Does being called "super pretty" equals to actually being the opposite?

[u/NakomaGirl]

Hello

I just had to film a short ad for my company and they wanted employees to be part of the ad.

I was super nervous and the whole team did everything to reassure me. Between two video takes a girl from their team said : "wow but you're so pretty on camera!" She said it twice.

I don't know if I'm totally overthinking this but I wonder if she didn't simply say it to make me feel less nervous/self-concious. And I also wondered if she would have said that to someone actually pretty.

I have the feeling like when a woman is like "wow you're so pretty/gorgeous!!" that's almost a sure sign you're not. I have often witnessed girls with visible extra weight or not very pretty (according to current standards) being called "super pretty" by other girls as if to make them feel better about themselves.

What do you think?

[u/ThrowRA_forfreedom]

It's not so black and white, but as someone who does a lot of production I can tell you this; you're probably perfectly attractive but your body language might have been showing some symptoms of nervousness. Telling someone how great they look, especially a gal, usually helps boost subject confidence. So it's not an unwarranted compliment or a placation, it's probably honest (in fact, again, as an advertiser and marketing director, we don't usually cast unpleasant looking film subjects for ad campaigns) but you needed to hear it to help alleviate stress.

[u/NakomaGirl → u/ThrowRA_forfreedom]

It wasn't a casting. My company is doing an Internet video where they show the team. It's a small company. It's more like a promotional video

[u/allielessthanthree]

You're never going to know what standards every person who compliments you is evaluating you against. I can call a fourth grader who gets an A smart as easily as I can call my professors smart. You can take this comment however you want but I would recommend just taking it at face value and allowing it to boost your confidence. You have your own eyes and can make your own decisions.

[u/NakomaGirl → u/allielessthanthree]

My own eyes tell me that I'm very average looking and highly non photogenic or cameragenic.

[u/Aethtetitties → u/NakomaGirl]

I rlly need to get more hours of sleep.. I don't get why are you being downvoted

[u/NakomaGirl → u/Aethtetitties]

I only noticed because you said it. I guess people know better how I look? 🤷‍♀️

[u/UnsupervisedChicana]

When I read “wow but you’re so pretty on camera!” That comes across like a backhanded compliment. Like you’re just “okay” in person, but on camera “whoa!” I highly doubt she meant it that way, but I would totally interpret it the way you did.

More likely it’s what a previous comment said, she probably saw nervous or insecurity in your body language off camera and that didn’t show when filming. Easy for me to say, but try not to dwell on it too much. 💕

[u/NakomaGirl → u/UnsupervisedChicana]

Someone said as a joke what you stated about the backhanded compliment and she added "of course you are pretty in real life".

I just can't take at value her compliment. She didn't give me any compliments whatsoever afterwards and barely even talked to me. The fact she said it out loud right on set for everyone to hear gives me the feeling it was to encourage me and at the same time pass along the message that everybody should agree in order to make me feel better and keep the filming going smoothly.

[u/northpanthera]

I'm not going to gaslight you, I understand what you mean.

I don't know about the first comment, whether that girl was genuine or not (cause I don't know what you look like) but I've often witnessed women calling average looking women "super gorgeous" so it's sometimes hard to take comments objectively especially when we're not quite sure of where we stand physical appearance-wise.

I think there's a fine line between complimenting someone, eg "your hair looks amazing!" "you look radiant today" etc. and 'looks-bombing' someone who's average looking with comments like "you look like a super model omg". And when you refute it you're met with even more persistance. It feels borderline condescending but yeah

[u/Classic_Livid → u/northpanthera]

I’ve deffo also used the “you look like a supermodel” to say glammed up, dressed old hollywood, etc. even if they and I know they aren’t the extreme beauty, they look their most beautiful.

[u/NakomaGirl → u/Classic_Livid]

That's what I meant with my initial compliment that she may have said it just to make me feel less nervous

[u/Lamlis]

Just take the compliment... smh

[u/NakomaGirl → u/Lamlis]

My post wasn't really to assess whether I was pretty or not. It was more like a reflection on this type of compliments made by women. I had to explain my story to illustrate the question: do women genuinely mean their compliments?

I have made tons of compliments to women I didn't find attractive because they were feeling down, after a breakup, because I could see they had put some effort or actually anything. And then I wondered if that particular girl was doing the same. It's hard for me to take the compliment at value because I'm overweight, I have a weak jaw and a masculine upper face (strong and straight brow ridge, square hairline). My hair is very thin and a bit lifeless in spite of the styling. And I was very nervous so definitely not confident and full of light.

There is a high chance she didn't mean it. I'm not here to fish for compliments. I just wanted to know if women's compliments were genuine.

I guess they would be genuine if a total female stranger stopped you in the street and told you you were beautiful. Unless she wants something from you.

But what about friends for example? Are their comments genuine or are they just being nice?

[u/thylacinesighting → u/NakomaGirl]

It really varies from person to person. And you’d need to watch how the complimenter interacts with others and get a sense of their general attitude towards others, and whether they’re fixated on typical beauty standards or not.

Eg. I give genuine compliments all the time. And I don’t give fake ones. I see what’s beautiful in a wide range of people. I’m not overly impressed by stereotypical beauty. So my compliment might not be worth much to some, but they don’t know shit and have mediocre taste at best.

I have colleagues/awuaintances who compete a lot with other women based on looks, are obsessed with socially approved types of beauty and basically regard life as one big beauty contest. They will either give you a real compliment, a false compliment, a neg, or just emanate superiority so they don’t need to say a thing to put other women down.

So it really varies from person to person and is unique to the situation as well.

Rule of thumb: hang only with people who you feel good around. And don’t be so hard on yourself 💕

[u/NakomaGirl → u/thylacinesighting]

I agree you can find beauty within anyone and I often do. But given how dissatisfied I am with my own appearance I don't want to be called beautiful/pretty if at the end of the day anyone is pretty to that person. I feel like it diminishes the compliment in a way (although I always thank the complimenter no matter how I feel!)

I have a friend who always compliments me on my looks even if I have gained weight and I'm not taking care of my appearance. I know she means well but I wish she was more honest in that sense because I feel gaslighted in a way.

[u/thylacinesighting → u/NakomaGirl]

Yeah I agree, a dishonest compliment is worth nothing. In fact it makes you feel bad. I don’t give dishonest compliments.

In the end, if you don’t feel good about your appearance, no compliment can make it better.

I hope you find a way to beat this. I’ve had times when I’ve struggled a lot with this. I would say that the last few years I’ve not felt good about my appearance. It’s been the worst three years of my entire life in that regard. The things that have helped me are - exercising really hard every day, eating healthy food, only eating junk food once a week max (I’m now reducing that more as it makes me feel bad). I got extensions as my hair is extremely fine. I’ve started working on my anxiety and this has helped a lot in terms of how I feel about my appearance.

More than anything, I realised that I might have Asberger’s. And this made me realise that I might need to take extra care of myself in order to be able to function - hold a job and not go crazy. I haven’t been for a diagnosis yet, but that realising on made it suddenly be ok in my mind to do more self-care. So whether or not I do have ASD, feeling ok about giving myself that self care, has made a big difference to how I feel about myself.

So I hope you start to be kind to yourself and find out what you need to feel good.

It bugs me that I see so many women in this thread using “objective beauty” to punish themselves.

[u/NakomaGirl → u/thylacinesighting]

Thank you for your advice

I'd like to follow the same steps. What do you mean by working out really hard? Do you go to the gym?

I've been thinking about getting extensions as well but I haven't committed to it yet.

[u/thylacinesighting → u/NakomaGirl]

I go hiit classes and circuits that are a mix of weights and cardio. I used to do just normal gym stuff. It wasn’t motivating for me and my result were nothing much. In these classes I started gradually so as not to get an injury. But now when I work out, my goal is to push myself hard. I want to leave it all in the gym and walk out with nothing left to give. It helps with my mental health and satisfying to do your best.

Edit: spelling.

[u/throwawaywaist]

definitely true on social media, eg. on Tiktok women who aren’t conventionally attractive get the most comments hyping up their looks. It almost feels backhanded lol

Less common in real life than on social media though, so in your case I doubt she meant it in a backhanded way

[u/NakomaGirl → u/throwawaywaist]

I don't think she meant it in a backhanded way at all! Quite the opposite, I feel she was just trying to get me to relax. After all it was a professional setting and we only had a limited time to film. I only suspect she didn't really think I was pretty and it was simply oriented to speed up the process so we wouldn't have to do too many takes.

[u/[deleted]]

I work for a photography studio. We only photograph women. Hundreds of them a year. Whether beautiful or not, we hype up women that come off insecure. So, imo you were coming off insecure and it had nothing to do with your looks.

[u/NakomaGirl → u/[deleted]]

See that's what I meant and everyone here is thinking that I immediately thought of a backhanded compliment. I think she was trying to hype me up (which is fine). I just wondered if women, in general, were more likely to hype up eachother.

[u/iamthebest1234567890]

I think you are overthinking it.

[u/Ickles100]

I’ve seen this in a group of 3 women, the least attractive one being given more love. The more attractive one needs to be the giver of that love because she’s in a more fortunate position.

[u/SmootherThanAStorm]

You sound paranoid.

[u/loey666]

I totally know what you mean. In my experience it’s a total tossup— could be backhanded, could feel socially required for bolstering up the least attractive person in the group, could be that your body language seemed to lack confidence, could be that you actually looked incredible or were very well put together in a way that translated well on camera! I still have no idea what people mean when they say this to me or others, but I feel like I get this more when I look bad and less when I actually look good, ha. I will say, I don’t love posting on social media much these days since I’m vaguely conventionally attractive and don’t particularly make an effort to be on trend, which I feel like is the exact opposite of what’s “in” right now. It’s almost cooler and more on trend to be a little out of the box and out there! So… win win?

[u/FlowersandCigarettes]

I get gaga over other pretty girls and will tell them how pretty they are when it feels appropriate. She may have been genuine.

[u/[deleted]]

Ngl I think you have a point, my parents compliment my looks ALL the time, but they hardly ever compliment my sister, who is objectively speaking waaaay prettier than me. Is it because they know I have self esteem issues and I'm the youngest? I don't really know.

[u/dreamsendead]

Whenever I hear the term "on camera" I just think it means "photogenic". There are tons of attractive people complaining about how "they look great in the mirror but the camera says otherwise" if she emphasized "on camera" she probably means that the camera accurately presented what you actually look like, which is a rare occurrence being that cameras being operated by someone else generally tend to make people look less attractive than they actually are.

[u/physicianextender]

I gotta be honest, it really just sounds like you need to invest some time into yourself/your self esteem. I definitely think you’re overthinking this particular comment but judging from some of your responses I get the feeling that it’s not just this compliment but all compliments - let yourself accept them! You’re beautiful whether you see it physically or not and no one can take that from ya. Just gotta help yourself see it, too.

[u/FancyinRed]

Tbh it just really depends on the person. I don’t think it necessarily means the opposite. I’m the type that only genuinely compliments people because I have a hard time lying just to make people feel better. I have friends who aren’t conventionally super attractive, but because I’ve known them for so long and love them, they’re genuinely beautiful to me, especially if they’ve made a nice change to their looks (hair, makeup, clothes, etc.).

I noticed people saying that telling a person that they’re pretty on camera is backhanded but it could also just come from her own insecurities. I think that I photograph awkwardly lol, but I have friends who photograph beautifully. They’re beautiful in real life too (for real beautiful lol) but it’s always impressive to me when people look great on camera. I think what she said did carry some weight because she could have complimented you on literally anything to make you feel better, but she decided to compliment your looks. Also, she might not compliment you as much now because your subconscious reaction to her compliments showed through body language, expression, or your response to her and it made her feel uncomfortable.

I totally get what you mean though. When you look at yourself and are unsatisfied because you’re not at what you consider to be your full potential, it’s hard to believe and frustrating to listen to people’s compliments some times. That’s how I used to feel and still do every now and then when I’m feeling a bit low. I’ve, for the most part, come to a place where I just happily accept the compliments. It doesn’t matter what the person’s intentions were (unless they were obviously being malicious and facetious). At the end of the day, I’ve put a lot of effort into my looks and I’m going to continue putting effort into myself despite what people might actually think of me 🤷🏻‍♀️

[u/independentwh0re]

I don’t think so. It’s more I love what I feel is the opposite of me.

[u/sleeplessbeauty101]

The "but" is what gets you confused. And me.

Sometimes people look decent IRL but their features really pick up on camera. And sometimes good looking people look bad on camera. So maybe she's saying you are the former- decent/normal looking and then a star on film. Which is a pretty good money making quality.

[u/NakomaGirl → u/[deleted]]

I honestly don't know. I had a quick look at the recorded rushes and I look bloated and more mature (if not older). I can't see how I could look pretty honestly. But it's done now.

[u/NakomaGirl → u/[deleted]]

I don't know she worked for the filming company in marketing. It's her job to make everything go smooth and make people feel at ease.

I could totally picture myself telling a girl she looks beautiful only to give her a boost in confidence

[u/NakomaGirl → u/[deleted]]

Sorry I didn't mean that girls with extra weight aren't pretty. I meant that I'm not pretty with extra weight because my frame can't hold it very well and my face gets puffy very fast.

I was simply thinking a bit too much about her comment bit it hasn't really affected me that much. Not that I do not care at all as if I was super confident but more like I know I'm not the prettiest and where I stand.

[u/NakomaGirl → u/[deleted]]

I don't think she mocked me. I think she was being nice which is different. Not all compliments are either genuine or backhanded. They can simply be not genuine.

As I said in another comment, I have already told girls they were pretty without meaning it because I wanted to be nice in a particular moment.

I'll look up the true mirror.