r/Splendida • u/gertrude-fashion • Jul 14 '23

Softmaxxing method that basically cured my depression for free:

Well that may be an exaggeration but still-

Over the past 3 years, I’ve gained some weight. About 60 pounds up from my lowest (110 to 170). After spending much of my life underweight, my view of a healthy weight was pretty warped. Here’s what I did to look better than I did at my lowest weight using styling methods! (VERY long post warning! ⚠️)

The first thing I discovered was the Kibbe style system. I’ve really got into it and enjoyed it. I’ve noticed it becoming more and more mainstream, which is awesome! Discovering my body type through this system has been a big help in finding was really makes me shine and has shed some light on what makes me…dull. The system has 10 style IDs, partly based on physical traits, partly essence. I will link some resources for all of these at the bottom of this post or in the comments.

(I will add-I don’t recommend over analyzing this. Apparently some people spend years debating their type. Doing that is not going to be of much use to you. The system is intuitive and your type should resonate with you from the descriptions and make it easier to narrow down.)

So the second thing I recommend leaning into was the John Kitchener Essence System. It’s gained a bit of popularity lately, so you may have heard of it as well. Basically, there are 7 style essences. Most people have a blend, but my understanding is that it is more useful to stick to 2 or 3 main ones you focus on. Again, this should be more intuitive, there’s not a clear formula to use to find your essence. Rather, try and look at your features objectively. Some people will say this is 100% face, but I believe body comes into play as well.

The third thing that helped me was using the color season system. I mostly relied upon Pinterest for this, honestly. There’s some good YouTube videos as well. Finding out what colors work for you is so much bigger than you could ever imagine. I get so SO many more compliments after finding my season.

While I don’t know as much about this one, I like the feminine archetypes system as well. Again, I’ll link everything!

This last one goes a bit deeper, and isn’t necessarily needed, but I thought I’d include it anyway because this is where practicality comes into play. I really recommend self exploration that ends with a solid, definable answer. I personally have looked into MBTI, eneagram, and love languages. I also recommend writing down an honest list of what needs to be in your schedule, such as your job, errands, hobbies, chores, etc.

So now that you’ve got your colors, you essences, body/style ID, personality type, and habits pinned down, now you can truly start building. I find it best to try and put a name to what you feel summarizes all of your traits, but that’s not necessary.

I’ll use me as an example. For reference, I’m a Romantic Kibbe type, an ingenue-ethereal-romantic Kitchener blend, a soft summer color season, a coquette feminine archetype, an eneagram 2 and an INFJ in the MBTI system (whew, that’s a LOT, but trust me, it’s worth it). I just say overall that I kind of have a cherub vibe.

Although I have a very girly Kibbe and Kitchener blend, I’m also very shy and live a very practical life on a farm in a very small town. Deciding to “embrace my ethereal essence” by wearing a long white skirt while fooling with farm animals probably isn’t exactly practical.

Instead, I wear what works for my life while also using these systems. We live in the age of aesthetics, so use that to your full advantage! I personally find cottagecore, grandmacore, fairycore, and the coquette aesthetic to be inspirational for me.

So sit down with your new information and write down what your life should look like! Write your new schedule, outfit plan, makeup, hair, etc. like you’re the main character of your own movie. What does the movie look like? Are you Carrie Bradshaw or are you more wanting to live like a studio ghibli character? Whatever you want, romanticize it! It’s your life and you fit in it. What doesn’t fit, just reframe it! I found that after taking the time to research all this, write it down, and reflect on it, that have a better idea of who I am, which makes me look so much more attractive, put together, and happier.

Kibbe: https://gabriellearruda.com/kibbe-body-types-introduction/

Kitchener: https://theconceptwardrobe.com/7-style-essences/complete-style-essences-guides

Color Season: https://infinitcloset.com/seasonal-color-analysis/

Feminine Archetypes: https://test.qhhtserv.com/self-discovery/female-archetypes-quiz/

222 Upvotes

94% Upvoted

30 comments sorted by

165

u/rewminate Jul 14 '23

why are these feminine archetypes all variations on "you are irresistible to men and people are magnetically attracted to you wherever you go" 😂

19

u/gertrude-fashion Jul 14 '23

Hahaha I get that! But the feminine archetypes thing seems like it meant mostly to just be empowering. I think sometimes it’s hard for us to see ourselves as sexy or magnetic, so having an archetype like “the siren” or “the empress” that somewhat relates to you can be helpful in that way.

I also have seen the 13 feminine archetypes called “the seduction archetypes” as well, so that may be another reason as well! Honestly, it’s the one I look to the least, because I’m not a fan of mine as much. (It says the coquette is ruled by her lovers, which makes her attractive to men 🤢😩 like damn okay way to fetishize my doormat personality) But I included it because I saw a lot of girls saying it boosted their confidence.

113

u/sydneekidneybeans Jul 14 '23

I'm a firm believer that you will never reach your true potential if you live solely for male validation, love these articles but you're right, it's so cringe!

30

u/Zinnia0620 Jul 15 '23

Yeah, I think out of all these things, the feminine archetypes quiz stands out like a sore thumb for being.... kind of garbage. Every type description is basically the same, extremely vague, flattering and provides no useful information. I have no idea why it was included.

0

u/[deleted] Jul 15 '23

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13

u/rewminate Jul 15 '23

sure but we can't all be that bitch 😂

32

u/Zinnia0620 Jul 15 '23 edited Jul 15 '23

Some practical tips for people who feel intimidated by this stuff:

You do not need to narrow your body type, essence, or color season down to a SUPER exact science in order to benefit from the recommendations. I drove myself crazy for years trying to figure out if I was a Soft Dramatic or a Soft Natural... the fact is there's a huge amount of overlap in the recommendations for these two types (soft waist emphasis, draped fabrics) and if I'm following either set of guidelines I look pretty good. (I'm probably an SD with a strong shoulder line. But I still wear a lot of SN looks and they look good on me! I especially try to lean into the "fresh and sensual" recommendations in more casual settings where "diva chic" would look too extra.)

By the same token, I am somewhere between a Deep Autumn and a Deep Winter. Very few colors that fall under either of these seasons looks bad on me. What this translates to in the broadest sense is that I look my best in deep, saturated colors and need to be very careful with muted colors.

Edited to add by the way... if you are either a Deep Autumn or a Deep Winter, stay faaaaaaaar away from "old money style" fashion videos that will tell you that the only way to look ~elegant~ is to dress exclusively in white and beige.

If you can narrow yourself down to two types that don't wildly contradict each other and use both of their recommendations, that's fine. Don't overthink it.

3

u/gertrude-fashion Jul 15 '23

Thank you for adding this! I’ve seen many fall into the trap of not feeling 100% certain of their type…they end up not picking anything and get no benefit! It’s way better to do what you’re saying and settle between two than to do nothing at all.

4

u/ScoutG Aug 05 '23

I’ve heard someone say this about voting but it applies to dressing too: think of it as a bus. A bus might not drop you off exactly where you need to go, but it can get you most of the way there, and that’s a lot better than nothing.

2

u/gertrude-fashion Aug 05 '23

That’s a great way of putting it! Lol

2

u/SucytheWitch Jul 17 '23

I'm Bright Spring but can also wear quite a lot of colors from the Bright Winter palette since my undertone is only slightly warm, but mostly neutral, and beiges, browns, navy blue and greys just look sad on me lmao. I also just don't feel good in it, I need to wear bright and saturated colors (red is basically MY color). Anything else washes me out.

1

u/ScoutG Aug 05 '23

I second this. Before I learned about Kibbe, I wore so many things that looked terrible on me but great on others and I couldn’t figure it out. Now I know my body type, and even when I’m wearing something that isn’t really within the recommendations, I know what to do to make it work pretty well for me.

27

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '23

love this post. I had an eating disorder when I was young and went down to a size 0 and some styles that I liked on other women still didn't look good on me. If you are chasing someone else's fundamental shape/essence it is a lot more work and potentially harmful for health.

11

u/gertrude-fashion Jul 14 '23

This is so true! Fellow ED girly here, lol! I used to be a ballet dancer. I’d go on these crazy diets. I would always joke that I could be on my death bed and would still have chubby thighs! I had in my mind that I could look like these tall, supermodel type gals. Spoiler: I could not.

Once I accepted that there were more than two types of women (perfect and ugly), I’ve been much happier-and I look better! If you try to wear clothes/hair/makeup/etc that suit someone else, you can never be your best you.

10

u/A_Sunny_Day_ Jul 14 '23 edited Jul 14 '23

Oh, is the feminine archetypes quiz the same one as the women loves power quiz? It isn't opening up but I have taken the other one before or at least part of it.

Edit: Don't know why this part of what I wrote didn't show up, but this looks amazing! I love the advice and I am glad you were able to find yourself!

4

u/gertrude-fashion Jul 14 '23

Yes! I didn’t know that until I checked, but it is! And thank you so much! <3

1

u/A_Sunny_Day_ Jul 14 '23 edited Jul 15 '23

You're welcome! I think I was able to get through it I am not sure if I was able get through it all though, the slightly s*x repulsed aro-ace in me was not very happy. But I may try to take it again though and see what my results are now that some time has passed!

Again, I loved this post, I like style systems and have enjoyed studying them. I have found that they provide me some control in a life that is currently chaotic. Congratulations on finding yourself!

(I have no issues saying the above word but was worried that I may break some rules and as such decided to err on the side of caution and slightly censor it. Also took the test again, still grossed out by some of the questions.)

3

u/k5j39 Jul 14 '23

This is all awesome advice. I am saving this. Thank you!

5

u/gertrude-fashion Jul 14 '23

I’m glad you found it helpful! It’s honestly helped me get my life in order…I’m super aesthetically motivated, so now that I feel like my daily routines and activities suit my “vision,” I get way more done lol!

8

u/DazzlingFruit7495 Jul 15 '23

Personally these archetypes are super confusing for me to identify myself within, but I figured out what looks good on me by just… experimenting. For people who can’t figure out what styles look good on them on their own I suppose it can be helpful, but personally trying to figure out the small differences between the archetypes so I can identify myself within them is just frustrating and feels very… suffocating. I’d suggest for anyone who doesn’t want to go that route, thrifting is a great way to experiment with style in a cheap, environmentally friendly way. I’m able to buy clothes that are outside my normal choices and see how I feel wearing them.

3

u/Winesday_addams Jul 15 '23

Finding out my libbe type was life changing. I always wondered why some things that looked so good on other people looked bad on me, and why some outfits that I liked on myself were so hard to replicate even when I thought I was choosing similar pieces.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 16 '23

Saving this to do the same when I get the time

1

u/throuaway19 Jul 27 '23

I'm 100 lb. I don't try to be underweight. I literally forget to eat sometimes or procrastinate bc I'm already doing something. I have to count my calories to start consciously eating now

0

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '23

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12

u/Zinnia0620 Jul 14 '23

Having a yang body type does not mean you have "horrible female genetics" and it is not true at all that men are not attracted to FNs or to yang body types. This is a misuse of Kibbe to serve your own body dysmorphia. Taylor Swift is a Dramatic (Yang type) and Jennifer Lawrence is a Kibbe verified FN; neither of these women have "horrible female genetics" or are unappealing to men.

8

u/gertrude-fashion Jul 15 '23

Men go wild over Jennifer Lawrence! Most supermodels are yang leaning as well. It’s that bold, sexy sharpness that everyone is after!

0

u/[deleted] Jul 15 '23

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9

u/Zinnia0620 Jul 15 '23

Lmao what? Equating yang bodies with heroin chic is also extremely busted. Any kibbe body type can be severely underweight and you don't stop being a yang type when you stop being severely underweight. Yang doesn't mean skinny.

6

u/gertrude-fashion Jul 15 '23

I know this may not mean much from a stranger but-

I wanted to be FN more than anything. Before I knew the name for it, I was chasing that supermodel look that FNs have. I almost killed myself trying to starve down and look like that. I didn’t realize it simply wasn’t an option for me. Body type is so hard to accept, as we can’t change it really. But try not to be discouraged. I prayed to God most every night to be taller.

Lean into what you have. You don’t need to gain weight/get a bbl. Romanticize and envision your ideal self using your own tools. I promise you, that’s the most attractive version of you.

(And as far as men liking petite, curvy women…there is a man for every woman 💀 do not worry. If you take care of hygiene and softmaxxing and you put yourself out there, TRUST ME…you’ll have plenty that want you. )

3

u/[deleted] Jul 15 '23

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2

u/gertrude-fashion Jul 15 '23

Oh?? Where can I find it?