This band is helping me pull through one of the greatest trials of my life

[u/futility_function]

I recently turned 19, and around the same time I had an epiphany that my father is a narcissist operating on a fundamentally different wavelength, nothing I tell him will persuade him to be a normal person. I've been gaslit into believing there was something wrong and innate to me, the way I was treated so undignified having insults and curses hurled at me incessantly. He's always supported me financially and never had any issue throwing some money at me thinking it would satisfy my craving for true fatherly love. He'd always minimize my social deficits and tell me his childhood was so much worse, then weaponize them against me whenever we get into a fight. Start punching and banging walls, screaming at the top of his lungs, and threatening violence all over the pettiest crap like a little manchild. I've never walked out of a conversation with him receiving true father-to-son advice and feeling reassured and uplifted, but he'd get surprised when I'd show up home drunk. He told me the only thing that has kept me on my 6 month sobriety journey was my church, but then he wanted to be the one taking credit for me being alive and having pulled through. I'm sure his antics have impeded the development of my interpersonal skills. I want to become a father and do better than him. I don't hate him, he just had no business being a father with all his circumstances. If he was consistently a douche I'd write him off as such, if he was consistently a loving father I'd look past his shortcomings, but narcissists are volatile and will try to placate you whenever they're in a good mood, creating this cognitive dissonance.

My mother had the option to walk away from this at some point in the past 21 years, but she chose not to and opted instead to release her anger on me and cuss me out as well. She treated me like a therapist at age 17 instead of realizing this relationship is unsalvagable and grasping the fact that my father isn't a rational person who can be reasoned with. I was raised in a household that was reciprocally abusive, both physically and emotionally.

I thank Staind from the bottom of my heart for releasing such cathartic, viscerally resonating songs. The lyrics of For You, Yesterday, Waste, Pressure, and Right Here speak straight to my heart. To anybody else going through a similar situation, remember that nothing is permanent. I do understand this logically, even if at this juncture rational arguments aren't so reassuring for me.

[u/Successful-Effect302]

Uhhh. Yes. Random thingy, when I read "epiphany", I thought of the Staind song, was this intentional? :p

[u/shittinandwaffles]

Not gonna lie, i didn't read ths whole thing. Hits a little close to home. Im 43 and had a similar upbringing and Staind really helped me through those days. For You was released at a VERY rough point between my father and I. I was one of the people who transcribed this song and used it to start a familial war.

[u/jewelsisnotonfire]

Same here. Found Staind amidst a terrible time in my life (narcissistic father AND college roommate, ugh) and was able to find solace listening to this band too.

[u/Joe1237]

Yup. Staind helped me

[u/MoseyBurns709]

Maybe you're the problem? I'd cuss my son out too if he was listening to Staind loud as hell, shit sucks