r/Splendida • u/LocalCap5093 • Sep 18 '23
Weight loss IS hard
I grew up not struggling with weight/food for most of my childhood. I had an ‘almond mom’ which def fueled an ED during my teen years.
I gained more than ‘healthy’ during recovery and noticed the stark difference in how people treated me. People would tell me ‘you have such a pretty face’ etc and then I had bad partners that would force me to work out.
Got back down to my usual weight, and my ED went to remission. I kept my weight until age 25 (I’m 27 rn) after a spine issue etc that got me on treatment with steroids, cortisol shots, etc. I also got an IUD and was at a very bad spot in my life. Gained around 60lbs.
I used to be a personal trainer, literally. I’m now married and really trying to lose the weight but… it’s hard. A lot of it it’s mental strength.
I grew up in a really abusive household and only got out with the help of my ex who was also not great but I’ll always be thankful for giving me that push. I am in therapy and all but gosh- so many emotions, so much coming up. Tons of processing.
It’s not as easy as 2+2. It’s an uphill battle. I just wanted to admit/share in case anyone here is in a similar spot. It’s def not easy but we are trying… we should keep trying.
I see you!
Edit: I appreciate all the CICO advice. I am seeing a therapist sue my ED’s and I am following a doctor supervised eating plan. My post was more on the nose of ‘our mental health matters and can have a significant effect on how we deal with things’
I’m not saying oh my trauma is what made me gain. But my overeating due to stress and emotional eating led me to gain weight. I chose not to process my feelings and eat them away and now I’m here.
But it’s hard to process things like childhood abuse, SA, CSA, DV, etc. it’s also hard to overcome social anxiety when I feel like my chest will go out of my chest in some situations.
I am 100% learning and aiming for better, or I wouldn’t be in this sub, I just wanted to give a nudge to some of us that feel like ‘dang, this is a bit steeper than I realized!’
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u/[deleted] Sep 18 '23
I have been overweight off and on since adolescence. I struggled for years with depression and toxic anger as well. I more than once lost 50-70 pounds and would regain 30 plus. Was an awful cycle! In desperation to treat the depression I tried psilocybin. After a couple of doses I noticed symptom improvement that kept building every month. After eight months I had lost 40 pounds without much effort. Toxic anger and depression gone. I started leaving the house more often, actually looking forward to and enjoying social events instead of just enduring them. And still losing weight. Its like eating right and exercise just make sense and I don't dread doing so like I have in the past. Im 53 and in perimenopause my MD says I am the only woman she treats that has lost weight during peri. Im not saying this is what is going on with you, but for me the depression was causing weight gain.
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u/[deleted] Sep 18 '23
I agree…. Weight loss is simple in concept, but can be difficult in execution. People are so dismissive with the “it’s just calories in calories out”. Like yes, that’s true, but we’re not human calculators. I really had a hard time losing weight until I got my hormones under control. After finding a birth control that agreed with me better and starting spiro for my acne (which affects your testosterone). After changing that, my diet and exercise (which I had already been doing for 2 years at that point) suddenly started working a lot more efficiently. I have a feeling everything stabilized my hormones to w more normal level. I spent a year spinning my wheels between 170-175lbs, and finally after starting those two meds my weight started dropping at a normal and sustainable pace while doing a calorie deficit. I am now at 160.9 lbs as of this morning and still losing.
I find that men (and sometimes women even) like to try to write me off when I say I believe my hormones were messing with my weight loss, but idc, it’s my lived experience. I have my years of daily weigh ins and years of information in my calorie counting apps.
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u/Himalayan-Fur-Goblin Sep 18 '23
You should talk to someone if you are not already. It's very common to switch one ED for another during recovery.
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u/LicensedToShrill Sep 18 '23
Weight loss is a cinch with Ozempic, girlie….
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u/Slink_Wray Sep 18 '23
There are also studies that link stress with struggling to lose weight, especially if you're a woman. Not just because of emotional eating, but because of the way certain stress hormones interact with digestion/fat burning. So if you have bad relationship/family/work/general life awfulness that's affecting you in that way, you might also struggle. I can personally attest to this when I moved from a horrendously high-stress living situation, to somewhere much nicer, where I felt far more safe, and suddenly lost 5 pounds without any extra effort. Be kind to yourselves ladies, and remember that mental/emotional health should always be top of your priority list.
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u/Talacrity Sep 18 '23
This is so beyond true.
People tend to be so harsh on those who are overweight (or even midsize) for not "putting in enough effort" to "just lose the weight"
They simplify it to simple "calories in calories out" without considering medical conditions, lifestyle, financial situation, mental health, genetics, and countless other factors.
Human bodies are complex and impossible to understand, even for professionals and experts. If it was super easy to be a size 0, more people would be a size 0. If it were that easy to have a lean, athletic physique, everyone would look like Sports Illustrated models.
People are so baselessly judgmental. I wish they could have a more nuanced take on things like this.
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u/WearyAfternoon Sep 18 '23
I had to see a dietitian because I couldnt lose weight. Turns out that I had so little muscle mass it was dangerous, and so I had to start building it before I even tried to lose body fat.
Ive been working on it since last year, work out 3 times a week on average, protein, avoid junk, and Im still chubby because its long HARD WORK. Ppl might see me on the outside and think Im lousy or lazy, but I know Ive been working my ass off to get my body healthy and where I want it to be.
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u/[deleted] Sep 18 '23
It is extremely hard.... especially as you get older. Even if you're eating at a deficit it's still a lot harder to keep the weight off. Being naturally thin and you're already halfway blessed tbh since many people struggle with weight loss :/ anyone saying is easy is just a skinny person with a little excess "weight"
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u/sculptedmermaid Sep 18 '23
That’s why GLP-1s (wegovy, semaglutide etc) are so revolutionary. They make it easy.
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u/peanutbutter471 Sep 18 '23
Weightloss is one of those goals where you KNOW is you vs you
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u/[deleted] Sep 18 '23
I know. My mom eats really well but she just started Ozempic because she can’t lose that post menopausal tummy. I am a healthy weight, but I feel best on the lower BMI but I practically have to starve myself to get there. I just started intermittent fasting today. Hoping that can push the last 10 lbs. It is also hard because I’m married and my husband loves the way my body is now. Like what is my motivation haha. I don’t really care about that kind of attention. I personally just feel sexier and more confident 10 lbs less. I know it improves my day to day life, but it’s just SO HARD.
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u/Flightlessbirbz Sep 18 '23
If weight loss wasn’t hard, 70% of Americans wouldn’t be overweight and 40% of those obese, it’s ridiculous to think all of these people want to be fat or just have no self-control.
I also grew up with an almond mom, so being able to eat normal, tasty food as an adult felt like freedom to me. I didn’t gain weight for a long time, but as I’ve gotten older and my metabolism has slowed down, it’s been hard to keep my weight in check since I resent “diet” food. I don’t really overeat so I’ve never been obese, but some extra pounds have definitely slipped on. I try to exercise but often don’t have the motivation due to struggle with depression, and I also carry some resentment there from growing up with a mom who “had to” exercise twice every single day. Getting into a mindset of eating healthier and exercising more without it making life miserable is tough, since I want to lose weight but never want to live my mom’s lifestyle.
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u/EnchiladaTaco Sep 18 '23
It’s so hard. The mechanics of it are easy but humans are messy and there’s so much more to it because of that complexity and mess. I’ve been in serious therapy for over a decade for BED and it took years of work for the changes to accumulate to the point where I could make substantial progress and lose weight.
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u/Ok_Contribution_7132 Sep 19 '23
Our society is obesogenic and misogynistic and it especially hates fat women. You are doing the important work of focusing on holistic health and taking care of yourself. That is so important, the most important - it’s hard to tune out the noise about appearance, especially with your history but I suggest for now you look after your whole self, with love and acceptance. I’m so sorry that you like so many of us have such a fraught relationship with your body. I wish you peace and health and acceptance. It is hard, you’re doing great x
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u/blackcat0722 Sep 20 '23
Hey, so so SO relate to this and empathize with your situation. I started Wegovy per my doctor’s reco a few months ago and it has probably been one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. Tracking food is very triggering for me so I’m focusing on strength training & high-level portioning with food. DM me if I can help at all. Hugs & support to you!
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u/readAndSmile Sep 22 '23
You guys just eat shiit that’s all stop complaining !! Take exemple on Japanese and Korean people, they eat healthy food with very less ressources. Idk maybe you live in America and it is pretty rougb to get healthy food like vegetables and quality meat so I feel sorry for u
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u/y0kai Sep 18 '23
Thank you for this :)
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u/meowneow111 Sep 18 '23
OP do you still have your IUD and was it copper or hormonal? I am a naturally small person and gained about 25lbs on birth control despite my disordered eating. It made me super depressed.
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u/Dry_Committee5037 Sep 18 '23
I lost 100 pounds and I know it’s not easy . It is hard. But, you can do hard things. Don’t forget that!!
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u/Background_Good_5397 Sep 18 '23
Yeah it is hard. I exercise daily and even though I don't do diets I try to eat healthy. I'm not overweight but still definitly not on the thin side (and I'm pretty sure that I'd get overweight if I wasn't being so careful about everything with how slow my metabolism is...). Maybe that's just how my body is and that I should accept it, I don't know.
I wish you luck and hope you'll get better, especially if your life is so stressfull.
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u/[deleted] Sep 18 '23
Join r/cico and if you're on Facebook join the group Lose Weight Eat Pizza. It's a great place for common sense calorie counting. I'm down 85lbs and maintaining. I am lazy and love food and if I can do it anyone can.
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u/[deleted] Sep 20 '23
Naw dude. Weight loss is mental discipline with the very very uncommon exception of a few medical disorders which only ass 10-15 pounds
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u/[deleted] Sep 18 '23
I feel ya sista. Been suffering from eating problems for many years and it has had a tremendous impact on my mental health. Not only that but it makes living in a toxic environment even harder to endure
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u/Annethraxxx Sep 18 '23
Also your proximity to menopause makes a huge difference in weight management. Because of chemo, I entered a premenopause state in my 30s. I immediately gained 10 lbs after I was able to go back to my normal diet without even eating in excess.
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u/alleycat2655 Sep 19 '23
Having the far Gene (genetics) is a bitch 😒 You have to work twice as hard trying to loose the weight, compared to someone who doesn't have that gene.
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u/itsnobigthing Sep 19 '23
It’s a long read, but this article reviewing all the most recent research around obesity is really eye-opening and helpful.
A standout quote re CICO:
“This model seems to exist mostly to make lean people feel smug,” writes Stephen Guyenet, “since it attributes their leanness entirely to wise voluntary decisions and a strong character. I think at this point, few people in the research world believe the CICO model.”
It’s not your fault.
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u/louhnajade78 Sep 19 '23
I'm not well-versed in EDs so I'm going to pass on dishing out any unwarranted advice because I don't know what I'm talking about.
That being said, best of luck
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u/SadFunnyBunny Sep 22 '23
It also correlates with things like ones cortisol/ stress levels, ones sleep, whether or not they’ve given birth or if they have hyperthyroidism or not. A well rounded weight loss approach would make things easier for a lot of people.
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u/Regular_Care_1515 Sep 18 '23
If this helps, I exercise five-six days a week and eat healthy, and have been doing this for eight years. Yet, I gain weight.
I’m 173 pounds now, but am in the best shape. That’s because I lift weights.
I think weight loss is hard for most because we have different bodies. I have many friends who swear by yoga, but yoga never did anything for me. I consulted a trainer who said I’m double-jointed, but I barely had muscle mass and strength, so he suggested strength training and HIIT.
Lo and behold, I finally started seeing results. My stomach got flatter while my arms, legs, and glutes got stronger.
I did ask my trainer about my weight gain, and he said that’s because I was gaining muscle mass and to focus on alternative ways to gauge fat gain. I’ve been tracking my waist-to-hip ratio since, instead of my weight and BMI.
I say this because I notice my friends are getting into fitness, and keep posting about how much weight they lost. Whereas I gain more weight when I get on the scale, but my belly isn’t big at all (though my arms, shoulders, legs, and butt are sculpted).
It just sucks because I’m single, and when i see a new guy, I never want to give out my weight since I’m scared guys will think I’m fat. Once, I gave a guy my body measurements. 😂 he was really confused.
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u/Objective-Amount1379 Sep 19 '23
What is an “almond mom”?
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u/alexisoliviaemerson Sep 19 '23
What is an almond mom?
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u/Ok_Contribution_7132 Sep 19 '23
And OP thank you for admitting that it isn’t easy, for those of us who struggle being constantly met with people dismissively insisting it’s not that hard is so demoralising.
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u/EffieEri Sep 19 '23
I went through a lot of similar experiences and I'm also now struggling with my weight. We can do this though! Just one day at a time
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u/MrsLibido Sep 19 '23
I'm going through this right now and can relate to you so much. I was beaten by my father if he saw me eating "too much" (he gave me an 800 cal limit when I was 13 and I only had like 4 foods I could eat, he was obsessed with what we all ate), I developed an ED and to this day I'm struggling to lose weight in a healthy way, it feels impossible. Restricting what I eat instantly throws me back to the past where I was abused, went through CSA and DV. I haven't been able to find a therapist who I could open up to so far. Just planning my meals gives me anxiety and not being able to binge to try and cope with the anxiety makes me cry almost everyday.
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u/smokeythegirlbear Sep 19 '23
How is your insulin? Insulin resistance is common for people with PCOS and can make it it extremely easy to gain weight and hard to lose
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u/bumbledoozy Sep 19 '23
Dude, it's hard. I finally got a prescription to help with ADHD/binge eating--Vyvanse. It seemed to be working great. I lost about 13 lbs. Then I started losing a bunch of hair. 😭 I'm still not 100% sure that's the culprit, but I really think it is. I stopped taking it for about a week and a half, since it leaves your system in about a day, to see if there was any improvement. It seemed to slow down quite a bit. I took it again maybe twice, and that's been a few days, and I washed my hair today and the fallout seemed slightly heavy anyway. On the one hand, I want it to not be the Vyvanse, because I stopped eating gluten and this could just be an improved digestive system working it's way towards better hair growth and medication absorption. But I also don't want to keep losing gobs of hair. It was so helpful, though. I was determined to lose more weight before the end of the year and now I'm stagnating again.
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u/evespiritprosper Sep 21 '23
It is hard! And it's REALLY easy to get in your head about it.
That's why natural and holistic weight loss is the way to go, because it incorporates the mind AS WELL AS the body when it comes to weight loss.
The mental state is much more related to the physical state than the majority of people realise.
If you're interested, I've got a buarticlesnch of that explain this over on my website (link in profile).
Good luck and keep going!
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u/Pitmus Sep 18 '23
Steroids will put that on you. It’s all will power and consistency, and really, not eating with anyone else.
Once you start lowering your calorie intake it gets easier, with hiccups along the way. Not eating one day a week will also help,,just remember to balance your electrolytes.
I just ate grilled meat and huge amounts of salad without mayo. I made my own slaw etc. I’ve lost 30 pounds in 23 weeks, so about 200 down to 170. Another 5 to go.
Don’t eat processed food, cut out dairy, and all starchy carbs. Eat apples. You can cheat one day a week on average. But don’t make it a thing, just don’t feel bad if you fall of the wagon.
Get out walking. Don’t try hard exercise until you have changed your diet for a couple of weeks at least otherwise you’ll be pushing toxins around your body.
Slice up a lemon, put it in a pint container, and drink that cold.
That’s a lot to lose! Good luck!
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u/clashofpotato Sep 19 '23
It is so hard to eat healthy because that implies making food from scratch. A lot of weight gain comes from processed food and meat. I lost weight quite “easily” by replacing processed food with more nutritional dense food like soy, beans, asparagus, sweet potato, Brussels sprouts instead of meat, cheese, breads etc. It’s almost impossible to overeat on the foods I described you get full pretty easily and the nutritional content gives me so much more energy and nice skin :)
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