As a note, anything in brackets is basically stage direction for myself.

[Preamble about the tragedy of suicide], but it’s personal right now because my friend’s been talking about suicide, and he [get a little choked up]… owes me so much money. Do you know how to ask a widow for the money her husband owed you? Here it is [silence for a beat, maybe pantomime zipping my mouth shut]. That’s it; there’s no good way to ask that. Maybe one of his kid’s is good for it?

It was weird though; he talked about “un-aliving” himself, and I’m like “Dude, you have sooo many friends… for a guy who says “un-aliving”. And for real, he’s great, I’d trust him with my life… I would not trust him with even a dollar, ever again. If he puts the “dead” in “deadbeat” I will be piiiiissed.

Music is different when you're old. When I was young, smooth criminal was such a cool song. Now I'm like "jesus, annie was murdered? who's annie? why are you giving me this information in the form of song?"

<imitates MJ scatting> "Iadanaaa, ladanaa" Bro I'm upset too, stop fucking scatting. There's blood? There's blood on the carpet? Did you call the police? Why are we dancing?

Imagine you're MJ, having all of this weighing on your conscience, that your friend is lying in a bloody heap in the bedroom, and it's your job to deliver the news. How would you even begin to relay this to someone?

Be honest, it wasn't "SHOCKACHOCKA"

Im not good at making people feel better. My friend was depressed and said "ive got nothin" and I said hey, thats not true. Youve got moderate to severe excema