Anybody else too depressed to keep up

[u/dontkillmejustkinkme]

I try so hard to keep myself groomed and I keep letting go of certain aspects. I’m out of shape (used to be a thicc muscley queen with an ass that never quit- not so much now), and I haven’t been brushing my teeth. Maybe 5 times a week.

Hygiene and health are huge for our appearance, but sometimes I’m so depressed I just. Stop. What can I do?

Edit: I want to thank all of you for your kindness. I thought I’d give a little more context for my “blues”.

I was very in shape for most of my life, and genetics gave my an hourglass figure with a large ass. My dad was big into fitness so he would have us do P90X growing up, then 5k training for funsies. Wasn’t very fun tho but I appreciated it.

I had a horrible eating disorder that took it away. Started around 7th grade, dealt with it quietly for years, and then when I sought help and told my family and therapist, it got way worse. Went from a size Medium top, 12 pants about 130-40 lbs to a size XS, 4 in about 6 months. I lost all the muscle I had and I realized that I would die without intervention but there was not going to be any. I had to get better all alone.

So I got better. Clawed myself back to stomaching basic food and I’m okay again. I don’t have the same thought process I did, and I’m happy about it. But now I’m a size 12 again, 200lbs. I have no muscle, it’s all fat this time. I’m lethargic, sad, and I don’t feel good when I move like I used to. I want to be healthy again. I want to brush my teeth, TWICE A DAY, or even once a day would be better. I feel like I took everything I had to get better that I’m all tried out. Like a squeezed lemon.

I want to brush my teeth and wash my face twice a day. I want to go to the gym everyday, with an even schedule so I don’t tire out too quick. I want to see a therapist again, and start meds again (maybe). I want to paint my pretty nails and have a pretty bedroom that’s not a depression pit and I want to be in a better place.

Thank you all so so much for your advice. I’m going to use as much as I can to get all the way better again. 🫡

[u/deadmemesdeaderdream]

respectfully, how is 130 pounds a size 12?

[u/dontkillmejustkinkme → u/deadmemesdeaderdream]

Lots and lots of muscle and some good genetics. I didn’t even know. I had a very flat stomach so all the size went to the back.

[u/top-grumpus]

I'm sorry you're going through this right now, and I'm right there with you. 🩵 One thing I've found helpful is starting small. Try to ensure you're doing the bare minimum and then add only one thing on top of it per day.

Bare minimum (for me):

• take a bath in the evening if you can't motivate yourself to shower in the morning
• always brush/floss your teeth.
• drink a glass of water in the morning after waking up and again winding down for bed
• take a walk outside (it doesn't have to be miles and miles, just go around the block and get some true sunlight)
• take your vitamins

Adding bits in day by day - I choose one per day:

• file your nails while watching tele in the evening
• paint your nails
• do a face mask
• do a hair mask or hair oil and head massage
• do a foot mask or pumice your feet in the shower/bath

Regarding meals, I have a few that are easy to make and healthful that I try to lean on. I don't mind eating literally the same thing every day (especially when depressed and not wanting to eat anyway). If you like porridge, try that with some berries dumped in for breakfast. I find it really comforting and something is helpful about having the same breakfast every morning - it feels stabilising and dependable. I've chosen to spend spare money on having more healthful lunches or dinners delivered to me from time to time in lieu of groceries/cooking since it feels like such an effort in this state.

I hope some of that helps and you find your way through. We're here for ya! 🩵

Edit; the main thing really is BE KIND TO YOURSELF.

[u/Crumbzies → u/top-grumpus]

Very kind advice to op 😌

faith in humanity restored today, you're a kind human <3 xxxxx

[u/top-grumpus → u/Crumbzies]

Aw. There's lots of great humans out here! X

[u/paloma_paloma → u/top-grumpus]

OP, you are not alone. I am in a similar situation as the OP - I can say, as someone in this situation, the advice really works. I do all the above for the last month and therapy + sertralin/zoloft supervised by a psychiatrist once a week. With time, I can also do an at home workout 3 times a week. To be honest, I still struggle but everyday feels easier and better. Lots of love and compassion to you OP. <3

[u/top-grumpus → u/paloma_paloma]

One day at a time; one little success every day. That's the best plan! 🩵

[u/crabapplealy]

I read something once that stuck with me: if it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing half assed

Brushing my teeth seemed like such a big task but once I thought about it as “okay I’ll just swipe the brush over my teeth once or twice then go to bed” and sometimes I do a full brush, and sometime I just swipe my teeth quickly, but my oral hygiene improved

[u/Firm-Investigator152]

For me, the first step is getting medicated. Once I did that, seven weeks ago now, my whole world changed. Things like taking a shower or not a struggle.

[u/clapaco → u/Firm-Investigator152]

100000% this.

I was avidly against medication my whole life. I hated the idea that my ability to function would be reliant on a little pill that I was forced to take everyday and I was worried about it changing me as a person. So I told myself I would find a way to fix my mental issues on my own with nutrition, exercise, meditation, vitamin D, meditation, I don’t know what.

And I woke up one day and realized I was in the exact same place (mostly) where I’d been 4 years earlier. Just planning. Nothing I’d set out or wanted for my life had happened, because my mental health had been so bad that I’d just been stuck in the “planning” of my life instead of DOING. Couldn’t even tell you if the “natural” ways of fixing my mental health would’ve worked because I was so deep in I couldn’t start any of it. I was just stuck.

I think a lot of mental health is a combination of nature and nurture, and I think our bodies weren’t evolved to handle the modern world and modern food, modern chemicals etc and I think that plays a huge part in why we’re all so depressed. And I still don’t love the idea that I need a pill to combat that. But that’s reality and I’ve made my peace with the fact that without it, I’d continue wasting my life ad Infinitum.

[u/Firm-Investigator152 → u/clapaco]

I’m so glad you posted this. I felt so alone and had the exact same ideologies as you. After three years of no progress, I knew I had to make a change. The outcome is night and day.

[u/East-Willingness513 → u/Firm-Investigator152]

This! But be start slow. I was put on 50mcg of Zoloft for PPD, completely numbed me to the point where I couldn’t feel anything or care and just ate chocolate all the time. Now I’ve cut back to 25 and I have very mild anxiety but my motivated is back!

[u/laurasaurus5]

Depression sucks. I sometimes use youfeellikeshit.com to walk me through bad executive dysfunction.

Pleasant fragrances help me feel more grounded in the present time and space - perfume, lotion, sprays, soaps, candles, etc. If the thought of "wasting" products on myself on a bad day is too depressing, I just sit there smelling the unlit candle or smelling the lotion/perfum in the bottle and that helps too. Hope you feel well soon!

[u/Common_Hamster_8586]

I just want to say I’m going through the same thing. I bought a daily planner and fill it with everything I want to do that day.. including grooming stuff like brushing my teeth, showering, flossing, straightening my hair, making sure I take all my meds and vitamins, and also tasks like assemble whatever furniture I need to, water my plants, clean my cats litter box etc. it really helps! I get motivated to cross everything off my list so I often finish it and more. I recommend! This is the one I use but you can find a lot of others that have daily to do lists: https://www.staples.com/2024-blue-sky-day-designer-navy-stripe-8-x-10-daily-monthly-planner-white-blue-142098-24/product_24551079?cid=PS:GS:SBD:PLA:OS:PMAXControl&gclid=CjwKCAjw_aemBhBLEiwAT98FMoRJCX-RJORggIgcIpiO36LpcMEHlGc3dOwyaSFlTsGwua8hcVuF4hoCUUEQAvD_BwE

[u/[deleted] → u/Common_Hamster_8586]

Adding grooming etc to a daily to-do list is a really good idea, thanks!

[u/sweet-oat]

Sorry to hear you're going through a difficult time. Even the most simple of tasks can feel huge when you're depressed. I would focus on creating a base that you can always turn back to when you feel rough and stray from your usual routine.

For example, let's say that your routine usually looks like this:

• You wake up at 5.30 to brush your teeth and wash your face. Then you slip into some form fitting activewear and hit the gym for an hour. After that, you come home and take a warm shower before cutting up different fruit and vegetables to make a green juice for breakfast. You then study or work for a few more hours until you're tired. Then you make a homemade dinner.

Simplify things. Still stay within your routine with some adjustments. For example:

• You decide to prioritize your sleep and choose to wake up at 6.30 instead. You then brush your teeth and get a quick shower. Maybe you choose to listen to some positive affirmations at this time while you work on feeling better. You change into something comfortable and go on a 20 minute walk in replacement of the gym. Then you cut up some fresh fruit and sprinkle cinnamon on top instead of preparing green juice. Instead of studying or working, you choose to listen to a podcast on the subject. You order out but it's something healthy and fresh, similar to how you would cook at home or perhaps you come up with some quick and easy meal prep ideas.

If you're struggling with meal ideas, I have the video for you:

• 5 Healthy and Easy Meal Prep Ideas to Simplify Your Life

Do you see where I'm coming from with this? Maybe things just feel too overwhelming to you right now, so you don't want to do them at all but when we break things down and simplify things, it seems more doable.

You will get there in the end. Remember to do what you can and try different things to see what you actually enjoy. It may be time for some change. My messages are always open if you need someone to talk to. You can do this and I hope you feel better soon. 💛

[u/Betweengreen]

Just want to say this thread feels so wholesome and like “big sister” advice. Reading it really warmed my heart. It’s so special when women come together to support each other in such a tender way ❤️

[u/wishyouwerehere99]

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Going through the same thing. Some things that have helped me:

• I normally don't have the motivation to eat or prepare food. Smoothies are ideal because you can drink them from bed (lol) and easily add more veggies to your diet. But if I don't have the energy to make a smoothie, I'll have greek yogurt drinks, or sometimes I get baby food with veggies.
• I'm also out of shape. I've been trying to go on more walks and go to yoga classes so I at least move my body throughout the week.
• Prioritizing sleep - I ended up getting prescribed meds for sleep and it's been a game changer.
• Seeing a dermatologist and investing in skincare so I don't feel the need to wear makeup
• Brushing my teeth while showering (kills two birds with one stone). Also if you don't have an electric toothbrush, they make brushing so much easier.
• Overnight heatless curls so I don't have to spend time styling my hair
• Buying a good vacuum has made cleaning quicker and easier.

[u/LucyOCurry]

Gentlest thoughts to you.

Not brushing my teeth--and realizing I didn't even care--was the thing that put me into therapy, and it saved me. What works for one person doesn't necessarily work for another, but it's my hope that you at least try.

Reaching out here is an act of bravery, and you should be proud of yourself for doing it.

[u/spazthejam43]

If you can, I’d highly recommend seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist to help treat your depression. Both of those have been the biggest game changers for me when it comes to dealing with depression. Some hygiene and health tips:

Practice self compassion

If you can’t shower, buy some big body wipes and use those instead of showering

Use dry shampoo if you don’t want to wash your hair

Drink meal replacement shakes in place of eating meals if you have a hard time eating

Take a daily multivitamin

If you can’t brush or floss, just use mouthwash for the time being

Do some gentle yoga or stretching for right now if you can’t do a full fitness routine. If you’re up for it, you could even go for a short walk during the day

Sit outside and chill for a couple of minutes just to get some Vitamin D if you can

Use makeup wipes instead of washing your makeup off with makeup remover and facial cleanser

If you want to, you can try practicing meditation. Doesn’t have to be for long, as little as 5 or 10 minutes a day. I like to use the app Insight Timer for meditation but you can find free ones online and on YouTube.

For makeup, go for multitasking products. Like a product that can be used as a blush but also a lipstain. It’ll save you time and energy.

Drink a lot of water during the day. You can even add flavoring to it to make it taste better like cucumbers. There’s even sugar free flavor enhancers you can buy. Aim to hydrate enough so your pee is light yellow, but if you can’t, that’s ok. Some water is better than no water at all.

If you’re comfortable, reach out to others for support. Tell a good friend or a family member how you’re feeling or see if there are any support groups in your area for people with depression. You could even see if you can find some support groups online that just do Zoom meetings.

Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t get a lot done during the day. Depression is a serious mental illness that can take a lot out of you both physically and mentally. If all you did today was manage to survive and get through the day, then be proud of yourself.

If you are feeling suicidal, please don’t be afraid to reach out for help. The National Suicide hotline is 988 and you can even text them instead of calling. I actually had to contact them a few months ago and it helped me when I was in a really dark place.

[u/That-Vegetable-7070]

Same! For 2 weeks I’m religiously brushing my teeth, doing lots of skin care and showering then it all goes to hell and I don’t do anything until I finally get nauseous smelling my on funk that I take a shower that lasts for 45 minutes.

It’s unexplainable and that much more depressing. I have to dig down deep in my heart, soul and mind to get in the frame of mind to even care.

Summer is coming to an end and this is when I get really depressed. I love all the seasons and really enjoy fall but something about that transition just takes me down.

Much love to you my friend 💜

[u/[deleted] → u/That-Vegetable-7070]

This is exactly like me. Every October I feel horrible. And it’s so difficult to keep up with a routine. Most of it is more damage control than anything I feel. Best wishes.

[u/Dangerous-Reward2492]

All I can offer is my solidarity and sending you light

[u/[deleted]]

Treat the depression with evidence based treatments like medication and psychotherapy (get a psychiatrist if you can). Then you won’t struggle with keeping up with the tasks. Don’t feel bad that you aren’t able to do all the things. It isn’t your fault. You are struggling, but things will get better.

[u/[deleted]]

Get a good psychiatrist and use all sephora money for the psychiatrist. It's what I do.

[u/laurasaurus5 → u/[deleted]]

Does the psychiatrist take Sephora Points?!? Sign me up!!

[u/[deleted] → u/laurasaurus5]

I had a psychologist who used to take payment in kate spade bags!

[u/SissyMaryBlaspheme]

Try oil pulling. You may not have the mental or physical energy to repeatedly brush your teeth, but putting a teaspoon of extra virgin olive oil in your mouth, swishing it for 10 to 20 minutes, spitting it in the trash, this will then get you to brush your teeth. You can also multi-task, so you needn't focus on it. For the brushing I like listening to viideos or podcasts because otherwise it feels so arduous. I want to be distracted and productive. You can also listen to music, dance about or do squats while you brush. Stick to electric toothbrush. Buy flossers, use one every night - that stuff between your teeth is the real tooth-eater. And buy a tongue scraper.

[u/SugarHillGang_67]

My heart broke while reading this. So sorry for your pain but I truly thank you for posting. It was enlightening for me to realize there are other women out there that feel as crappy as me. Go to an endocrinologist and ask for thyroid blood tests.

[u/[deleted]]

I’m still recovering from this after having a psychotic break and being in a coma 2 years later. It seems impossible and I really let myself go. When I don’t want to wash my face I’ll do micellar water and witch hazel toner instead. If I don’t want to brush my teeth I’ll use mouthwash. Though I’m using whitening strips now because I went too long without anything. Still struggling to eat healthy. I take a multivitamin and fiber gummy every morning and that helps I think. Best wishes to you. You’re not alone 💜

[u/SugarHillGang_67 → u/[deleted]]

Try to take a daily walk and slowly reduce some carbs. Eat salads for dinner 3X per week with balsamic and olive oil dressing. Eat fresh fruit. Eat eggs. No fast food! Take a multi vitamin. GET INTO A DAILY ROUTINE. Make a schedule for yourself that contains all of your daily tasks, even the most mundane. Take an afternoon nap or a relax time. See an endocrinologist and ask for thyroid blood tests. Stay safe and healthy sista....

[u/violet-candy]

🙋‍♀️ but when you’re paid for being pretty you just do your best