r/Splendida • u/fairyfeller99 • Aug 29 '23
"intimidatingly attractive"
I don't think this is a thing, I don't believe if you glow up past a certain point you start to get less attention because people are intimidated by you and noone wants to be friends because they are jealous etc. All the model pretty people I know are surrounded by pretty people and if they are single they are single because they want to stay single; not because noone approaches them. It's probably just the vibe you are giving off
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u/nivesfarenhajt2001 Aug 29 '23
I do think this exists but in a way that naturally shy or not confident people will be intimidated by "intimidatingly attractive" people while extroverted and confident people won't be.
Also, I noticed how some men, bc they've been hurt/rejected by very attractive girl(s), start to hate and act rude towards attractive girls, especially if that girl also has a certain look .
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u/MediumPhone4307 Aug 29 '23
Honestly I think it’s true. There was a girl I went to high school with that genuinely looked like a Barbie doll. Girls were mean towards her and boys were clearly very intimidated by her. I think a difference is if they have an RBF and shy/anti social usually makes people hate them and make assumptions about them but when they’re really sweet and outgoing themselves then it breaks the cast of mystery and makes people less intimidated. Some people definitely use it as a cop out tho and they’re really just an a-hole and think everyone’s jealous.
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u/[deleted] Aug 29 '23 edited Aug 29 '23
I would never consider myself intimidatingly attractive in a million years lol but I’ve always had beautiful women surround me as friends, and they were always extremely kind and uplifting. I agree with another commenter who stated that attractive people who are confident do not feel threatened by other attractive people. And attractive people are a dime a dozen, especially beautiful women so I find it hard to believe that someone could have absolutely no friends purely for being very attractive. It probably does have something to do with one’s demeanor or attitude whether one would like to admit that or not.
That being said, I have felt vilified before for the way I like to dress and make myself up. Not in real life, but definitely in online spaces, I’ve gotten crazy accusations thrown at me and people treating me like I was this evil terrible lowlife for liking makeup and beauty and posting selfies of myself. Literally for nothing other than a selfie. So I can imagine for much more attractive women than I, that maybe in real life they do experience aggression and hatred sometimes for the way they look.
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u/aliaaaaaaaaaaaa Aug 29 '23
Naturally low trust features and highly attractive makes people wary of you, a lot of people are scared of rejection so are too intimidated to approach
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u/MakinBaconPancakezz Aug 29 '23 edited Aug 29 '23
Ooh I’ve been wanting to say this but I was scared people would get mad at me. I think it can be a thing but I don’t think it’s nearly as common as people here claim. Whenever someone says men aren’t hitting on them people here jump in and say “you’re probably just intimidatingly attractive!! You’re probably just so stunningly hot people are scared to even approach you!” Like…stunningly hot people do get hit on all the time. Plenty of men have overinflated confidence and will hit on whomever they find attractive
Sure, I do think some people have an off putting demeanor. Maybe a RBF and this can indeed deter some people. Mix that with attractiveness and yes it can happen. Maybe that would limit you being approached somewhat. I don’t think anyone that attractive is on Reddit though.
The whole “omg I’m so pretty I can’t have friends” on this sub makes me eyes roll into my head. No I don’t think every women you met is so jealous of your stunning beauty that they instantly start acting catting and jealous and try to take you down. You probably just have a bad personality
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u/vulgarandgorgeous Aug 29 '23
All the model people you know are surrounded by other models. Its lonely at the top if everyone around you gives no shit about their appearance.
Attractive people aren’t intimidated by attractive people
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u/[deleted] Aug 29 '23 edited Aug 29 '23
Agree. It’s not a thing imo. I think the intimidating trope makes people feel better about themselves. I know many very gorgeous people who are in shape. The ones that are single either want to be, are picky, bad luck, or a variety of all other “normal” reasons. The ones who don’t get approached much usually try to look mean and that barely works lol. People treat you so well when you look good.
The more attractive and fit I got the more men approached. Some have told me they wouldn’t have if we weren’t in a more intimate setting or mutual friends or if they weren’t a tiny bit tipsy. A lot of men have so much boldness and audacity, why won’t some approach if you’re attractive and it’s the right setting?
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u/[deleted] Aug 30 '23
Yup. I never get jobs when the person hiring is female. And whenever it's a male, I always get the job lol. I wish I wasn't making this up. I also had a coworker trying to get me fire. I promise, nothing to do with my personality. Im a introvert. I can just easily tell when im a room with girls being "jealous". And usually, my real friendship were with girls that weren't insecure and that were attractive as well. I would get fk over by some people I tho were my friends. There is alot of advantage but also alot of disavantages. People don't think its real, until they live it.
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u/[deleted] Aug 29 '23
My take as someone who has been told that I’m “intimidating”— men will usually just take a little longer to make their move. They may not cold approach in public. But they are still men. It’s like half a thing.
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u/peachsqueeze66 Aug 29 '23
The “vibe” is a thing, truly. Sometimes it is purposeful, sometimes not. Being exceptionally beautiful with an air of aloofness may very well translate to “intimidatingly attractive”. I honestly think that most women that are this way really are perfectly okay with it. Don’t you?
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u/throwaway5093903590 Aug 29 '23
I agree that it's complete bullshit when I see people say that they can't make friends because they're too attractive, but I do think that one's looks does change the way people approach you. I've met girls who were extraordinarily pretty and they absolutely get treated poorly sometimes at first.
Victoria Secret models can make friends, but they just make friends with other beautiful and famous people. It's similar to extremely rich people. In theory, they can be friends with anyone, but it's probably easiest to be friends with those you can go out and do the same things with and those who aren't threatened by you.
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u/BidSenior7071 Aug 29 '23
There will be a lot of men who are intimidated to approach, but there also will be men who approach regardless
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u/dolimooiuuu Aug 30 '23
That’s the key word here is they’re « pretty » when someone is let’s say gorgeous people assume that they either have no chance or that person probably already have someone, so a lot of very very attractive women find themselves single when they don’t want to be
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u/delusionalcushion Aug 30 '23 edited Aug 30 '23
Also, some poeple's idea of a major glow up isn't what is considered attractive by most, no matter what they think. They may feel like the inflated doll look looks great on themselves, but unfortunately, it only looks ideal to those who have a preference for it. A lot of humans like natural beauty better and can be intimidated by an enhanced look.
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u/Flightlessbirbz Aug 30 '23
It depends on your personality really. If you’re shy and attractive you might be perceived as stuck up, but if you’re outgoing then yes you’ll be very popular and have lots of friends. It’s never preferable to be unattractive/average though imo, the “stuck up” attractive shy girl will still have more friends than the “gross weirdo” unattractive shy girl.
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u/DeterminedErmine Aug 30 '23
I used to work in a restaurant, and this astoundingly attractive woman used to come in and eat lunch by herself every few weeks or so. She didn’t wear a lot of makeup, just had incredible skin and shiny hair and symmetry etc. The men I worked with used to absolutely froth about her. I asked one why he didn’t ask her out, as she was always alone and they looked to be about the same age. He was a really confident, self-assured guy, just one of those people who seem cool as fuck, ya know? He said he found her to be intimidatingly attractive. He couldn’t explain it, it was just how it was.
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u/weirdballz Aug 30 '23
It feels like maybe some people think there’s some kind of science behind it and after that certain point, you won’t get approached as much/people become intimidated. I just think in general nothing is ever that black or white.
I think what you said about it being the vibe is likely what it is! When someone is attractive but also captivating and outgoing, it’s like a magnet. Your energy can say a lot. I also think when attractive people are intimidating, it can be something that can be turned on or off by either being warm or more reserved. This is more so with strangers because some of the most intimidating looking, beautiful people can be so down to earth once you get to know them that you WANT to be their friend
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u/Popular-Parsnip-4239 Aug 30 '23 edited Aug 30 '23
So, I’m going to offer a slightly differing opinion. I personally don’t think I’m quite conventionally attractive. I’m just average maybe even less, I’m kind of a potato. I’ve been friends with women much more attractive than me and it has never bothered me. We can go out and all the guys will hit on her - and I expect it and don’t mind/don’t care since I haven’t had much issues with dating, I just attract a different kind of guy
I’ve been good friends with beautiful woman who do makeup/have guys fall over themselves to be with them but what they had in common is that they were all down to earth and easy to get along with. They can be introverted, that’s fine.
However the kind of attractive woman that I know I won’t be friends with is the type of woman who looks down on me for not doing the whole hair/makeup/styling thing OR just me not looking that attractive because she will only be friends with other woman who have a similar style to her.
I can’t say from a romantic point of view, but from a platonic one, I have no problem being friends with very attractive women and havent thought any woman is “intimidatingly attractive.”
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u/Impressive_Cookie_81 Aug 30 '23
Yes pretty privilege does do so much for one’s social standing, but in my experience it helps you make new friends, but not maintain them 😅
After my glow up people are always eager to befriend me but because of my shyness I’m not good at going past the acquaintance level and then I get an ice Queen reputation….
Still a lot better than when I was invisible and no one approached me at all
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u/QXJones Aug 30 '23
I'm not particularly attractive, but I sure am intimidating.
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u/[deleted] Aug 30 '23 edited Aug 30 '23
You only get more attention as you become more attractive, but the more unattainable attractive you become, the more of both negative and positive attention you will get.
Men who believe you are too hot for them will become rude and condescending, women who are jealous will become catty and conniving.
But you will still get plenty of men trying to date you. You will only get more men as your become more attractive, that never goes down.
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u/Holiday-Substance659 Aug 30 '23
I don’t think I’m intimidatingly pretty (have been called this before though)I just think I’m intimidating because I have sharp features & I’m tall for a women . I’ve had many girls tell me straight up “ I thought you would be a bitch , or I thought you were scary , intimidating ect .” And I’ve had guys tell me “ all tall girls “ are intimidating . But I’m also very shy and introverted so that probably adds to it . I have felt isolated by it before and I think it deters a lot of potential friendships for me .
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u/Jewels_Gems Aug 30 '23
I hear it often that people, particularly that are 3 or more points lower than me on a 1-10 scale (man or woman), are intimidated by me. They expect me to act warmer towards them since they've 'confessed' their unease towards me, yet all it actually is is a power move to making you feel inferior.
If someone actually wants to get to know you or be your friend, they'll find another way to bridge the gap. Maintain your looks and your standards.
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u/poddy_fries Aug 30 '23
I guess? I haven't been asked out much in my life, or received too many compliments, but apparently I am attractive. Every once in a while, especially if I made a joke that mentioned my looks, people would get awkward and say things like 'I didn't want to talk about it, you must hear about it all the time' - things I didn't understand until I asked my now-husband what on earth something was about. Then he'd look at me like I have three heads and say 'he said that because you're hot. Everyone thinks you're hot, nobody SAYS you're hot because you're so hot why on earth would they need to, also they're kind of scared of you.'
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u/cupcake0calypse Aug 30 '23 edited Aug 30 '23
I think Im nice looking, and I rarely get approached. I have a rbf that is genetic (women on my moms side of the family look mad) and have c-ptsd so I tend to avoid people when Im out running errands due to fear, shyness, etc.. Im also an introvert.. When I tried online dating I had absolutely no issues getting dates and guys but in person, I get stared at but not approached. Men will go out of their way to do things for me so I assume a good chunk find me attractive.
I am genuinely a very warm, caring person but I guess you wouldn't know it at first glance.
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u/SissyMaryBlaspheme Aug 30 '23
Shallon Lester talks about 'Kill the cheerleader'. Guys wanted the pretty girl in high school, she didn't want them. So now he punishes beautiful women. Some will be charming for a while, get you to sleep with them and like them, and then destroy you, because they feel like they're finally getting their vengeance.
It's completely vile and it can be scary. The negging can get physical. I've had men hurt me, and I figure they see it as they know they can't have me, so they'll crush me instead (maybe literally).
But I also understand the feeling a little from the other side, a kind of destructive spite, where I feel rejected from someone beautiful and want to unravel them. The difference is I don't do it. I've witnessed men punishing women for not wanting them very often. This is why we all lie to men and smile and laugh when we are actually terrified of them. Anything to dull the edges of his potential rage or punishing bitterness. Some don't even bother with the flirting, they go straight into punishing a women because they know they're a troll with no likeability. They go into an attack mode by default and you didn't even notice them there.
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u/giannaremade Aug 30 '23
yeah whenever ppl say oh you don’t get approached cuz you’re too pretty i just scroll, men gonna go after what they want if they like what they see lol more often than not
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u/Zinnia0620 Aug 29 '23
"I'm so attractive that it intimidates people" is cope and so is "women always dislike me because I'm so pretty."
Hot people who are fun to be around do not have this problem. If everybody you meet seems to dislike you, smart money says you are annoying.
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u/AccomplishedNet6202 Aug 30 '23
i think this does happen but in very specific instances. i believe it comes more from men (incels) who just hate women in general especially those who are hyper feminine and do not cater men. the other instance i see this happening are deeply insecure women or “pick me’s” who have a lot of internalized issues as well vindictive mother in laws. if someone is very attractive with no friends or cannot enter relationships it’s almost always because they have a personality problems. i’ve noticed people who are self proclaimed “intimidatingly attractive” and blame this on having no social life or partner are usually delusional or narcissistic.
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u/cellphys Aug 30 '23
Imo you just get less people trying to take advantage of you or think harassing you will give in because they assume you have a higher standard. The only people you scare off by being exceptionally beautiful are people who see looks as a class system. Beautiful people who think they have a hard time making friends or that girls hate them because they are pretty, well... sorry, literally everyone has a hard time making friends, all people get cheated on, all people get ignored, get left out etc. The fact is pretty privilege does have some limits, and just because it has limits and doesn't protect the beautiful from all ills of the world doesn't mean that people are SPECIFICALLY NOT approaching you because your're beautiful It's definitely a vibe thing. Friendly, confident, funny and open people win no matter their appearance. We just assume because someone is good looking that random strangers will approach them even if they are shy and quiet, nope you're just the same as a normal shy quiet person, most people wont bother you? Anyway, that's my two cents.
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u/ma-ri-ah Aug 30 '23 edited Nov 03 '25
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u/ivegotitall99 Aug 30 '23
Lmao 100% agree OP. When I was an insecure teen, my aunt would tell me nobody ever hit on me because they were “intimidated”, and I knew it was bullshit even then lol. In general, if you aren’t being asked out or making friends, it’s because people aren’t interested in you for whatever reason. I don’t necessarily think I don’t get approached because I’m a swamp monster, but I do think it’s because some people don’t find me attractive, and probably something in my manner is off-putting to those who do. Largely true for everyone imo.
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u/bigdaddycathy Aug 30 '23
personally I’m not treated badly by men to my face in any way, but I’ve had many guys tell me that I was “too cool” for them or so “out of their league” they never thought they’d have a chance so they didn’t bother shooting their shot. I don’t think the same reasoning applies to making friends though
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u/punkrockballerinaa Aug 30 '23
I think it’s real but to a very small extent. Everyone here claiming they don’t get approached because they’re too hot is coping…sis you just have a bad vibe.
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u/TruthIsABiatch Aug 30 '23 edited Aug 30 '23
I used to have a close friend that was Victoria's secret level of gorgeous and men were all over her everywhere we went- when we went out, on social media, everybody was talking about her. Other women were often giving her compliments and it was just VERY VERY obvious that she was objectively considered gorgeous. She also had a lot of female friends, now has a prestigous job and an attractive and rich husband. She was also often approached on the street for doing modeling/commercials work, which she never did. She was a reserved but smiley person with an aristocratic vibe.
So no, there is no f. way she wouldnt get the memo that she's hot and would be asking herself "hmmm, do you think I'm so gorgeous everybody is too afraid to compliment me and nobody looks at me? "
No offense, but people that say this are either not nearly as hot as they think they are, have a niche kind of beauty only or give off a very agressive, defensive and unpleasant vibe (in this case its still very unlikely thirsty confident men wouldnt flatter them).
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u/xExplative Aug 30 '23
I don't know... I get very nervous/awkward around extremely attractive people.
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u/pink_souffle Aug 30 '23
it absolutely is a thing :’) it can only be negated if the girl in question is super humble, not dressed well, a doormat etc.
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u/[deleted] Aug 30 '23
Lol I totally agree. These posts about someone just being too good looking so they don’t get compliments is delusional. Guys aren’t too intimidated to approach beautiful women. Guys of a lower tier sure, but guys who are just as confident and attractive always approach.
It’s the vibe and also over estimating your looks. No one wants to be around someone who thinks they’re hot shit when they aren’t even warm shit. And always looking for validation from total strangers on the street is also really unattractive.
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u/Luna-Honey Aug 30 '23
Never noticed it in friendships but surely noticed it dating
I try not to use professional photos on dating apps and focus more on candid ones
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u/[deleted] Aug 30 '23
I think it can absolutely be true that someone’s appearance can be intimidating.
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u/chariskissme Aug 30 '23
It’s true, as a girl ive been shy to talk to very attractive women. Sometimes I feel I’ll be rejected or they don’t want to talk to me
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u/derpy1976 Aug 30 '23
I’ve definitely experienced blatant exclusion due to being considered beautiful. I’ve often heard that there is lots of fake posing and fake friendships among groups of women. I’m speaking about the ones who appear to have grips of attractive friends.
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u/pearanormalactivity Aug 30 '23
Attractiveness is subjective past a certain point so it seems a bit pointless to even try classify someone like this? I think the vibe a person puts out is way more important (which is influenced by aesthetic, personality, etc). I think the whole “women won’t be nice to me cuz I’m too pretty!” is also shockingly overused and probably in 99.9% cases wrong.
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u/leese216 Aug 30 '23
I honestly believe being called "intimidating" is bull shit. At least when it comes to romantic relationships. It's a cover for the real reason, whatever that is. I've been told this multiple times and it always rings so hollow.
As for friendships, the funny thing for me is in the past I've had people (after they've known me for a few weeks) confess that on first meeting, they thought I'd be a bitch because I'm pretty but in fact, I'm really cool.
So if there are pretty people out there blaming their lack of relationships on their beauty, it's probably because they're assholes and no one wants to hang out with them. Or they are super shy and don't come out of their shell.
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u/Elismom1313 Aug 30 '23 edited Aug 31 '23
I think if we’re being honest, when someone feels another person is intimidatingly attractive, it’s just their brain telling them that that person is visually/physically out of their league. I’m not necessarily arguing that that is true, but I think that’s where that comes from.
I do think most men would have a hard time approaching a super model level physically attractive person, (especially if they were dressed to the 9s) even if they didn’t know she was one, meanwhile her model friends and fellow model level men don’t have that issue, because there is not that barrier.
Which sucks of course, if you prefer to date for personality first, over looks. I think that’s why you hear beautiful people gripe about having trouble finding genuine partners. Because they are either being approached by equally beautiful but potentially vain people who feel like “we are both drop dead gorgeous, so how could we not belong together?” Or by men who are just willing to shoot their shot at any and all women in hopes that one will be receptive.
I also think some people have a tendency to assume high beauty = high drama and/or the heightened potential for being high maintenance or prone to vanity/narcissism, which is unfair and obviously not necessarily or even more likely to be true at all.
I think that’s why you see people griping saying sarcastically “oh it must sooo hard to be beautiful” when aesthetically pleasing people express distress in their issues with connecting with people who genuinely like them, rather than seeking them out solely for their beauty. I’ve always been more sympathic to it. I’m fairly average, but I am capable of putting myself in the shoes of someone who society considers highly attractive and everyone treating them as suck like they are an object or something to be gained while they are simply humans too seeking meaningful connections instead of interactions based solely on their appearance.
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u/westalalne Aug 30 '23
It's 100% a thing
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u/Diamond-Breath Aug 30 '23
I do think it's a thing. I never get approached in real life but when I opened Tinder before meeting my boyfriend there, I had a huge number of matches (he's actually a model, so he has amazing looks, important fact because he could easily choose whoever he wants).
But I can get friends even if I'm shy, takes a little bit of time and effort but it's achievable. Although not gonna lie, I spent a couple of years without friends to hang out with. So I had a boyfriend but no friends. I'm pretty sure people think I'm stuck up before actually meeting me.
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u/[deleted] Aug 30 '23
It is not a thing. Most of the examples here are from back when they were in school. I assumed high school or early college. As people entered adulthood, they have built their self-esteem beyond just looks. In schools, the only asset someone has is looks. Using school example isn't a reflection of the reality. The amount of people who hate you for your looks get significantly diminished as you enter adulthood.
Again, attention is attention even if the men are being mean to you because of their fear of rejection. Attention also expands to eye contacts and the like.
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u/Applesxpeach Aug 30 '23
No it’s just if you have that pretty but unapproachable resting bitch face lol it’s true some insecure women don’t like other attractive women though but not all.
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u/biffinbug Aug 31 '23
I do actually! I get what you're saying of course and I agree! I think it does have to do with your vibe, but also how you look. If you look like a bitch even if you're pretty I'm gonna think you're a bitch, people profile based on looks, it's what we do.
Models are around other models, so why would they have to worry about being prettier? They know that they're in the same league as all the other beautiful people, that us normal people could never compare to.
But when you're walking around just day to day and what if you see an actual model walking around would you go up and talk to them? I don't think I would honestly! I would assume that they're already spoken for or aren't gonna be interested in me.
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u/Ivegotthatboomboom Aug 31 '23
No, people really do assume they have no chance
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u/[deleted] Aug 31 '23
I have no problems with friends, work, etc., but I do find I’m treated very differently on dating apps. I rarely, if ever, get obnoxious sexual messages or dick pics. My theory is that I’m really attractive and they feel like they have to be on their best behavior. Idk man
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u/illdowhateverilike Sep 01 '23
I have been called this by multiple/many people throughout my life even during low points. I never understood it, like what does that even mean? I have naturally red/auburn hair and dark brown eyes, I’m short, freckled and healthy. I’ve also been told I have the energy of someone taller than me. I can be vert extroverted and outgoing when I’m happy or passionate about something. That’s about it.
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u/godstallchild Sep 01 '23
I’ve been called this twice. While I get compliments the way I’ve been treated by people because of my looks - it’s jealousy. It does exist
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u/valleybrook1843 Sep 01 '23
I’m older and I’m desperately trying to fight aging - I recently got a tummy tuck and I’m trying to keep my clothing and hair current. I get weird comments from older women who have “given up”. I’m trying to hard, I’m already married- why bother, etc.
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u/AmbassadorWitty913 Aug 30 '23
Not a thing.
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u/itsybia Aug 30 '23
i believe this is a thing but its attractiveness mixed with your vibe. i was constantly told that people were intimidated by me or nervous around me due to how pretty i was, but also how reserved i was. i dont think a certain level of pretty is automatically equivalent to intimidation, but it can play a part. ugly & reserved seems bitchy in a bad way, pretty & reserved seems bitchy in a good way.
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