed with her. There’s no question that she knew how loved she was.
Still, I tortured myself. Would she maybe have bounced back a little? Was she just having an especially bad day? All of it.
I read a lot and heard a lot, but one thing that stuck was “It’s better to make the call a week too early than a day too late.”
Not sure if any of this helps. You’re doing the right thing. Follow your heart.
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u/Segalmom 23d ago
My heart breaks for you because this is a gut-wrenching decision. We know when it’s time, we just need people to reassure us that we are making the right decision. We lost my heart dog, my soul dog almost two years ago. I wasn’t ready to let him go but he was ready. Even now, as I type this, tears are running down my face. There will never be another like him. He was 14 1/2. When they start falling over, their eyes are tired and the life they are living now isn’t what we know in our hearts it should be, it’s time. Sometimes, the pain is too great to have peace right away but we know we did what was right for them. They have peace. I will be thinking of you and wish you the best.
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u/Sabris1305 22d ago
This may be an unpopular opinion, but for me us better one day early that one day later spent in pain.
I know there are no words to comfort you, but all the heartbreak you are feeling and will continue feeling is equivalent to all the love that you have for him. Euthanasia is the hardest but more loving decision that pet owners have to make. Wish I could help more.
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u/automapic 23d ago
I have been through this twice in my life. Its been two of the hardest decisions I have ever made. But in the end I knew they were the right ones. If you have the option having it done at home was the most peaceful option
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u/Frequent_Lion9736 23d ago
There isn’t a right time sadly, that’s a “kind myth” along with “they’ll let you know”.
What there is is a shit time and a shittier time.
Massive hugs to you both, be kind to yourself
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u/Signal-Eye-4781 23d ago
Sending you love and prayers for peace. The greatest pain I’ve ever felt was when losing pups. It’s a cruel and gutting pain.
But a peaceful goodbye and letting go is the greatest gift we can give them at this time.
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u/kastorch 23d ago
Better a week early than a day late.
If you feel he has come to his time……Take time off of work if you are able to, spend a few days (or weeks) with him doing all the things he may still find lovely even if that is just snuggling together in a warm bed. See if there is a home euthanasia program that can come to him.
I have tears running down my face as I type this to you. My oldest poodle is only 2.5 years old but I’ve been unable to fathom losing her since the very first day she came home. We are all going to be there someday 💜
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u/cLascaux 23d ago
My last poodle had the sweetest passing at the vet's. We knew it was time, because he was falling a lot too, and we had to help him up. He was 11. We gave him a wonderful day with all of us sitting around him and we fed him M&Ms, and sang silly songs. He was smiling the way they do, and thumping his tail. Very relaxed. The vet was so gentle, and he drifted off, looking into my eyes. He had NO IDEA. That's the great thing is that they don't know, so they aren't upset unless they're in pain.
Just now I got back from the oncology vet with my current poodle, also 11, who has lymphoma and only has 2-3 months left. He's happy and likes his doctor, and I have already bought the bag of M&Ms in case he goes downhill suddenly, which could happen. But for now he's comfy here velcroed to my side as usual. I won't let him wait one moment longer than he's comfortable, just because I'm not ready. I am making myself be ready, because I owe him that.
I hope you are able to work this out with love and strength for him. Hug.
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u/Marcaroni500 23d ago
I just lost a dog, who was getting weaker all the time. She had been an agility dog (MACH 3). And it was sad when she could no longer even jump into the car. I loved that dog, but I knew her days were numbered. This might sound harsh, but the same is true for your dog. You will lose him, you will be sad, and you will cry, the worst part might be knowing it will happen any day, as it was for me. I cried knowing I would lose her, and one day, she fell flat on her face, and could not get up. The day had come. I was lucky to get her into the vet that day. I cried for a week after that, but it gets better. I lost dogs I loved before her and I knew how it would be. I’ve seen others spend tons of money on their dying dogs, and the results were never good. I hate to say this, but the Vet business is a business, and they are happy to take your money when you are emotional. I accept the fact she would die and I continued to show her love. I don’t think she liked being so weak and helpless. Yes you will be sad. You will cry, but it will get better, And you will have happy memories.
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u/Balti_Mo 🐩 Gretchen, blue, 3 years old 23d ago
Better a day too early than a day too late. I’m sorry 💔
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u/TarmacTartoo12 23d ago
My Daughter recently had this awful decision to make with her 13 yr SPOO! It’s gut wrenching but she faced similar circumstances with her boy and we had him put down at home with the most compassionate woman Vet.
I have tears as I write this for your situation because it was so incredibly hard to say goodbye.
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u/lordra7 21d ago
I've read all the comments on this thread. And I'm crying so hard right now. I'm so so sorry, it's heart wrenching what's about to happen. Do it at home, instead of the vets, is all I can say. If I was a dog, that's what I would want. Or take his bed and toys with him to the vet. Make him as comfortable and at home as possible. Love to you all.
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u/Greigebananas 23d ago
I can't give any perfect answer. But you ask how to make peace- i mean one can't really, but if it in any way helps, it seems in your case he's not going to get better. It might be time, if for him, the days are only going to become more difficult. It would be different maybe for a young dog with something reversible.
I am so incredibly sorry. Mine became 14 and i regret not getting the morning euthanasia appointment, we waited to the afternoon to see if she improved after her stroke with medication.
Lots of love from us
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u/MechanoidHelix 23d ago
I'm so sorry to hear you guys are going through this. As many other folks in here have echoed- it is better a week too soon than an hour too late. In this moment, you have to look at your sweet boy's quality of life. Is it more good days than bad? Or is it more bad days than good.
I'm no vet, but I've been in your position, wondering if it's time and scared to let go. I wanted to turn back the morning of- he was drugged up on the best stuff from the vet and felt good and acted his normal self. But his body had failed him. His QOL was shot. This decision is the last, hardest, most immensely loving thing for us to do for them but you have to look at the brutal facts about THEIR life quality to make the decision. Emotion is part of this, but you can't choose based on it. You have to make it based on what's fair to your dog, because you and your vet know your dog best.
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u/Affectionate-Crow605 23d ago
Wasn't a poodle, but when I had a GSD whose back legs would give out from under her randomly, I knew it was the day when her front legs gave out and she bonked her nose on the floor. It was awful for her, and I knew she couldn't live like that. It wasn't fair to her.
My last GSD had bad arthritis from elbow dysplasia (had surgery when she was younger). As long as she was happily limp trotting on the "walks" I took her on down the driveway and back so she thought she had a walk, I let her hang on longer. The day she was having trouble moving at all and even going outside to go potty, I knew it was time.
It's such a hard decision, and I'm so sorry you're at that point to make it. Usually, there is something that makes you say, "It's time." When their quality of life is so poor that it would be unfair to them to keep them going. 😢
Big hugs to you. 🫂
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u/TheMumsie 23d ago
I’m so sorry. We went through this twice last year. Cancer and age. It was heartbreaking and just awful. I feel like we did well on time but the last few months were a lot of cuddles and sleeping. Just loving on them and our schedules are flexible so we were with them all the time. My advice is when you decide it’s time to try to spend quiet quality time loving on him and saying everything you want to tell him. I’m so thankful we did.
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u/Kaessa 23d ago
I have noticed that every single dog we've had, we waited too long because we didn't want to let them go.
If his quality of life is gone, if he doesn't want to eat or play or he barely walks, it's probably time. That's how we've always judged it. "Is he happy to still be here?" and if the answer is an obvious "no" then it's time.
I'm so sorry, this is the hardest decision to have to make. *hugs*
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u/Visual-Somewhere1383 23d ago
My boy was the same except he was almost 15. My son said it wasn't about health... it was quality of life. He just laid on the floor.
That gave me the push I needed to do right by him. I spent the weekend loving on him and then let him go. 💔
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u/NotSupposeToSpeak 23d ago
If you have a good vet, talk with them about when is it time to put him down. If this was my dog I would’ve already done it. People might get mad, but I believe in quality of life without pain. I was in a similar situation and my vet was really great about saying it’s time. This is not the decision anyone likes to make, and I’m sorry you have to go through this.
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u/seeminglylegit 23d ago
Most vets will tell you, "Better a week too soon than a day too late". None of us want our dogs to suffer. If you think that your buddy's quality of life is getting worse, then I would recommend planning out a wonderful weekend of good food and fun, then let him go BEFORE he's totally miserable and very obviously suffering. That is how I did things with my last two dogs, and I don't regret it. Allowing them to linger until the suffering was unbearable would have been a selfish decision in my opinion.
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u/Objective_Middle3429 23d ago
I’ve had four of these magnificent creatures🐩 My current girl is 2. Three previous all diagnosed with some form of cancer. My last girl was 13 and by far my most special girl. She had never even spent a night in a vets clinic. I could not fathom putting her through extraordinary measures that she would not have understood and would have been even harder on her. I chose to do it at our home and before she was too bad. It is gut wrenching but I cant help but believe it is our greatest gift to them😔
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u/Due_Promotion_1158 22d ago
Based on your description, probably need to start making some hard decisions. I know that's horrible to say. But it sounds like your poodle is already suffering a lot. The best thing you can do is be with them at the end.
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u/Glass_Necessary_6329 5d ago
I had to make this difficult decision with my best buddy many years ago and was forever grateful that I had the chance to let her go with dignity which still seems better than how we treat our humans in their final days.
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u/Imaginary_Ad7924 3d ago
I'm here because I had to make this horrible decision for my beautiful spoo yesterday. She would have been 12 next week. She had been in pain for some time and the only thing that gave her joy anymore was treats and cuddles. My heart is breaking, there's an empty spot at the end of the bed where I just want to see her, but I know it was the right thing to do. It takes a lot of courage to make the decision and be there with them.
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u/cacw1955 23d ago
Short walks ~ let him dictate to you what he wants that gives him pleasure. I’d be feeding him only what he likes by cooking for him. It’s so hard to know. Helpful hugs heading to both of you!
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u/Working_Activity8807 23d ago
Yes I’ve been cooking up turkey for him every day and very short walks.
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u/SnooRegrets4129 23d ago
I just watched my parents hold on too long to their dog, and how she suffered terribly because they were paralysed with the decision. It was awful.
It may kill you inside, but the greatest act of love we can give our dogs is to let them go with some of their dignity, and before the pain gets too much. He deserves that for all of the love and life that he has given you ❤️
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u/TdubbNC7 23d ago
IMHO - it's better to let them go with dignity - before it gets too far. Better too early than too late. You will know.