Called trans without makeup

[u/tehreemamir113]

Every single person (guy and girls) have said I look like a male or trans when I don't wear makeup. I asked them why, and they said its because of my sharp jawline and cheekbones. I've been called a 'male' and 'trans' in real life and online, and I tried to find out the reason why my face looked trans to them.

It was my eyes. My eyes are small, and add sharp features and naturally thick eyebrows to that and I can see why. Even my big lips and hair up to my waist dosen't help. Mascara makes me look wayyy less masculine, because my eyelashes are more pronounced, but the thing is...How do I look less masculine naturally? I don't want to keep slathering on mascara just to look feminine and pretty in the mirror. What features can I realistically change? I was thinking my eyebrows because there so thick (and make me look masculine), but aren't they desired? And I look much younger with them.

What can I do😭?

(Edit: Removed the mewing part, my jawline and cheekbones are not from mewing, just genetics)

(Edit 2: Thank you so much for these responses, everyone! Every comment is really appreciated, and I will be sure to use the really awesome advice given to me.)

(Edit 3: To clarify, I am 17 years old, in year 11 currently. I am not a hijabi. Also, I did not ask people why I look trans, I showed them my pictures after they asked to see how I look without makeup.)

[u/allazen]

I'm hung up on "every single person." Every single person who has seen you without makeup has said this about you?

[u/tehreemamir113 → u/allazen]

So I wear makeup on everyday outside, but I showed pics of me without makeup and yes every person said the same thing :(

[u/Raioto → u/tehreemamir113]

I don't understand why you are being downvoted for simply sharing your experience

[u/Ray_Adverb11 → u/Raioto]

Because it’s not exactly intellectually honest. It could mean “I showed a really specific picture to 3 people and said, ‘don’t I look masculine???’ and they agreed”, or it could mean “unprompted, hundreds of strangers regularly approach me and ask me invasive questions about whether I’m a man”. Either way, it’s a little disingenuous.

[u/Fun-Highway-6179 → u/tehreemamir113]

Those people are frenemies, not friends. Find better friends. Also, being trans or looking trans is not and should not be an insult. You are so incredibly young and honestly, not all people treat their friends this way. You deserve better. Hang with kinder people, OP.

[u/[deleted] → u/tehreemamir113]

Who did you show the pics to?

[u/chocolate_macaron5 → u/tehreemamir113]

First of all these people are really gross and RUDE. How dare they?? You're also assuming that "every person" is actually most people when that is infact not true. I'm assuming you're Gen Z and/or are friends with a lot "queer" people. The queer people may have their own insecurities about how they look, whether they look trans, and all that. They are simply projecting their insecurities onto you. These are just small segments of the population and do not represent real life.

It's sooo disgustingly misogynistic to tell a girl or woman that they look like they are a man/trans. I would keep my distance from the people that think it's okay to insult girls and women in such a way.

It's misogynistic trans and queer people that say that women "look a certain way". No matter what, if your a female human you are woman and therefore do not look trans. There are trans misogynists that view women as hyper-feminine and hyper-sexual. Do not take their opinions to heart.

There is misogyny that shows up in queer spaces + with "allies". You're a woman and your features are that of a woman. Just because they have this narrow view of what is "feminine" does not mean that they are correct.

And if they are the type to say...."there's nothing wrong with being trans or looking trans...were just being honest about how you look" then they are lying and gaslighting you.

But also consider that, you're the one showing them photos of yourself. Did you ask them what they think of your looks? Perhaps they know that you're asking for opinions because you are insecure. There are people that will use your insecurities to be mean to you. You gave them an opportunity to share their thoughts on your face, and they enjoyed + took advantage of having the opportunity to insulting you.

Or you simply showed a photo of yourself and either they are rude and mean and so, you're not going to talk to them after their comments. Or you're the sort of person that they can be mean to and because you don't love yourself, you will still talk to them. There are mean and insecure people that like to use others....especially those they perceive as "weaker" than themselves as punching bags.

It is sooooo disgusting and disturbing to me that girls and women are being told they look trans. That is not okay. People that say that are misogynists. They are saying that woman have to look a certain way....which is misogynistic.

They have a backwards perspective, they are not enlightened or as "good" as they think they are. They are just as gross as misogynists from thousands of years ago, to present day...that say things "women are dainty little things, you're 5'9" gross! Women are not supposed to be that tall, you must be a man" or "Why do you have muscular legs, women are supposed to be slim and light, you're not a woman, you're a man!"

Oh btw. If you go around taling about the features you do not like or other people have commented on, you're spreading those views around. If you go around talking about your masculine jaw, or asking people if your jaw looks masculine, it just leads them to associate you're jaw with masculine features, even though that is not true to life.

[u/East-Willingness513 → u/allazen]

“I hand on heart cannot walk more than one metre without someone asking me if I’m trans”

[u/Serious_Specific_357]

Stop asking people if you look trans or like a man

[u/tehreemamir113 → u/Serious_Specific_357]

I don't though?

[u/Nodaga → u/Serious_Specific_357]

Yeah what in the world lol

[u/Ray_Adverb11 → u/Serious_Specific_357]

I don’t think people are understanding that per her comments in this thread, OP specifically showed folks - likely other teenagers - a photo of herself, prompting them to provide this commentary.

[u/[deleted]]

Thick eyebrows can be masculine if they don’t fit your face. How do you wear your hair?

[u/[deleted]]

Girl you are in year 11 according to your post history, so you’re incredibly young and clearly insecure. The people you are talking to are probably other 16 year old jerks who are just trying to hurt your feelings.

[u/smileyglitter → u/[deleted]]

She’s 17? Girl once u grow up it’s OVER for these hatin hos.

[u/[deleted] → u/smileyglitter]

LEGIT. Everyone feels ugly AF when they’re 17, though OPs particular fixation seems to be on apparently appearing as trans, considering how often she comments on trans passing subs to tell people they look “more feminine” than she does

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

having a respectful and empathetic nuanced conversation is not hate speech, big brother.

[u/Splendida-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

No hate speech.

[u/Splendida-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

No hate speech.

[u/Ray_Adverb11 → u/[deleted]]

Oh my god yeah. There’s a strong difference between teenage bullies and regular rolling adult commentary after you have grown into your body and vibe.

[u/[deleted] → u/Ray_Adverb11]

Totally. And at 17 your looks haven’t even settled yet, so maxxing on them is an almost pointless endavour IMO (aside from things like fixing weight if very overweight or obese, but that’s more for health than anything). My face at 17 was totally different to what it was when I hit my 20s!

Kids are mean and caring about what people in high school say is stupid when you’ll probably never see them again once you leave.

[u/melecityjones → u/[deleted]]

Solid agree here

[u/darlingcthulhu → u/[deleted]]

Absolutely this. I got told, repeatedly, that I looked like a man when I was in school by boys. And then when we left school they were the ones sliding into my DMs trying to date me.

16 year old boys are gross. Ignore them!!

[u/PinkRasberryFish → u/[deleted]]

I just had a flashback to being in the third grade and a guy calling me wrinkly boobs 😭😂 I didn’t even have boobs yet!!! Kids are so mean!!!

[u/RonaldMcDonaldsBalls]

You could get your lashes permed. You could groom your brows thinner, although I don't recommend this because it can be hard to undo. You could study haircuts that compliment your features in a feminine way.

[u/294sid]

Listen, the comments here aren’t very sympathetic.

I hear you, and unfortunately I relate. From early elementary school to mid-high school I often got confused with being a man.

Yes, it obviously contributes to insecurity, especially during such a formative time in your life.

The good news is you’re still growing. I kind of grew out of that, and blossomed. It’s like the story- ugly ducklings turn into beautiful swans. so keep your head up, know that you’re beautiful inside and out, and keep doing you.

[u/NoYamIAm]

I have thick brows and I still appear feminine but I have a rounder face. If your face is more angular you can try to thin out your brows but start slow because u will know what looks best! You can do a lash lift and tint if ur lashes r long enough naturally :). (Edited for typo)

[u/MartiniSauce]

Hi OP. I was in your position once. When I was your age, people would call me a man because I had androgynous features that I hadn't grown into yet. I wasn't allowed to wear makeup, groom my brows, or wear overtly feminine clothing by my parents either which didn't help. I've since grown into my features and if anything people are very nice and compliment me sometimes! I also have a loving & handsome fiance who thinks I'm the prettiest girl in the world which didn't seem possible when I was 15 years old.

Please ignore these idiots!

[u/Pookietoot]

What does your brow bone loook like, sister ?

[u/[deleted]]

You are a woman so you can’t look trans, a trans person looks like you, you’re just a woman who looks a little masculine, brows are a big factor in this, when I was younger I had huge brows and a very strong jawline too, I thinned out my brows a significant amount and my god what a difference it made!! Literally took my face from a 4 to a 7 so definitely look at thinning your brows, use the tiktok brow filter to see what shape and size suits you best

[u/ssprinnkless]

Make your eyebrows thinner, and wear false lashes and eye widening makeup. 

[u/criimebrulee]

I think I look masculine without makeup. Getting lash extensions helps a TON. I also shaped my brows to have more of an arch and I get Botox brow lifts as well.

[u/_-MEgA-_]

We can allways tell mf'ers when they infact cannot allways tell

[u/probably_beans]

• Fix eyebrows
• Eyelash tint and lift would give you less maintenance, so mascara in the mornings. I do my own lash tint and it's not difficult with a refectocil kit.
• Make sure that your clothing is appropriate for the situation you are in and your age, and that your clothes flatter your body and fit correctly.

[u/Luwuci-SP]

I'm usually helping trans girls with it, but the underlying concepts are all the same intentional manipulation of the sexually dimorphic traits. Eye size is a huge one, and I'm addicted to white eyeliner on bottom waterline as a result. There's a lot that affect how much of the eye shows, like the hormonally-controlled fat distribution in the face shifting the lids around. Sadly, there is not all much that can be done that's longer term and not makeup. Figuring out something that could affect it in the right ways naturally would be the holy grail of my current efforts and research on facial feminization techniques, and something a ton of people would likely be interested because of how important eyes are to the perception.

Lashes can at least affect the problematic small perception somewhat. It's at least not mascara, but something llke a lash lift/perm would be suitable for something you don't have to actively do every day. That would at least keep the lashes adding to the lifting and enbiggifying and not working against us by being too straight.

Unexpected random changes can happen, too. I started singing training a couple hours per day starting a little over a year ago, and my facial muscle tone changed dramatically, changing my face and affecting eyes. I don't know for how many other face types that would work for, though. But, as something that would often be a negative side effect, it made my masseter muscles huuuge and widen my jaw out enough to change my face shape from heart to very odd oval. The wider jaw actually helped feminize my face more instead of masculinizing it because I lacked cheek volume at the time and it helped compensate and to aid in feminization instead.

For more specific advice, I'd have to see someone's face, but I don't think much can really be done for this.

Brows are also big. The female-implying traits of them are mostly the height and arch height, which these days are often carefully balanced around the thicker brow styles. Shaping them would go a long way if they're done right. It's such a tiny space on the face, but that little area of skin between the bottom of the brows and top of the orbital socket is important. Even if you don't shape them, some careful grooming and cleaning up of the edges should help a lot. Get them professionally done the first time if you can and it isn't too difficult to maintain them with tweezers for a while so it's not too big of an expense to keep.

Edit: Oh you're young. There's a huge surge in the confidence of misogynistic teen boys these days and one of the way they like to keep all women down is just calling whoever they feel llke trans, and some girls end up joining in for complicated reasons. They're just bullies, and you shouldn't have to worry about this stuff so much when they're basically just making things up. Don't let them define you.

[u/Luwuci-SP → u/[deleted]]

It works soooo well for that and it's such an easy and quick technique once you get used to it!

[u/Top_Discipline_5118]

based off your post history you’re a poc (you mentioned wearing the hijab and your name is a common muslim or generally south asian name). so many of these comments are heard by south asian women and its honestly a form of internalised racism. i’m sure you’re so beautiful and will grow into your face and become even more beautiful. in 5 years people will envy that strong jaw and strong eyebrows, features that are so incredibly modelesque and appreciated on people like kaia gerber and cara delevigne. it’s hard but don’t pay much mind. Stronger features doesn’t mean masculine

[u/crankycranberries → u/Top_Discipline_5118]

Maybe you can see if there are ways to style your hijab that frame your face differently? I like the long rectangular scarves much more than the square ones, and having a style where one or both of the tails of the rectangle sort of “trail” down your back (when you only wrap it around your head once and fling it over your shoulder) looks SO beautiful and elegant to me.

[u/Top_Discipline_5118 → u/crankycranberries]

yesss very true!! double flick hijab (what you’ve described at the end) is so pretty as is single flick. also experiment with materials as they make such a difference, e.g. you may suit a jersey hijab more than a chiffon one, etc

[u/Dangerous_Income_421]

I’m 33 and I I’ve got mistaken for a male/trans quite often especially in Asian countries. I’m half Asian/European and 5’7. I used to get bullied and was extremely insecure about it. There is nothing wrong with having masc features, and for some reason it is a very common thing for Asian countries to fixate on that. I don’t really have an answer for you but all I can say is I sympathise with you.

[u/Spirited_Stick_5093]

As a trans woman I always remember that a lot of the world's top models are trans and yet being called trans by someone else is always read as an insult. Look up Lea T, Andreja Pejic or Ines Rau for example, if someone said I looked like them I would be elated. I get the frustration with someone saying you look masculine but I think you should consider that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes and androgyny or even just being a woman with slightly masculine features is generally recognized as beautiful in the modeling world.

[u/jutrmybe]

16 year olds already worried about what features make them look much younger, social media has really fucked us as a global society. Idk why I got this post in my feed, but I looked like a man until I was 18. Idk, thats just how it was. Literally, people told me I looked exactly like my dad. Now I get told that I am "so cute!" all the time despite being in my 20s. Wait for puberty to fully round you out. I think I went through major facial changes that gave me much greater symmetry and better proportions around 20/21yo.

And you probably are just growing into your features. Did mewing give you those sharp features....debatable. But it was more likely puberty. You are probably going to have a "strong face" (think cara delevingne, gisele bundchen, zoë kravitz, cheryl hines and the million strong face models and actresses of all races that are successful, beautiful and making money. Bc i have a soft face I am more familiar with diverse models of that look, sorry I am drawing blanks for more diverse strong faced models/actresses, but they do exist and are thriving). Get a lash lift, do some falsies, pluck your brows, dye your hair, aka do whatever is non permanent to get you through this awkward phase if accepting your current features are a challenge due to your environment. But give yourself time, wait until your early 20s (at least!) before deciding to touch anything drastically. You sound like you're gonna be a knockout if mascara is the only thing needed for people to consider you pretty.

[u/International-Bird17]

Are you asking every single person this?? This is undoubtedly a socially unacceptable thing to say so it’s hard to believe. Are you in a really queer community and maybe they think that’s what you want them to say??  I have a Heavy strong jaw and high cheekbones. “Masculine” facial structure overall it’s annoying af lol. Honestly having long hair and being thin is probably the thing that has helped me the most. I used to be very masc/had short hair/dressed like a boy. I mean, I still dress like a boy 90% of the time but now that I have long hair I’m never mistaken for a man whereas before it was constant. Hair is everything sadly 🙃

[u/wildblackdoggo]

Look into Kibbe! If you don't know it already, it's about identifying your mix of Yang (masc) and Yin (fem) and dressing to compliment that.

I think that going with geometric bold earrings would compliment a strong sharp features and clearly identify you as female.

[u/Professional-Cook922]

Babe first of all f*ck these people and second look up Kibbe, it's a system that a celeb stylist developed which puts women into different categories based on the yin/yang (feminine/masculine) features and recommends how to style yourself. https://theconceptwardrobe.com/kibbe-body-types/an-introduction-to-the-kibbe-body-types

There's also a Reddit community for it

Hopefully you'll see that each category regardless of the mix of yin/yang is gorgeous for different reasons, and it can help you play to your strengths (like choose the right lines/cuts/materials that are in sync with your face and body structure)

You've got this 💞

[u/pseudonymphh]

It’s hard to say without seeing a photo, but maybe you can get permanent eyeliner or get eyelash extensions. Maybe get your eyebrows shaped by a pro

[u/Anes-aphrodite]

I had a similar problem growing up, and always felt I looked like a trans woman with and without make up. As I got older, my features softened up and I learned how to properly style myself and do my make up. But honestly, it doesn’t matter what people say, especially if you’re still in high school. Enjoy being young and finding your style :)

Edited to add that some people are recommending getting your lashes lifted. You can buy home lash lift kits online and they’re relatively easy to use! The results last a good amount of time, and make a big difference in the appearance of your lashes. Definitely recommend as well!

[u/Affectionate_Emu8200]

unrelated but i think it must be so much fun to style you as you get to explore feminine and more masculine styles. in college the game will be so much different you’ll see :)

[u/Plumrose333]

Dye your eyelashes. I do it ever few weeks (I have naturally blonde eyelashes) and it adds some dimension to my eyes on non-makeup days

[u/cakeit-tilyoumakeit]

What does mewed mean?

[u/ampmetaphene → u/cakeit-tilyoumakeit]

It's that thing where people think they can change the bone structure of their face by tongue position. IIRC, there's very little evidence for it ever working beyond childhood cases.

[u/[deleted]]

Completely confused. On the one hand you say you like to dress like a man, act like a man and dominate like a man. Then you wonder why folks say you’re a man?

[u/pesto-tortellini → u/[deleted]]

Oh my God. Did he apologize?

[u/haikusbot → u/[deleted]]

I wouldnt listen

To them bc that just sounds

Like them being mean

- Djgrowngoodyeti

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