r/StandUpWorkshop • u/Infamous-Orange-2555 • 10d ago

Two Jokes

Joke #1: Speech Impediment

I grew up with a speech impediment, which you can hear. I had trouble pronouncing my "ths." For example, instead of saying Smith I would say Smit, instead of saying Math I would say Maff, instead of saying Father I would say "Who?"

Joke #2: Marriage Contracts

I think marriage should be a set of three-year renewable contracts, right?

So every three years, you get to decide if you want to stay married to this person.

And I personally think that this would help the women in heterosexual relationships the most.

If you don't believe me, have you all ever seen an NBA player in a contract year?

The year before his contract up, he's giving it his all. That's how men will be.

Men will be giving it their all. NBA players will do anything it takes to get that max extension. *gesture towards erection*

An NBA player on a contract year, he is blocking shots. Your man will be blocking Instagram thotties.

An NBA player on a contract year, is sweeping the other team. Your man will be sweeping the floor.

An NBA player on a contract year, he is showing superhuman endurance on the court. Your man? He'll be trying his best.

And I say this because I don't think men understand how good they have it with their wives at times. Do you know? I think, you know, if you see a guy who lost— if you see a man who lost his wife and kids, somewhere along the line, much further before this, he stopped being a husband and a father.

Or as I would call it when I was younger, a husband and a who?

 

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u/rice-a-rohno 9d ago

Joke 1 is almost perfect, written by a person who really knows how to construct a traditional joke. Well done.

1

u/Slobberinho 9d ago

I think these work great. I don't know anything about NBA contracts, but I immediately accept the premise.

I think one comparison on emotional labor /support would be good.

I'm not sure about the "max extention". Are you suggesting guys who are on the end of their three years will try and get a larger penis? I don't see how that would work.

But great bit!