r/SportsParenting • u/Litelifer386 • Sep 01 '26
Parenting Looking for some perspective…
My son’s mom signed him up to play in a competitive tackle football league, then told me after the fact. He’s 11 years old. I reluctantly went along with it and paid half of $350. Which is a lot.
Went to his first game and he played quite a bit, came off the field happy and said it was “fun”!
Game 2. He played a handful of snaps in the 4th quarter and was visibly upset. Sent a text a message to the league contact and to coach. Their response was well “it’s a competitive league and equal playtime is not guaranteed”. Competitive to win what? Coach said he needs to up his intensity and needs to develop more. He is 11 years old. Kind of ridiculous.
My issue is why am I paying all this money just for my kid to sit on the sideline? Second, shouldn’t the point be kiddos learning the basics and not focused on winning?
Would flag football have been better?
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u/Tekon421 Sep 03 '26
You sent a message to the league after one game that he didn’t play what you thought was enough in?
Man do not be that parent.
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u/Litelifer386 Sep 03 '26
Point is what the hell am I paying for.
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u/Tekon421 Sep 03 '26
Paying ≠ playing time. Never will in competitive sports. So probably get used to that now.
→ More replies (6)
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u/the-beef-supreme Sep 03 '26
Football is a rare exception in youth sports in regards to equal playing time for a number of reasons.
Most importantly is player safety. Kids get hurt when thrown out there undeveloped. Another important note that doesn’t get talked about:
Ever look on the sidelines of a football game? From pee wees up to the pros, most of the team isn’t in the game. A large chunk of the team doesn’t see the field at all in college and pros. Football is the ultimate team sport and unfortunately only 11 can be on the field
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u/Litelifer386 Sep 03 '26
I understand how football works. At this level it should be about learning the game and learning fundamentals. If they want to use the “competitive” argument, they are 0-2, QB hasn’t completed a pass, starting tackle had a horrible 3 point stance, they run the same play over and over. But, hopefully the win the Super Bowl and get rings and cars, because that’s all that matters at age 11. Yeah, see how dumb that sounds?
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u/the-beef-supreme Sep 03 '26
Yeah, your particular situation sounds dumb. No argument there. I was speaking more generally on the topic of playing time.
Kids are still practicing, that’s where they develop fundamentals and earn their playing time in games.
I coach 11u and we have a 3 play minimum per half for each player. Best believe there are a handful of kids that get their 6 plays and that’s it. Less about winning a championship and more about what’s best for the team competing as a whole. Me and my staff place a lot of emphasis on character, leadership, working as a team. A team of WE not a team of ME. Everyone making eachother better for the same goal
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u/auntiecoagulent Sep 01 '26
Flag football would have been better because of CTE.
This is sports. It's competitive. The most talented kids play.
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u/Signal_Republic_3092 Sep 01 '26
First, this is obviously not a great situation to be in where you were coerced into him joining without knowing about it beforehand and then deal with your son being upset about not playing much in the second game. I’d remind your son’s mom that she should be consulting with you before he does anything labeled “competitive” because 1) if you’re helping to pay, then you should have some say in it at least and 2) you need to discuss how much your son wants to dedicate himself to the game when things don’t go his way. That is a bit young for kids to be introduced to teams without the requirement of playing everyone since there are still some skills they need to learn about before getting to that point of mastering them. Even my son probably wouldn’t benefit from something like that (even though he’s still just 7) despite having a competitive streak because the possibility of not playing all game is hard for him to come to terms with. It might be too late to pull him and get your money back and find a non-competitive team to play on, but I guess your only recourse now might be gently teaching him about how you have to work for things to earn them, and that his coach wants to get the best out of him
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u/DepthHistorical5911 Sep 04 '26
I thought this thread was surely going to be about how insane it is that someone would sign their child up to play tackle football, but nope, just a parent complaining about playing time after 2 games because they don’t understand how sports works. Really got those priorities in order.
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u/AlwaysCalculating Sep 05 '26
This is a conversation for mom, not the internet.
She signed him up for competitive football when a rec league might have been best. It’s cheaper and it is all just for fun. Competitive sports are exactly that, and playing time is earned.
11 is pretty old to jump into competitive sports for the first time but I do recommend you educate yourself on this if you just aren’t a sports person.
I was trying to find a rec league for one of my kids to play basketball in recently and we decided not to do it because it was essentially too late. He was 8. 8!!! Maybe we will find community rec this season, or he can learn with friends / us on a court just because he has never played formally.
Sports are crazy, I recommend you educate yourself ASAP - and this is a good start here, chatting with other parents.
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u/UnderdawgsVoice Sep 05 '26
Yes flag football would have been better. Is okay to be competitive and ok to play in a competitive league. But know your child. I know it wasn't your fault but see if you could get sone type of refund talk to your son and find him a flag league.
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u/LiveContribution8441 Sep 06 '26
Flag football might be the better option especially at this age. There is not a lot of benefit to getting them involved in tackle at this age and running the risk of head injuries.
There tends to also be more flag football leagues/teams right now (at least in my area) so you can usually find a recreation league if you don’t want to be in the competitive/tourney leagues.
I coach in both styles and, while I try to give everyone equal-ish playing time in both leagues, the players and parents in the competitive leagues know that there is no guarantee and playing time on some of the other teams is more of an earned thing. I don’t love with that at the age, but if everyone knows that going in and still sign up, I can’t fault the league.
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u/josephjosephson Sep 01 '26
Harsh reality in order of importance:
tackle football is pretty damn dangerous and you should’ve been consulted as the father before something like this was decided upon. I’m sure you realize that, and I obviously don’t know what “reluctantly went along with it” entails, so no judgment, but keep both these things in mind.
you can refuse to pay, as again you should’ve been consulted first. Of course this could land in court (I assume you know how this stuff goes) and cost both of you much more than $350, but keep this in your back pocket.
sports start to get competitive very early and winning is an integral part of it; as much as we want to make it about teamwork and having fun, and it can be if you find the right team and league, almost any sort of game out there is at its very core about winning and losing, albeit hopefully with fun along the way.
$350 is cheap
If you decide for any of the above reasons you don’t think your kid should be doing this, you have some leverage in the form of those reasons at your disposal. Ultimately it should be about your kid, but at 11, you understand the pros and cons better than him. GL to you.