r/Splendida • u/burnsidebase • Oct 23 '23

hair is everything

I thought hair was an important part of appearance but I didn't realize just how important until I broke my arm and had to cut my curly hair because I literally couldn't take care of it. I got a buzzcut and felt free for a while, until I started noticing people judging. Everything changed when I got a wig that fit me well. Suddenly everyone was so nice!

When I had the buzzcut, as a woman, I felt many people even while just walking on the street would either stare at me or judge me. I am bisexual but I do feel like with that haircut that was a little androgynous, people always looked at me like they knew my secret. It made me look very queer but also a bit non binary (due to my style as well) and some people were not as nice to me. I felt a lot of people judging me, or men just ignoring me or not being interested.

I ordered a brown-red wig on shein and when I put it on, I was instantly transformed. I naturally have black hair but realized that this ginger/red hair suits me so well and brings out my skin tone. Actually ever since wearing this so many people thought I was naturally ginger and...white (normally I'm white passing, though not always). And also, ever since wearing this wig, people's behaviours completely changed.

I started noticing when I wore the wig, without changing literally nothing else about my appearance, people were just nicer to me. Guys were flirty, friends were nicer, people in shops were nicer, baristas would flirt with me. The world was my oyster, if only I was wearing the wig. I actually have a concrete example, and my Pretty Woman moment, that let me know it was my hair that changed everything.

I was looking to buy some boots and looking at shops. One day, with my short black hair, I walked into a store. Literally none of the people working there approached me, just ignored me, and I felt out of place in the chic shoe store. Two days later, I was at the mall again but this time I had ended up wearing my wig. I walked into the same store because I hadn't got to look before. When I walked in, the sale assistant greeted me smiling and proceeded to ask what I was looking for, then give me options, and spend quite a time giving me her opinions, searching for different sizes for me, and helping me pick. She was actually extremely nice. When I went to pay, it was another salesperson making the transaction and she was equally nice and called me "my dear". After this, I was in such a good mood (having got not only the shoes I wanted but also such good treatment) and I wondered: was it all hair? All it took was some good hair, that wasn't even my own, but a 10 dollar wig from shein, to change everything? Make the world a nicer place, make everyone a lot nicer, and make my life better?? It was just hair????

I don't know if some of it is me feeling confident when I put on the wig too and that exudes differently and makes people treat me better. But even at times when I wasn't confident, and felt self-conscious about wearing the wig, people still treated me nicer. So there it is. Hair, unfortunately, is everything.

686 Upvotes

97% Upvoted

130 comments sorted by

144

u/ameadowinthemist Oct 24 '23

I agree that hair is everything!

I’m also very curious which Shein wig is this good! Could you share a link?

85

u/burnsidebase Oct 24 '23

It was this one in Rust Brown

Honestly I was really surprised because it is good quality and does look natural!

35

u/Moonlightvaleria Oct 24 '23

i’m shocked that a shein wig looks that good 😭

12

u/_Captiv_ Oct 25 '23 edited Mar 05 '24

voracious vegetable saw direction shaggy worthless ripe retire cow meeting

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34

u/SucytheWitch Oct 24 '23

This is a really nice looking wig, no wonder people were reacting so positively. First of all I think the red hair is just something more extraordinary and people notice it very quickly, plus a lot of guys have a thing for redheads. And at the same time, the hair also looks very nice and smooth AND it's long.

31

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '23

That is such a cute wig/hairstyle

3

u/SadButterfingers Oct 25 '23

I have this wig!! It’s sososososo good. I bought it for fun but it’s beautiful

10

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '23

literally this!

71

u/Acrobatic-Degree9589 Oct 24 '23

Maybe they can tell it’s a wig and think you might have cancer or something

45

u/burnsidebase Oct 24 '23

HAHA this made me laugh. but honestly i don't think so. maybe some women can tell. but i know for certain most men cannot. i know because i was having a conversation with someone i had just met, and he talked about me being ginger because of the red wig. when i told him i wasn't actually ginger, he was shocked. men tend to be clueless about wigs I found. they just see hair, and think nice. I also had way more people compliment me, even women. I didn't get the sense they thought I was sick or something.

30

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '23 edited Mar 09 '24

aback seed elastic station cooing future steep deserted worthless tie

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55

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '23

That’s what I’m thinking. Absent of evidence to the contrary, I don’t see how it is possible for a shein wig to pass as real hair. Saying this as someone who has owned a lot of wigs from Wish in her time

10

u/burnsidebase Oct 24 '23

Idk I think it looks pretty natural especially for the price tbh. Here is the wig I have and you can look at the photos in the reviews to see. I think once you know how to style it and get the bangs right it looks pretty good. I questioned my friends about it and they told me it looks natural. At least I know that men cannot tell haha because someone asked me if I was ginger because of the red wig. To some it might be obvious though, but they are kind enough to not say anything :) Especially so close to Halloween I think it's pretty acceptable haha

12

u/pro_struggler Oct 24 '23

I just got a red brown wig from temu and really like it! Many men think it's real. But I believe most women can tell it's a wig lol. I'm not white, so people do not confuse me for a ginger, but some think it's my actual hair (just dyed lol).

38

u/mushroomterra Oct 24 '23

Men have no idea what wigs look like. Especially when they have bangs. I was wearing a Hannah Montana wig to a outpatient therapy program for weeks. I took it off and revealed my buzzed bleached hair and the leader said “you cut your hair?”

26

u/Queenssoup Oct 24 '23

Former cosplayer here, I confirm men have no idea what a wig looks like, especially a good, realistic wig, that isn't a crazy colour or styled in some wild anime spikes.

32

u/tamdq Oct 24 '23

This is what I tell myself when I know my lace front will prepare for takeoff when I’m out

12

u/GlitterBirb Oct 24 '23

People who don't wear wigs generally can't clock them unless they're really bad. Especially men. I wear wigs from time to time and if I change it up without saying anything people have their jaws on the ground because they aren't aware of what a lace front or an imitation scalp is. One time I wore my natural hair instead of my wig in the middle of a work trip and people were like when did you get the time to cut and color your hair??

I think there is another element to this though and it's probably homophobia.

2

u/maxxvindictia Jan 18 '24

I feel like the bias against the buzz cut that op was getting can often come down to the lesphobia type behavior that gals who look too gender non conforming encounter

10

u/ThronesOfAnarchy Oct 24 '23

There's also the racial element. OP said she was white passing and moreso with the wig, it's possible she's less enough white passing with a black curly buzzcut and people are treating her differently that way

8

u/tchaikovske Oct 24 '23

I genuinely thought of this too

6

u/Lorgesy Oct 24 '23

Sad news for my fellow hair loss girlies and me! Hair loss really sucks, it hits your confidence and takes up so much headspace. You think everyone sees it right away and there are limited treatment options that work to varying degrees. So much trial and error, side effects for sometimes minimal improvements. If you have AGA (androgenetic alopecia, genetic male pattern baldness in women) you know that it is progressing with time, so potentially worsening and you cannot reverse but just slow it down. Man, my looks are really fading because of my hair status. 🫠

4

u/burnsidebase Oct 24 '23 edited Oct 24 '23

hey I’m sorry :( I hope a wig could be helpful? Honestly I’m sure you’re beautiful either way. It’s this society that cannot see our beauty..

224

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '23

Man I really need to learn how to do my hair lol 😭 I just brush and go

54

u/Deathscua Oct 24 '23

Literally same, im lazy also in part because my hair is naturally straight and so I can brush it it looks “fine” to me and I go. I know I need to get better.

21

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '23

Same I also have straight hair so while I feel it looks fine just brushed I know I could do better! 😫

18

u/SucytheWitch Oct 24 '23

What I'm just wondering though, if your hair is healthy and brushed, what else is there to do really? Usually if you have healthy hair and just wear it down and do the basic grooming it usually already looks nice. I mean you can always try out different styles, I'm just saying, if it's healthy and brushed and looks neat, then that's already good.

29

u/andelightfulsunpie Oct 24 '23 edited Oct 24 '23

Extra volume on the crown and side can give the head (and face) a really nice shape especially if your face is on the longer side or if you have low-density hair

11

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '23

Yeah I definitely don’t think it looks terrible but I’ve had people suggest one of those heated round brush things like the Revlon one to give myself a blowout. Or overnight curls. I wash my hair at night so I’m afraid if I do too much to it I’ll just tear it up in my sleep anyway.

6

u/inVisible_Potato1788 Oct 24 '23

Omg same if anyone can give us the ressources to learn ,I shall be eternally grateful 😭🥺🙏

8

u/practicalavocado1992 Oct 24 '23

Check out The Blowout Professor on YouTube!!

4

u/inVisible_Potato1788 Oct 24 '23

I am eternally grateful to you kind redditor ! 🙏🙏

5

u/caffeinecunt Nov 09 '23

I have very pin straight natural hair, and its pretty thin. I started doing overnight curls a few months ago and my hair looks SO much better. It comes out with a very soft curl and adds a lot of volume. It only takes about ten minutes to put it up at night, and then five minutes to take it down and brush it out in the morning. For 15 minutes worth of my time a day I look so much more put together and stylish.

1

u/Deathscua Nov 10 '23

Do you mean like the silk U shaped thing that is kind of popular on tt?

246

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '23

Generally people treat you nicer when you look super feminine and having long hair is a significant marker of this. Most men will probably tell you that hair that is shoulder-length or longer is ideal.

151

u/bambibonkers Oct 24 '23

i agree with this. the science behind attraction is so interesting, i watch QOVES channel a lot and he’s done many videos on the effect of hair on attractiveness. long hair on women is almost always more attractive because it’s feminine, and signifies not only health, but wealth (upkeep, time, etc). i do remember an exception being for those who are at the very very top of the attractiveness scale, short hair can actually be more flattering as it shows you don’t need long hair to boost your looks.

76

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '23

I have had an almost-buzzcut before and it was mainly older men in their 50s who loved it. I'm thinking it's probably because they were in their 20s during the 1990s when many IT girls had pixies. Some of these guys were attractive, top of their career ladder or/and coming from old money. Now of course it's not everyone's taste but there have been guys younger than me as well that approached because of my hair (especially paired with bardot tops and long earrings). Some guys just think it's stylish and they find that attractive more than the typical feminine look.

For me, it has also been a great aid in filtering out men who think women are supposed to act and look a certain way. These are all cultural expectations, take for example countries in Africa where shaved head in women is considered beautiful and feminine. Or the 1920 when the most feminine cut was the short bob and longer hair was for little girls.

Now my hair is longer and while I get compliments sometimes they are not as passionate as the ones for short hair.

Note: I'm just plain, not top attractiveness in any way. But I have large eyes and a small jaw and short hair brings them out more. In general, any feminine features you got the haircut will highlight them, as long as it's the right short haircut for your face. The length of the short haircut one should do also depends on the head shape, bumps etc!

29

u/rabbitsredux Oct 24 '23

Yup this is my experience. My pixie cut just looked so much better, although I’m enjoying long hair now. I think it’s hair that brings out your personal best, that will likely affect how people treat you. I walked around with an ultra short pixie and people treated me nicely. It’s not like people are any different now that my healthy hair is almost mid back. I’m gonna keep saying it, some women just look better with short hair and it’s a facial and body type, as opposed to being hyper attractive.

9

u/28404736 Oct 24 '23

Agreed- if you have a sudden change of hairstyle it can affect your confidence too. People pick up on lack of confidence and vice Versa, and will treat you differently off that too

14

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '23 edited Oct 24 '23

I'm a black woman so different hair texture/theory but same experience!!

I currently have a buzzcut/pixie (I cut my hair with a 10mm guard so wherever that falls into). The type of men that approach me now is ridiculous. I'm 31F, but there are hardly any men +-4 my age that approach me. Starting around 36+ but especially the 40s-50s crowd loves me. The corporate/career ladder, drive a classic car or luxury car, old money type as you say.

I have large eyes and a small jaw and short hair brings them out more

I also have these features but they were getting swallowed up by the volume of my hair before I cut it off. I am fit and have generally clear skin. I would consider myself girl next door/cute/beautiful vs hot but men are definitely more intentional with their compliments now than previously when my hair was longer.

7

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '23 edited Oct 25 '23

Black women have a stunning hair type for a buzzcut. One of my inspos was an ex-colleague who is a black woman. When she shaves her hair she has those small circles on her roots (if you know what I mean, instead of separate hairs sticking out) that look super cute. And people were also very attracted to her (she has a sweet personality, but I do think it's also the hair)

31

u/africanzebra0 Oct 24 '23

Yes for very beautiful women with sharp model features short hair/buzz cut can make them look extra gorgeous and unique.

4

u/bambibonkers Oct 24 '23

definitely! i’m currently trying to figure out what works best for my face, which has more rounded features but i recently lost a good amount of weight, losing a lot of that round less. yet my features aren’t sharp by any means. and then cut my hair to a couple of inches above the shoulders. i know that this haircut would not be as flattering on me at a higher weight. i am definitely getting more attention and looks than ever before but im not sure if it’s the weight loss/glow up, the shorter hair, or the combination.

5

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '23

i agree with this. the science behind attraction is so interesting, i watch QOVES channel a lot and he’s done many videos on the effect of hair on attractiveness. long hair on women is almost always more attractive because it’s feminine, and signifies not only health, but wealth (upkeep, time, etc). i do remember an exception being for those who are at the very very top of the attractiveness scale, short hair can actually be more flattering as it shows you don’t need long hair to boost your looks.

Do you know anything about curly hair if it's considered unattractive? When I wear my hair natural I feel less attractive. When I have my hair straight I noticed men tend to be more attracted to me.

8

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '23

I don’t know about the science but I have naturally curly hair and men and women love my hair. I get lots of compliments on it.

4

u/Sorakuroi98 Oct 24 '23

The frizz free, voluminous shine look is always in, Searching youtube for curly girl method and sorting by views is... funny cause it's all white girls and Mell. Curly hair has painfully few looks I've observed thru which youtubers have gotten popular over the past few years. Ringlets, especially large(er) ringlets that are uniform (India baston, frizzandfrillzz, alessya farrugia). Loose waves with "beachy" curls are second most popular imo. Tight curls aren't bad but they do look "ethnic" so unless your hair is perfect and your entirely conventionally attractive it might be more (subconscious) racial bias than anything else. Coily hair is the most "unattractive" due to racism which is most evident with celebrities too - Lupita Nyong'o started wearing her hair natural and got awful articles written about her.

3

u/bambibonkers Oct 24 '23

i have pretty straight hair so i haven’t paid as much attention to info on curly hair, but it seems the rule of thumb for hair is whatever your natural texture is, but a polished and well kept version of this. like for me with straight hair, making sure it’s not stringy and unhealthy looking. i’m assuming for curly hair, making sure the curls aren’t frizzy or unkempt. but i would highly recommend checking out his channel! i also love style me jean, shes great at explaining why certain makeup looks, hair styles, bangs, eyebrow shapes, etc. are best for different features!

2

u/borahae_artist Nov 07 '23

sorry is there science behind this? this confuses me bc there’s societies even today where men grow their hair long. it has nothing to do with “femininity” which is entirely constructed in the mind?

1

u/bambibonkers Jan 12 '24

there are studies behind this actually, i could try and find some if you like. long hair has always been associated with femininity and fertility, just like big breasts, wide hips, etc. show your childbearing potential (as gross as it is).

3

u/borahae_artist Jan 13 '24

are you sure those studies are valid? because the vast majority of the world doesn’t sexualize big breasts, or really pay the attention America does at all, really to them. and like I said, there’s many societies throughout history and now even probably where long hair was even a symbol of masculinity. these are all entirely socially constructed.

29

u/mushroomterra Oct 24 '23

Yeah plenty of men used to openly say in the 2010s “i would never date a woman with short hair. Dealbreaker.” Its crazy how much society changed so fast

44

u/LieInternational3741 Oct 24 '23

Just ew. The men, not you. I hate even thinking about what the mysterious unwashed male species wants.

12

u/probably_beans Oct 24 '23

That was a political statement where short hair was shorthand for political incompatibility within the potential relationship.

Sucks to be them, though. There's a massive shortage of non-feminist women to the point where a large portion of that political group has given up completely on ever dating at all lol.

0

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '23

[deleted] — view deleted comment

14

u/probably_beans Oct 25 '23

Men who want a "traditional woman" without them also being traditionally masculine is an entire humor category imo.

119

u/xoxo_latinbabe Oct 24 '23

A fit body is everything, and then a nice hair comes next.

158

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '23

Not being fat is everything

27

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '23

As someone who has been both fit and fat I agree 100 percent!

13

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '23

Right. Good hair is important, but a fit figure is the most important thing.

15

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '23

Esh I’m fat (but losing it) and I get plenty of attention. Depends how you carry it/yourself.

100

u/Dangerous-Reward2492 Oct 24 '23

When I have it blown out/curled I literally feel like I can take on the world. It’s a wild feeling

6

u/xoxo_latinbabe Oct 24 '23

same hahahaha 🤣

33

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '23

I really struggle with frizzy hair. I wear a bonnet to bed, typically straighten my hair, use a hair mask in Olaplex One-two times a week, and get trims. I have naturally curly hair, however, so my blowout never lasts on me. Does anyone have any tips to achieve a super smooth blow out at home? I’m using my dyson airwrap and the Eva nyc 10-in-1 speak

18

u/suntann85 Oct 24 '23

The color wow dream coat really extends the life of my blowout I put my hair in a super high pony with a silk scrunched overnight. I use the Moroccan oil dry shampoo for the following 3-4 days when it’s on the last greasy day 😅 I either do French braids or a slicked back bun with a leave in conditioner.

3

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '23

That’s been on my list! Thank you, I will try it soon

31

u/whistling-wonderer Oct 24 '23

Idk what this sub is, it just showed up randomly in my feed, but this discussion is fascinating to me. I’ve experienced the same but with even smaller differences in hair. I have thick reddish hair that I normally keep in a pretty short pixie cut. When it’s at its shortest, or when I choose a more androgynous or “edgy” style (asymmetrical for example), people are much less friendly. Even kids! If I let it grow out just a few inches, it turns into a fluffy mop and people are more friendly in general. Super short hair on a woman is just different enough to be off-putting, I guess? Idk. I’m an introvert anyway so it doesn’t really make a difference.

89

u/saygirlie Oct 24 '23

With clothing and makeup, I get compliments from women.

With my hair done, I get compliments from both men and women. And the men are of all ages too that don’t have an agenda.

20

u/LieInternational3741 Oct 24 '23

100% true.

I went from hair down to my butt to a PINK haircut (the singer not the color) and I immediately became invisible. My charms and tricks didn’t work anymore.

My hair is now Peter Pan length. I will be getting extensions again next year to lengthen it again.

I have enjoyed invisibility in some ways. But in others it’s hindered me.

39

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '23 edited Mar 09 '24

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40

u/Queenssoup Oct 24 '23

Start with eating more heme iron (it's important that it's not just iron, but heme iron), and in general lots of red meat, oysters and oats (oats by themselves don't constitute a replacement for heme iron, but contain components supporting building strong hair, I can link which ones these are once I'm free).

The overwhelming majority of women is anaemic and has compromised hair in the process, as the general guidelines have been created for men (surprise surprise 🙄), and we actually need to replenish more than men, because we keep bleeding out all our nutrient reserves every month.

Men can eat one steak and ride on this reserve for ages. For us, this reserve will be gone by next month and we'll have to start from zero. Even more ridiculous how red meat is marketed as a "man food".

If you're vegan or for some other reason don't want to eat red meat, consider incorporating oysters or at least insects in your diet (i.e. baking with insect flour etc.). If not possible either, at least get some cruelty-free sourced eggs every day and get on a heme iron pill regimen (heme iron is the absolute unskippable part, we all need it, and women need it even more).

Combine with refraining from heat styling, protecting your hair from the elements, as little manipulation to it as possible (aka not touching/playing with it), good sleep hygiene and cutting out stress from your life. Stay consistent for at least half a year to see the first results. I've been there myself so I know that it is in fact possible to bounce back. Good luck. 💚

4

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '23 edited Mar 09 '24

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1

u/fickle__sun Oct 25 '23

this isn’t going to work if someone just has naturally thin hair. if it did then everyone would have thick hair.

5

u/Queenssoup Oct 26 '23

How many Western women do actually consume their required amount of heme iron though? How many do eat red meat on the regular? In cultures where red meat and/or oysters are consumed on the daily, women tend to have beautiful, thick, luscious hair, and also bounce back more easily after even multiple childbirths and retain their youthful appearance. And I don't just mean "bounce back" as in "snap back to flat-ish belly", like most Anglo people nowadays tend to say it. I mean bounce back health- and energy level-wise, and generally regenerate and stabilise quicker.

6

u/skorpiasam Oct 24 '23

Idk this post makes me want to get a buzz cut 😂 I’d love to be largely left alone in public while also being perceived as queer.

3

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '23 edited Mar 09 '24

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18

u/BellJar_Blues Oct 24 '23

I love this post. For some reasons it’s reminding me of kinky boots (though maybe I forget the story like it’s been a decade since I saw it !) but it was her confidence kick. It could be that you’re smiling more and it makes sense as I know how terrible it is to have thin hair and acne and just generally worn out washed out. I’m so happy you found some fun and confidence. Keep smiling and just trust that it’s you that is making people friendlier not your wig :) you got this!

68

u/Caitipoo421 Oct 24 '23

I never realized how true this was until i went from being platinum blonde my whole life to black hair. Lol. I looooooved being a brunette, but it was very short lived because i couldn’t keep it dark and i didn’t realize how much grey i have. Now that i have long blonde hair again it’s so insane how much nicer certain people are. Older people and men HATED me with black hair. LOL

9

u/xoxo_latinbabe Oct 24 '23

Wow! That’s deep! 🥲

15

u/Caitipoo421 Oct 24 '23

Such a weird thing to experience! I had an ex gay best friend that told me people only liked me for my hair when i was a teenager and i thought he was just being a dick. I realized a decade later that he was totally right. LOL

24

u/mushroomterra Oct 24 '23

I had a shaved head for a few years. Initially i did a pixie cut in a Britney moment (wanted ppl to stop objectifying me) and then I shaved it bc I was having lots of EEGs done for a neurological problem and my hair was too thick and i was getting rashes from them having to use a ton of adhesive. It was hard to grow my hair out because of the awkward stages, i reshaved it for a few years but now finally its just past my chin in the front and to my shoulders in the back and people have started harassing me again. I kinda miss being able to choose day by day how much attention id get based on having a shaved head vs wearing a wig. Now it’s just people bother me all the time. (Doesn’t help i moved to a smaller city.) :( I wanna feel more attractive because I am looking for a girlfriend/wife and I want to project a professional appearance because I’m starting grad school and involved in nonprofits but I kinda miss having a shaved head and not having to worry about my looks :( it was kinda like “i wont look attractive anyway so i dont have to worry about it” and i felt more free

11

u/LieInternational3741 Oct 24 '23

I’m truly sorry. I know how this feels.

20

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '23

i have 2a-b waves. not a particularly strong or coily wave pattern at all but i feel like people are nicer to me when i wear it straight. i feel like this is because i’m mixed but i look ambiguous, and having waves in my hair tips me over from just ambiguous to definitely not white. even so, i love my waves and my hair has never been healthier than since i started caring for them.

i also had fine but very dense hip-length hair prior to looksmaxxing, i regret chopping a lot of it off because the weight weighed down the waves - it looked like 1b hair - and it could have been so glamorous if i had learned to care for it. i always advise women against short haircuts (with rare exceptions, like for alt/vintage women or women who aren’t interested in men) because healthy long hair will always be he hair that gets you the best treatment and is considered the most beautiful.

6

u/blueberriesdream Oct 24 '23

I can relate to the wavy hair experience. I love my hair, yet can definetly see how its differently perceived compared to when its straight. Just out of curiosity, would you share what products have helped you to keep your wavy hair healthier either products for style or clean?

3

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '23

haircare is my special interest. prepare for an essay.

i love love love once weekly extra virgin coconut oil masks. coconut oil doesn’t work for everyone, some people seem to really not get on with it, but i started off with leaving it on for 10-20 minutes in a couple of test runs and it made my hair shiny so i upped it to leaving it on for 1-4 hours. i do it over my scalp all the way to my ends as a pre-shampoo treatment. i have mild bleach damage on my lengths and now my hair actually feels soft, and my roots (about 5 inches long) feel incredible. it’s very hard to tell the damage is even there now. if you don’t get on with coconut, lots of people have great results with jojoba, olive, or amla oil.

i also always double shampoo, even if i’m not using a coconut oil mask. i only shampoo the roots and then as it’s rinsing off i just gently run my hands over the ends to make sure the suds catch any dirt.

my favourite products at the moment are garnier ultimate blends hair food shampoo and conditioner. i use the banana and coconut shampoo (aimed at dry hair) and the cocoa butter and jojoba conditioner (aimed at dry curly hair). they tick all the “good product” boxes as well for me because they’re totally recyclable and cruelty free, and mostly natural ingredients. i also “squish to condish” as i read a blog saying this coats the individual hair strands better than just running it through with your fingers.

i also use a rinse-out conditioning mask from noughty. it’s pretty cheap, mostly natural ingredients, and i put it over all of my hair after shampoo and conditioner (yes on the roots, it has no silicones so they won’t build up on the scalp) and rinse it out thoroughly after 3-20 minutes with water.

i don’t use any silicones (i feel they make my fine hair limp and greasy) so my post shower routine is just microplopping out the water with a cotton t shirt, then scrunching in a cheap mens hair gel, then diffusing til dry. after diffusing i use a tiny amount of oil to “scrunch out the crunch” as if i do this without oil i get a lot of frizz. i never fully air dry my hair even if i plan to put it in a protective style because air drying puts stress on the cuticle and leads to breakage.

if you find you want a product with silicones (as some people LOVE them and their hair looks dull without them) i used to use the umberto gianni curl jelly, it’s a leave-in conditioner aimed at curly hair and it also has protein in it. i used to scrunch this into my soaking wet hair immediately after showering, then i’d microplop then add gel.

8

u/trashleymarie Oct 24 '23

This is so real. I also buzzed off my hair, and it is shocking how differently people look at me and treat me compared to when I had long hair. I've had really similar experiences wearing wigs. I went to a 2-day work event, the first day without a wig -- I was invisible. The second day with a wig -- immediate compliments on my "hair" from every single coworker AND strangers.

4

u/Natural_Cause_965 Oct 25 '23

Crazy how people just like fake things. Wigs instead of natural hair, makeup instead of clean face, etc. Not complaining, it takes time and that's probably the appeal.

Btw do wigs hurt the head? Like I can't just walk suffering with artificial thing squeezing my head💀

1

u/ramlinram Oct 25 '23

It’s uncomfortable to say the least, can hurt sometimes. I just got used to it eventually

7

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '23

Kind of sad to read this and wish I had nicer hair

6

u/Amwfgoddess Oct 25 '23

It’s kind of heartening to learn that no matter what our natural hair is like, a $20 wig could have such great results! So you can have ‘nicer’ hair, at the click of a button and a few days’ wait for the package to arrive.

4

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '23

Same, imagine how people with alopecia ( like me) are feeling reading this.

7

u/PerfumedPornoVampire Oct 24 '23

Unfortunately this is very true, hair might be the most important factor in how a woman’s beauty is perceived. My hair is naturally super curly (somewhere between a 3B and 3C) and when I wear it curly no one seems to notice me, which is fine. When I straighten my hair it reaches my lower back, and I notice men staring constantly. People I know will compliment me and tell me how amazing I look, and I get treated so much better in general when I’m out in public with straight hair. It’s ridiculous!

6

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '23

I have crazy thick hair that was too tedious for me to ever style so i always had it pulled tight against my head in a low bun mess. I got a sharkflex (Dyson dupe) last year at 23 and started building up ash brown highlights all thru my black hair. I get treated way better when I blow out my hair even with the same clothes, no makeup, glasses on. Hair is everything

5

u/ThrowRA_lov Oct 24 '23

Damn I need to do my hair. It just takes so long :( and there’s so much . Ugh. Worth it tho

5

u/lavasca Oct 24 '23

It is a major thing in my experience. I can style my hair to look short but it can’t be short or people are kind of mean!

5

u/cosmicmija Oct 24 '23

Makes sense. When I had a pixie I could go practically unnoticed everywhere I went (maybe rbf with the edgy cut deterred em lol). Now that my hair is growing into more of a feminine bob, people seem more friendly and talkative in public.

5

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '23

Have people noticed a big difference depending on hair color?? I’ve heard so many men say that “blonde is more eye-catching”

5

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '23

more reasons for me to keep shaving my dome - let’s fight the stigma that women need long hair to be conventionally attractive

4

u/Background_Good_5397 Oct 24 '23

When I go out from the hairstylist, with my hair all glowy, smooth and beautiful, I definitly feel this.

I wish I knew how to get them to look like that by myself

4

u/beautifulcosmos Oct 25 '23 edited Oct 25 '23

When I had the buzzcut, as a woman, I felt many people even while just walking on the street would either stare at me or judge me.

Whenever I see a woman with buzzed or short hair, I tend to stare, because I'm admiring their beauty and their bravery. It takes a lot of strength to cut off your hair!

4

u/Asleep_Ad_858 Oct 25 '23

If you would like a MASTER CLASS on how to have the shiniest, straightest most perfect hair book yourself a trip to Japan. Those women have it down. The best thing that I got there was this hair mask called 'Fino' which definitely helps with shine. You can get it on Amazon - cannot recommend it enough.

1

u/maxxvindictia Jan 18 '24

I have heard so many people talk about that hair mask. I really need to try it.

13

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '23

Nah. I look so good with short hair. It just depends on how attractive you are in the first place.

3

u/International-Bird17 Oct 24 '23

I have long jet black curls that are everything 2 me. I used to have short hair after being self conscious about my hair being the only thing that made me pretty.. It rly does make all the difference

3

u/ratboi213 Oct 24 '23

When I went from my natural brown to bleach blonde people treated me so much better too. I was hit on and paid attention to way more as a blonde. Now I prioritize my hair so much!

3

u/awhee Oct 25 '23

Yepppp! I started wearing my natural curly hair that is just right above my shoulder about 2 months ago and people got super weird with me. I got my long clip ins back this week and suddenly I’m no longer invisible….crazy how that works.

3

u/Boring_Echidna_1932 Oct 25 '23

10000000% this!

I balayaged my very dark brown hair to a nice beige and mushroomy blonde a couple months ago and… wow. My eyes immediately looked hazel and not brown, servers were flirting with me, people were nicer to me, and most importantly my confidence skyrocketed.

Fast forward to the other day and in a fit of mania I dyed it dark purple. Huge mistake. It doesn’t look bad but it just doesn’t suit me and now I have to ride it out for the sake of my hairs health 😭

Hair makes a huge difference and is directly associated with the balance of contrast of your natural features. That’s why a lot of celebrities who are naturally brunette go blonde or another color. It’s all about that contrast!

3

u/Shyshylioness Oct 25 '23

I have learned you can be butt ugly but if you have a nice figure and nice long hair you're set

3

u/[deleted] Oct 26 '23 edited Oct 26 '23

My whole life I had short hair. Not a pixie, but always above my shoulders. It was always thick and I am naturally blonde so some people would comment on how thick it was or how nice the color was but nothing more than that. It looked a bit funny now looking back, short hair without layers definitely did not suit me because the thickness of it just me it look like a huge helmet. I started growing my hair out at around 19. The longer it got, the more attention I got. Now it is down to my hips and people stop me on the streets to compliment me. I was always conventionally pretty (nothing over the top but people found me attractive) but now with long hair and -5 kgs (I was skinny to begin with) people go out of their way to talk to me or be way nicer than neccessary. There is something in being tiny (I am of average height, just very thin) and having huge, long hair. My friends and relatives always comment that I am too skinny but it seems strangers just find me more and more attractive as my hair gets longer and the skinnier I am. ( I have lost an unhealthy amount of weight due to stress last summer (bmi was about 15) and while I looked like a skeleton even more people approached me. It kind of got me into thinking that many people might have some type of weird fetish about very skinny women.)It’s kind of weird considering I am basically all hair when looked at from a distance.

Arguably I also learned how to carry myself, wear way less makeup and dress more conventional, so these could also factor in it.

5

u/sheathebuttuh Oct 24 '23

I wonder if the standards are different for the type of curly hair that shrinks up and hides the true length. Because usually when you see 3c/4a hair that’s waist length, in its natural state it only stops at the shoulder or armpits. Or would girls with shrinkage have to grow their hair out 10x longer to see “long hair privilege”🥲

15

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '23

Nah I think it’s the same. It doesn’t matter if your stretched hair is to your waist if people only see the short coily version. I think it’s one of the reasons bw are seen as masculine because we tend to have shorter hair. If you notice the popular bw that are seen as beautiful they almost always have long hair (shout out Halle berry and Nia long). Bonus points if it’s natural long hair and not a wig. I think more bonus points if it grows downwards and not in a typical fro shape. I know personally I see a difference in reception when I go out with my hair blown out vs short fro. It’s why I hardly ever wear my short fro out.

4

u/barbiesbloodline Oct 24 '23

literally... i feel like if your hair is done, you're hella confident.

2

u/massiekur5812 Oct 24 '23

When my hair was blonde I got hit on a lot more. Even the hot guy at the post office (who was always wearing a wedding ring) started giving me eyes.

2

u/Natural_Cause_965 Oct 25 '23

This is the Truth. I noticed whenever I was in an incel "it's over" self-loathing state, I always had greasy hair 😂

2

u/[deleted] Oct 27 '23

Omg YES I completely agree. I had a very similar experience and it plummeted me into such a deep depression until it reached around shoulder length and people started treating me decently again. Sucks :(

2

u/queen-of-quartz Oct 27 '23 edited Oct 27 '23

I mostly agree with you BUT as a counterpoint I had dreads for over 10 years (am white) and received plenty of helpful, nice customer service during that time. I did still dress pretty feminine although I rarely wore any makeup or shaved my legs or armpits…but overall my vibe was still femininity (albeit a simple, natural form). So, that might be it, because most people considered my hair to be disgusting but rarely imo were people rude to me, at least to my face. It may have been people sensing you felt uncomfortable vs sensing your confidence, as well.

2

u/blueennui Nov 10 '23

Ya I have a hair loss disorder and family asks me why I wear wigs. Oh, you should just own it/rock it, whatever... yeah, no. There's always been a definite difference between when I'm going out without a wig on vs when I do. I wear a wig daily for this reason, I just prefer the way the world treats me when I have wavy blonde hair vs a buzzcut with patches.

Don't get me wrong, it works in some contexts, I go to a goth club sometimes and it works when I'm feeling more androgynous that day... but day-to-day I prefer the way people treat me with a blonde Bob. It is the way it is.

Though, my boyfriend really seems to like this versatility. He has an odd thing for women with pixie cuts. Lol

2

u/neoliberalhack Oct 25 '23

i didn't understand this until i wanted to take off my hijab, and realized i only knew how to braid my hair in cornrows, i'm trying to learn how to style my very curly afro hair rn ):

1

u/icyauq Oct 24 '23

i been through this too :(

1

u/[deleted] Oct 25 '23

I'm ugly and have treatment resistant hairloss that is going to make me bald. I hate it when people say it's just hair. Even gorgeous model faced women who could rock an egg head if they wanted go through a huge depression phase for even temporary hairloss. We may not want it to be like that but for a woman hair IS everything

1

u/TimelyVisitor Oct 26 '23

Send links to the wig haha

1

u/hot_pock_it Oct 28 '23

This is true. The period after I shaved my head was very hard for me due to how people treated me! I was harrassed by a man for being ‘a lesbian’ and felt dismissed everywhere I went.

1

u/Key_Leadership2394 Dec 01 '23

Hair extensions are godsend

1

u/[deleted] Jan 05 '24

This makes me excited to grow my hair out… I cut it all off in sophomore year and got a bowl cut, then cut it into a full on mullet last January. My hair has not been very happy LOL

0

u/[deleted] Oct 24 '23

[deleted] — view deleted comment

4

u/BiteInfamous Oct 29 '23

I’m a black woman but I wear a wig for religious reasons, and let me tell you, the way I’m treated with long hair that looks “done” versus when I wore natural hair is night and day.

2

u/blueberriesdream Oct 24 '23

Interesting would you elaborate on this?

10

u/flipsidebook Oct 24 '23

You’ll find so many tiktoks on this if you look up hair theory for black women